Finding Joy in Your Unique Purpose: Overcoming Fear and Embracing Intention Episode Transcript

00:00 - Nachi (Host)

Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling! I'm Dominican, podcast hosted by Nachi and Damaris. Hey, fam, it's your girl, nachi, and I'm here with.

00:34 - Damaris (Host)

Damaris, the notorious menace to the matrix.

00:40 - Nachi (Host)

Not a menace to the matrix.

00:43 - Damaris (Host)

You can't stand me. I'm trying to feed my people.

00:48 - Nachi (Host)

Oh, I know that's right. Well, we are going to talk about finding joy in your purpose. I know for me, I feel that a lot of people believe that purpose is one thing that we're looking to do. Or I know when I in the past I used to think, oh, I want to find what my purpose is. I don't know what my purpose is, but I feel like purpose could be so many different things, and we're going to get into all of that. We're going to talk about what is purpose. How do we define that and what does? What would your journey look like in finding your purpose and how do you live in joy through that journey? So we're going to get into all of that.

01:36 - Damaris (Host)

This is going to be a very interesting topic, because I feel like I always say that this is always interesting. Yeah, no, it is, is it is, and it's funny because I think this was, this is a question or an inquiry, a self-inquiry I've had, for definitely, for me, it started in my 30s and definitely into my 40s and I'll say that I think it's a given. But I also think it's important to highlight that purpose is unique to each individual right, yeah and the.

02:17

The reason I even am stating that is because I think many times and and I've done this before you'll look at someone's life and you'll see things that you like, that you want to aspire to, and then you believe, well, or you start to think perhaps I should be doing that too, maybe this is, that is what success looks like, so perhaps that's what I should make my my life intention to be. I should be the best at that, because that person is they're. They're looking like they're living their best life and I want to emulate that. So maybe I should do what they're doing. And this is why I say that purpose is unique to each individual, because what you see that person doing, it may not necessarily be what your journey should be.

03:18 - Nachi (Host)

And I think. I think it also confuses a person in terms of, like you said, you look at somebody's life and you feel, and not even so much you want to walk in the same path that they did. But I feel it makes you think of what is my purpose? They seem to have found their purpose so easily. How is that possible? What do I need to do? And you start Right.

03:55

I think it leads to a person feeling stuck at times because they're in this place of I need to find my purpose. I don't know what my purpose is. What is my purpose? I feel like I have no purpose, or I wish I was like that person who, you know, seemed to have known what their purpose was so early in life and they've made a life of you know, a life for themselves, that they're so successful and they're thriving, at least from what you see from the outside, and it is unique to each person. It's not going to be the same and it's not going to look the same. So that's definitely something that we need to start thinking about and really dissecting what that is for you and how to walk in that purpose.

04:49 - Damaris (Host)

Right and for me. I know that I had to sit with myself and let the answer come to me, because it's not something that I think. For some people, yes, I think they know early on in their life. For whatever, reason.

05:10

They're just more aligned with themselves in a way that they're able to identify. This is my purpose, this is what drives me, this is what motivates me. But it wasn't right away for me, that's for sure. But I will say it definitely came in that moment of stillness for me. And my purpose, I'll say hands down, my understanding of my purpose has evolved over time too. I don't know if you've, if you felt that way for yourself, but I know what I felt, I understood of my purpose in my early thirties is definitely more has crystallized more.

05:56

Now in my forties say like, yeah, like about 10, 12 ish years ago I was like, oh, my purpose is to do God's will, but I didn't really understand God's will for me, right so I was. I was halfway there, but at least I came to that conclusion because I remember just thinking and being like what should I be doing? Like what is it that? Because, while I'm successful at work, I have a beautiful home, wonderful family, I'm not fully like feeling like I'm really doing what I should be doing in life, but my life is still pretty good.

06:49 - Nachi (Host)

Right and so, but you felt like there was something missing.

06:52 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, like it just wasn't like I was like I. I'm pretty sure there's more to this, and so and that's where, but I got. I finally got to that place where, instead of just overthinking and thinking that it has to be, oh, it's me starting my e-commerce business for fashion Right and all those things. It's like it was bigger than that and it dawned on me that it's about, for me, was doing God's will. Now, what exactly was that? That's another story. That's the other half Right right.

07:30

And I'll say yeah, and I'll say then, now in my forties, I'm, I'm like no, I know my purpose is to do the Lord's work and I do that by living my best life.

07:43 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right.

07:44 - Damaris (Host)

That was the second part of that sentence that I didn't really understand. That I didn't understand of my purpose. My purpose is to live my best life, is to be the best version of me. It's to be authentic, to be true to me always, 100%, and be free, because you know I need my freedom.

08:06 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, we all know that you need your freedom, girl.

08:10 - Damaris (Host)

I need to be free, we know and so, having that understanding now of what I know, my purpose, having to do work that brings me joy or something outside of a job that would bring me joy to balance it out. But the bottom line is that I need to do in order to be to fulfill my purpose of living my best life. That means I have to do things that make me happy.

08:35 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, and I think that's what it boils down to, at least for me, and it took me a while because for a very long time I thought it was one thing, one thing. Me too Right, it's like, and and I would just, I would just get so into. No, I have to figure out.

09:00 - Damaris (Host)

What is that?

09:00 - Nachi (Host)

one thing. I need to know what that one thing is. Why can't I figure out what that one thing is? And I realized, and I would say, in the last few years I realized that it is not one thing for me.

09:15 - Damaris (Host)

And everyone's different that way too.

09:19 - Nachi (Host)

Going to what you said, what is making me happy right now? I think about people who are so successful in their career not that I'm not, but it's not the end all and be all for me, right, like my career is not the only thing. That is a part of my life. I look at so many different things. I have so many different interests, and for me to find joy, to find purpose, I have to explore and that is part of that journey is exploring those passions, the different passions that you have, and being okay with it. It's not about just finding that one thing. It could be many different things.

10:07 - Damaris (Host)

Oh, we know, because that's the Gemini in you.

10:10 - Nachi (Host)

Oh, my goodness you love a project.

10:14

I do love a project, I love to get into something, but I also get bored very quickly, like, oh, okay, thank you, this is great, now let me move on to the next. Okay, thank you, this is great, now let me move on to the next. But I also find love in the things that I do. You know you do. For example, I started off. Remember when Madeline had all these skin issues when she was little. Yes, when Madeline had all these skin issues when she was little, I started looking into okay, well, I need to figure out what products I can make for her, because everything that I would buy outside, you know, from the store, it just wasn't working.

11:00 - Damaris (Host)

Filled with all the chemicals.

11:02 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, yes, yes. But it made me think of a good friend of mine. We know her, Ray Jean, who Shout out to Ray Jean.

11:14 - Damaris (Host)

We love her.

11:16 - Nachi (Host)

She was just so I remember, when she first did her body product. Then we hosted her.

11:25 - Damaris (Host)

Oh yes, it's the important thing.

11:26 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, first did her body product, then we hosted her opening day and it took me back to that that place because I I was just like so excited for her and so amazed and I just thought that that was awesome that she could do these body products herself. Like in in my head I'm like you just thought of doing this, right, right. And so it just took me back to that. But the whole idea of helping my daughter in one thing led me to open up an experience of making different products like soaps and body butters and all of that, and just getting into nuances that come with creating these, these products. And I loved it, I got into it, and that led me into wanting to look into different types of herbs.

12:23

And now I don't make as many body products. I make some for my family, but now I'm still focused more on the different herbs, like how does it help us? How do we incorporate that in the different body parts? I feel like we go through the journey from one place to the next and it creates wanted doors and other opportunities that you can begin to do things. And so you know for me and and just going back to to Regine, she's she's another person that, and I would say your husband too.

13:12 - Damaris (Host)

I would say your husband, yeah, agreed. I would say your husband, yeah, agreed. He's another one, another Gemini.

13:17 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, he's another one that I admire because it's like he finds something that he truly enjoys and he gets all into it, all into it, and he finds everything that you can possibly think of of that particular book.

13:34

A possessive to the point that it's obsessive, but yeah, but it brings him joy, right, it balances him out because he has a, you know, a consulting job, but it's not something that that he he loves 100% so, yeah, yeah, and I and I think that's you the the point I want to draw on is that it doesn't have to be um, uh, something that's specific to your career, or it has to be your family, that it has to be focused around your family or your or your kids. It really is about what's bringing you that high energy, that what lights you up.

14:22 - Damaris (Host)

Yes.

14:23 - Nachi (Host)

And that is what's going to drive you in, whatever that you're doing. And again, it could lead to many different things, but the point is is that it's your purpose? It's not. You're not living anyone else's life, you're living your own life, and it doesn't have to look like your cousins or your parents or your best friend or anyone else it has to look like.

14:49 - Damaris (Host)

Though we know as Dominicans they stay trying to compete.

14:53 - Nachi (Host)

They know it's going to compete.

14:54 - Damaris (Host)

Like yes, tu prima, ya, tu la viste.

14:58 - Nachi (Host)

Okay, yes, yes, yes, um, you know, yes, it's always about competition. That's their life, that's their story, right?

15:12 - Damaris (Host)

that ain't me, that ain't me I say that respectfully, leave me the fuck alone. No, thankfully your parents I mean to some degree, but they were definitely on that. Yes, you're going to school. Right, there was never any. Yeah, there was never this. Oh yeah, I'm gonna explore after high school. Yeah, right, you're going to explore after high school. They're like right, you're going to college. Stop playing these games.

15:41 - Nachi (Host)

Right, because I don't know what you think you're going to be doing after high school and I mean, yeah, facts.

15:47 - Damaris (Host)

I wouldn't even know what to do outside of that. But so let's talk about the journey of finding the purpose. Right, I talked about it a little bit with how, in my 30s, I came to that conclusion and then, in my 40s, I'm like, oh, it's just about me living my best life, letting my light shine and I'll say, part of getting there.

16:14

You know we talk about exploring different paths and you you bring up some great examples of doing that, with exploring the different passions you may have, and for me it was a lot about introspection because I think for you, you've always been able to. For you, you've just had multiple passions and so you've explored them. For me, I don't have a lot of passions. There's just, like you know, like three big areas of my life that it's like I'm super passionate about. It's like my family, my cats no, I do love my cats.

16:53 - Nachi (Host)

You can't forget about the cats?

16:56 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, no, and so what was I saying? Oh, yeah, so for me, I've always been more in my head as far as I have to think these things through, and which is good and bad, because I've been, my father's called me an overthinker and I know that for myself. No, thank you Bobby, thanks for no thanks, and um, but that is also me being introspective. There are times I'm not just overthinking, there are times where I just have to peel back the layers and always ask myself the questions, the why and get to the root of what it is for me.

17:41

And so one. I want to talk through one one thing that we, you and I, did an exercise you and I did in in 2020, uh, that really helped me even crystallize, like, um, what, what does living my best life look like? Right, and part of that was identifying my mission and we did this exercise and I don't know if you remember, I remember we were on the beach yes, we did, it okay, so it was actually, if you know, if you knew that, don't even don't even where.

18:18

Even I got the name of the book. I'm bringing it up right now, but just to give people some context, my, our father, had just passed away in March and we were now in Florida helping my mom pack up her home, and it was three months later. It's June 2020. Covid is in full effect, you know, and um, and then we had these, the race, you know, BLM riots and things like that in the protest and all that happening around the country, and it was just a very chaotic time in our lives. It was a chaotic time for everyone, but for us, in a way that it was just, you know, it was a very painful time for us.

19:06

And so I forgot how I came across this book, but it's by this man named Brian Tracy. The book is called Goals how get everything you want faster than you you ever thought possible? I probably. I don't know how I found the book, but I probably gravitated because, reading the words everything you want faster than you ever thought possible, I'm a sucker.

19:34 - Nachi (Host)

I'm a sucker. I'm like, oh fast.

19:36 - Damaris (Host)

But that's the humanity in me, right Like I went fast, I went in now.

19:40 - Nachi (Host)

Right right.

19:41 - Damaris (Host)

But that book was so good because it really helped. It asked us a series of questions and it was an audio book and I still have the audio book.

19:50

And it was an audio book and we would listen to it on the balcony looking at the ocean, because my parents had a beautiful apartment looking um at the atlantic ocean and we were just like asking each other these questions and answering them. But it made me really drill down right and I was able to identify my mission. And I'm gonna read this mission because what I'd read it last night in preparation for this, I need to dig it up. No, I was floored. I was just like, holy shit, oh, I'm doing it Right. So number one question what is my mission? My mission is to uplift my community. Okay, that was just basic, that was just the one line, and then I expanded it. In september of 2020, I said my mission is to free my people from systemic oppression economically, agriculturally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally. I'm sharing this with you guys because if you're listening this far, then you're're my friend.

20:57 - Nachi (Host)

Okay.

20:57 - Damaris (Host)

And I want to share this with you. But this is this. I forgot that I wrote this, but I still have been living it and the podcast and so that book had so many had such a great exercise because it really was like helping you peel back and be introspective. It was asking you questions about what brings you joy, what are the negative thoughts you have.

21:22 - Nachi (Host)

How do?

21:22 - Damaris (Host)

you combat? You know how do you combat those negative thoughts. What are the positive thoughts that can you know? Replace those Like what are your limitations? What do you want? What do you want in life without limitations? Like that was one of the best things when I was reading my notes. There was a wonderful line that I mean it was just the instruction of write down all the things you know. I forgot what it was, but exactly. But it's like you know something along the lines of write down all the things you want, all the things that make you happy, all the things that you desire in life without limitation. That qualifier is so important because, oh, I was writing all the things down right, and it's like what makes you, what makes me happy.

22:08

One of the things that made me happy was like always looking fly. That makes me feel good. It was like what makes you feel good. That was what it was, and it was like what makes you feel good. That was what it was, and I was like always looking fly. I don't know what to tell you. Yes, but that's. I like to look nice.

22:23 - Nachi (Host)

Right, it made you feel, it makes you feel good yeah.

22:26 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, and, and those were the types of exercises that helped me identify my mission. Now, that's not my purpose in life, but having that mission gives me the intention right Like my purpose now I I already know is living my best life, but I'm living my best life and I know I'm helping guide whoever I need to guide with my experience, because we're not gurus and we never said we were, and I'm not an expert on anything but myself. Now you take what you want from that.

23:02 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right.

23:04 - Damaris (Host)

I share this with you because we're we're peoples, we're friends, we're family, we're community and, like I said, my most basic mission is to uplift my community. I want to see my people thrive because I'm thriving.

23:19 - Nachi (Host)

Right, so it's like you want to. You want to bring everybody along as as you should, right? Yes, I'm doing well.

23:27 - Damaris (Host)

I want everybody, and so the one thing I said agriculturally because you know I've talked about big food like. I'm like mind blown that, like the topics we've discussed on our podcast, all the topics we've discussed on our podcast.

23:39

All the topics are all the things that I Relatable, that I specifically outline in my more detailed mission, and I won't I won't belabor this anymore, but the whole idea is that you you naturally move in the direction of the things that you write down, of what it is, you're being clear about what your intentions are, and so that yes, that's important to be clear.

24:02

Yes, yes and honestly. I don't care about what religion you follow, what it is, whether you believe or not, but for me, prayer is another thing that helped me to explore. I tap on my divine team, I tap into my ancestors, the creator, always, all day, every day I give praise, all the time, every day I wake up. Thank you for this breath.

24:36 - Nachi (Host)

Lead me on that path.

24:40 - Damaris (Host)

Tell me what direction I need to go to. What has helped you find purpose, rather, or what have you come across that has helped others find purpose?

24:47 - Nachi (Host)

well, for me it's exploring right and I and I talked a lot about that and I and I and you took me back to to those days that we were doing that exercise. And it was a really good exercise, because it really forced me to about, and I appreciate the freedom of thinking those questions through, because you know, especially when they'd ask you about if you had no limitations, what would you do? How would you do it? What would you want? You know and when you think in those ways, in those terms.

25:36 - Damaris (Host)

It's liberating.

25:37 - Nachi (Host)

It is very liberating. You don't even think about the things that, yes, that would limit you from doing whatever it is that you want to do. So when you don't have to deal with that or worry about that, you start opening your mind to many, many possibilities. But for me it's always exploring. I reflect a bit, but I like to do. I like to do because I need to feel it. If it don't feel good, I can't. I can't move on.

26:13 - Damaris (Host)

That's the generator in you, the manifesting generator in you want.

26:19 - Nachi (Host)

That's the generator in you, the manifesting generator in you. Yeah, no, it is, it is. I have to feel good. If, if, if I don't feel like, if this, if this doesn't energize me in some kind of way where I'm just like, ooh, I love this, I can't wait to do this, then I don't want to be bothered with it. So I don't reflect on it, I don't think about it, I don't belabor it. You know, belabor it. You know uh over, uh, what would it be like or what I? Just that, if I do too much reflecting, it does put a hold on me and I don't want that.

26:47 - Damaris (Host)

I need to do less of that.

26:48 - Nachi (Host)

I've been told so I like to do figure it out. Don't like it?

26:54 - Damaris (Host)

okay, let's move on so I've heard yes, no, that's, that's dope, I know, I know, but but I think if people, whether or not you get this book, I'm gonna put it in the show notes because it was a fantastic book and no, it was it.

27:13 - Nachi (Host)

I really had you, and now that you brought that up, I really I'm to go back to my notes because I need to look.

27:20 - Damaris (Host)

I'm glad I put it in my. I put it also. I hand wrote notes and I put it in the notes app.

27:29 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I think I'm so happy I did Right.

27:32 - Damaris (Host)

So for those folks that may not want to get the book and you don't have to, but you could very easily just think of your happiest moments in life, your most joyous moments. Think about what triggered that. Then it's like start figuring out what was the context of you being in that moment, of you being in that moment. Start to drill down to the root of why that person, place or thing made you feel so good and, like we've already said, ask yourself these questions without limitations. This will definitely help you start to identify what your mission is or even ultimately lead into what your purpose in life is.

28:25 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I would also just kind of add in on to that, exploring your strength and what ignites you, what ignites you, I would, in addition to your reflection, your self-reflection, I would say, reach out to close friends and family that know you, that see you.

28:52

Sometimes they, they can identify some of you know, some of your strength that you didn't even realize. You know and I just thought about this because I was listening to a different podcast and, um, she was just talking about, um, you know, uh, kind of going back to what you love, and she was just sharing how uh she was. She was at a particular job and she was leaving it, but she didn't know what to do next and a lot of. So she decided to ask her friends and and and some family members what are her strengths and what are her weakness, and a lot of the um, a lot of what they shared with her made her realize that she really does love to write and yeah, she was just like you know, and they didn't even think that that could be something she could pursue as a career too.

29:49

Like, yeah, you, you, why don't you go back to blogging and doing all this? You were so great and your, your content was fun and and she just didn't think about it. But she remembered how much joy it brought her when she was doing it and she said you know what? I need to just go back to that and start, even starting slow with that. So right, yeah, if you can't, if you having trouble trying to figure that out for yourself, ask some friends and family, because that's a great point.

30:22

Yeah, we can. You know, as a friend, as as a sister, I could tell you know, I could say, you know, demarits and I will talk about stuff, about each other, and and we'll sister, tell me what am I good at.

30:37 - Damaris (Host)

I need to hear it now. What should I pursue?

30:42 - Nachi (Host)

girl, you're already pursuing it, but we always pick each other up right whenever either one of us feel that we're not doing what we should be doing or not on the right path we are able to give me what we're on the ledge like we are able to speak life into each other and I feel like you can reach, if you're in a place where you're trying to figure out like what should I do?

31:15 - Damaris (Host)

I don't know what am I good at? I don't know. I mean, sometimes we do that and then sometimes we're on the on the ledge together and we're doing a Thelma and Louise. But you know, I love that about us. It's the realest thing y'all gonna ever fucking get, that's for sure.