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Harnessing Your Passion Episode Transcript

00:00 - Nachi (Host)

Passion is that burning desire that ignites our actions and gives our lives a sense of purpose. It's what drives us to surpass our limits, uncover our hidden potential and strive for greatness. In this episode, we have the honor and pleasure of having the renowned costume and fashion designer, emilio Sosa, who will share with us how he cultivated his passion and created fulfilling and purposeful life. So let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelle, I'm Dominican, podcast, hosted by Nachi and Damaris. So welcome back everybody. This is your girl, nachi, and I'm here with Damaris, president of the, I Hate Saloncho Club.

00:54

Oh don't we know that and our very special guest today need no introduction in the world of fashion and design. His work has graced the stages of Broadway, red carpets, reality TV and beyond, and if you don't know him, then do yourself a favor and Google him. Joining us today is the brilliant costume designer, emilio Sosa, and our wonderful, beloved cousin, welcome.

01:22 - Damaris (Host)

Emilio.

01:25 - Nachi (Host)

You like the clap.

01:29 - Emilio (Host)

Yes, thank you.

01:33 - Nachi (Host)

You know, when we were talking about this topic of harnessing your passion, you were the one that came up to us immediately because I think you're probably the only one, if one of the very few people we know that knew what you wanted to do from the very beginning and you just took that. And you know, you created such a wonderful career and journey for yourself. You know taking on your passion and you know we're looking forward to this conversation as you share with our listeners. But for those who live under a rock, why don't you?

02:13 - Damaris (Host)

introduce yourself.

02:16 - Nachi (Host)

Right right.

02:19 - Emilio (Host)

Hello, my name is Emilio Sosa. I am a New York based costume and fashion designer. I grew up here and, like Nachi and Damaris, I've always wanted to design, since I was a little kid and I up in valleys, hills and dips and stumbles, but I always kept the faith that I would be where I am. But I never planned my career. I wasn't at 13 saying, oh, I'm going to design on Broadway and be chair of the American Theatre Wing. That was so far away from me. I just wanted to draw and design, and the reason I wanted to do that is I had a traumatic childhood and art became my refuge. It's something that I could do on my own. I didn't need anyone but a pencil and a piece of paper, so that was always very intriguing to me.

03:17 - Damaris (Host)

And.

03:17 - Emilio (Host)

I just stuck with it. You know it was like I said in our family because you know my beloved cousins. You know I'm a first generation immigrant. The arts is not something that was naturally in our culture.

03:35

Yes, we had a lot of music, a lot of dancing and a lot of expression of joy. But as far as the fine arts and theater, that was not something that I wasn't exposed to, or my family my media family wasn't exposed to. So the fact that I got here is a journey on its own, but I'm so proud of both of y'all. What you're doing. It's amazing. You know, Dominican population is the largest. The New York Dominican Republic is the largest outside of the island.

04:01

Okay come on now. Your perspective is so fresh. There's a lot of us, we ain't going nowhere. Your perspective is so refreshing, so familiar. So when you guys launched last season, I was like, wow, that's so cool. But they haven't asked me. And you know I love it and then I didn't want to be that cousin like yo. Why are you asking me to get a job?

04:33 - Damaris (Host)

You were like jotting notes, like okay, right, still haven't gotten a call.

04:38 - Emilio (Host)

I was told they got that person called and the funny thing is, you know that's part of how I handled my career. You know a lot of things that I wanted that I didn't pursue because, aside from having this really public career, I dealt with low self esteem my entire upbringing. It wasn't recently where I came into myself, and the reason why I went so hard on building a public career is to overcome what I was lacking from inside. So I said to myself okay, if people focus on the public in Millio, no one would then look at the private kid who's shy and skinny and really want to talk to anyone. So you know. So now, kind of that, I'm at the age that I am. It's kind of like all melting together. I can stand in my truth as far as the man that I am and my career wise. So that's a brief introduction.

05:38 - Damaris (Host)

I love it and don't worry, the show notes will put like you know how people can follow you on Twitter and IG, but you touched upon so many things For me it's. I love that she said you didn't know exactly what that endpoint was going to be for you, but you knew what you loved, right? So that's what you poured your energy to. And and I think I get caught up in the I need to have a plan, so I'm going to be ex by this day and so when that doesn't come to fruition, I get frustrated, but that's me not letting it flow, right.

06:09 - Emilio (Host)

That's me trying to control and right, you're setting it up for just absolutely so how?

06:16 - Damaris (Host)

did you know not to do that? Like it sounds like a lot of this was very innate for you. Like when did you even recognize? Like okay, art is my outlet.

06:25 - Emilio (Host)

Like I just recognized that. No, I knew art was something. Well, the reason I got to art was because of a third grade teacher. In the South Bronx in the 70s and for those who don't know, new York in the 70s have burnt to the ground the South Bronx, where my family, my parents, still live, was like the red zone for urban plight and destruction Right and within that I found a community that really cared about the people that were there. So while the buildings were burning around us we still have like little, like little league boy scouts, cup scouts. We still had those kinds of things that made life a little little more possible. But in the third grade I had an incident and it has shut me down emotionally and psychologically. I was trying to figure out why aren't I engaging with the students or the teachers at school and my third grade teacher, miss Torres God bless her wherever she is Shout out to Miss Torres.

07:32 - Damaris (Host)

Shout out to.

07:32 - Emilio (Host)

Miss Torres. Yeah, she was trying to figure out, why aren't I engaging? So she said, well, let me try art. And she gifted me a box of colored pencils and a pad of paper. And that was, and that was, the very beginning. So I just poured myself into the art.

07:55 - Damaris (Host)

You know, you guys know my dad.

07:57 - Emilio (Host)

You know my dad was very like Dominican macho and you're going to. You might want to go my way or the highway.

08:04 - Damaris (Host)

There's no in between. There's no in between.

08:08 - Emilio (Host)

There's no in between. So I had to figure out how do I survive in that environment and do what I wanted to do. But I never planned to be a custom designer. I started after third grade. I started drawing, drawing drawing Teachers were interested.

08:27

I was getting good feedback from it, but I was very shy. I didn't want the attention. I always fought against the attention. That's why I so ironic that I have a career For me. I just the attention was the last thing that I wanted. But when I turned 13, I saw I went to the newsstand to buy the newspaper for my dad and there was a cover of GQ magazine. There was a black male model and that was the first time I had ever, ever seen a person of color on a fashion magazine. This was 1979 in the Bronx and I remember it, and I asked my mom for some money to buy the magazine. My mom always found a way to support my art career, even when I didn't know how she did it. She worked in a factory for almost 30 years, making minimum wage, and my parents raised three kids and, knock on wood, we're like kind of stable.

09:31 - Nachi (Host)

That's when you're right. Yes, yes.

09:34 - Emilio (Host)

They raised you guys. But somehow, by hook or by hook, I bought that magazine. That's what got me interested in fashion, and from that point on, from the age of 13, until now, I've been dabbling in fashion one way or another. And then that led me to high school, where once again, my low self-esteem did not allow me to test for the high school of art and design when I was in the eighth grade. So I went to an academic school at Harlem, but I still wanted to be an artist, so I would take classes on the weekends and then finally I found a program through the New York State Ed that I could do my academics at my Harlem school. Then I could do all my artwork at Art and Design. So finally I made it into Art and Design and then from there I went to that institute in Brooklyn, which is a private art and engineering school, and I majored in fashion design, and that's how I started my career. And then from there that led me to here, Wow.

10:44 - Damaris (Host)

You know it's funny. You talk about how you grew up and and not to mention this, when we were talking about engaging you and bringing you on, and she said I just always remember how you know he was always drawing and doing something and showing us like his fashion designs.

10:59 - Emilio (Host)

But then there's like all these baseball trophies lining up against your wall that you and your two other brothers oh my God, I was, I was, I was. That was the hardest period for me between, I would say, 11 and 13. Because over the years where my dad was the coach, oh, I didn't know, he coached. My dad was my dad. My dad was the coach. You know God, I love my dad because what he did for our family, that gentle parenting, wasn't it?

11:30

Yes, but he had like today, when you talk to your kids nicely, what are you feeling? It was like go over there, I was the worst, I was horrible, I was. I think at some point they were embarrassed. I was embarrassed for them that I was on the court but I was helping people. How bad it was because my brother, nick, amazing student, amazing athlete and still to this day You're like shy and reserved, amazing personality, the life of the party, great athlete, me wom wom.

12:11 - Damaris (Host)

Stake attitude, doing introvert.

12:14 - Nachi (Host)

Oh my.

12:15 - Emilio (Host)

God and I was different. You know what I can say now that you know. You know, at the gay black man at 11 and 13, I just, you know you're like. What is this? You know, although people you know I grew up being called, all of those things are part of my upbringing, because that just happened within the family. Because, you know, when you have such a large family, you have the spectrum of people who are supported to people who are just ignorant and stupid, and then neighborhood at large.

12:45

But what I say about those three years when I was forced to play, literally, was it taught me the most valuable lesson that I still use today is that sometimes you just got to get up, put that damn uniform on and do your work, right, and whatever happens before or after I can control, but for those three hours I had to do what I do and that's and that's a lot of what I do today. There's sometimes I don't want to get up and go, you know, figure out something for a show or go to a fitting, you know. But I just put my happy face on and you get there and you get the job done, and I learned that the hard way, because there were days that I would pray for rain Right. Right Doesn't doesn't. We wouldn't have to play, I would you know.

13:37 - Damaris (Host)

Right right, you were talking about your challenges and I think that is going to resonate to so many people that you know that look like us. Right Representation is everything, and when you see that you feel better, you know like you feel like. Oh, I can do it too.

13:57 - Emilio (Host)

No, totally, but that's been the but, that's always been the course of my career. My career, I mean. I've been working in data for 36 years and it seemed like my career is now like that should have pop in.

14:09 - Damaris (Host)

But that's right, it was not an overnight success.

14:12 - Emilio (Host)

I always tell people I'm like the 30 year overnight success. It looks like an overnight 30 years, but in those 30 years I sold shoes, I worked at a spa, I worked at a warehouse. I did whatever I have to do to able to paint my artistic career, because that was always my goal. I never got stuck in a position because the money was good or because I was comfortable, because I know that's not where I wanted to be. I wanted to design every day, make creative decisions every day, and I did what I had to do to get here. So it brings us back to what we were saying in the beginning, damaris when you don't get as much as we want to plan, we don't have control. All you could do is keep doing what you do at your best and pray that all the stars line up, and then you'll get your opportunity. You've got to be ready. You've got to stay ready.

15:08 - Damaris (Host)

Okay, you've got to be ready to get shot.

15:10 - Emilio (Host)

It's not another thing, it's a face-to-face analogy. I may be sitting on that bench, but you're listening. You have good listening skills, but you're learning. You're saying. You know, at one point I was so bad that my dad made me the assistant coach so I had to just sit there and take this floor.

15:18 - Nachi (Host)

No, you know what?

15:29 - Damaris (Host)

I know your teammates look at you like why is he on his team? It's just because his dad is the coach, like you were. Totally nepotism, no, but you know what?

15:37 - Emilio (Host)

But this is the fact. My teammates were like my family, my brother, my cousin and then, oh my God. But you know what? Every year we won the championship. So we were on the winning team, but internally I could just see my dad when I would go up to bat. I see the disappointment in history, I think there's nothing greater for a kid to see disappointment in their parents.

16:05 - Damaris (Host)

No, you're absolutely right.

16:06 - Emilio (Host)

I grew up with that because I was never, ever think what they imagined a son to be.

16:12 - Damaris (Host)

You would never get to fit into that mold that our culture has for our Dominican males and Dominican women, like you weren't going to do that Totally.

16:21 - Emilio (Host)

You know my mom's family. It was a more matriarchal. The women ruled the roost. You know, on my dad's side the men ruled the roost and I was not part of that, like I didn't come out the way they wanted me to come out.

16:35 - Damaris (Host)

But I think I came out the way I was supposed to.

16:37 - Emilio (Host)

Like I said, I struggled to be where I am, but I never, ever, lost faith that I would be where I am because I knew what I wanted to do and I knew I had talent.

16:46 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah, and I think that's important to share because you know, like you mentioned, it's like we, even our parents, have a plan for us. We don't like to make the plan or we shouldn't make the plan, but our parents end up making a plan. And I think that's when I was trying to apply for college and the type of major model was like yeah, you should go into accounting or actuary. I'm like, I don't even like math.

17:10 - Emilio (Host)

Like why?

17:11 - Nachi (Host)

do I want to go into that, but in her head she's like that's where the money is Totally you make a good living and that's the mentality especially when you know you come from immigrant parents yes, it's like, yeah, it's like you need to have a career that's going to bring you good income. And so I like the fact that you said you know your your focus was enjoying and and and cultivating that joy around your creativity. Yeah, and I think that's so important for people to hear.

17:46 - Emilio (Host)

Because you have to. I've always said, you know, I always get interns and young, young people early in the career to work with me. I was like you always have to have a roof over your head, you always have to and a place to sleep. That is no matter. You can't be an artist if you don't have that. You can't create a hoodie if there's a lot of darkness around you. But you know, but not. You mentioned your parents, but I must say your dad, you know, got rest his soul. Yeah, franco de Los Angeles was. He was a light for this family. I don't know, I don't know whether I think I've expressed it to you guys before, but I want the greater audience to really understand what, what your father meant to our family when he came before you guys were born. But I can say you guys were. It was before you were born. When your father met your mom and came into the family, it changed the entire dynamic of thought, because your dad has such an interesting talk about interesting. Yes.

18:48 - Damaris (Host)

Sure.

18:51 - Emilio (Host)

And it fascinated me as a kid how he went to Europe, how he spoke English, how he was like of the time and then, coming from the immigrant background that we all were coming from, it was like, wow, who is this? Yeah, and he was one of the only family members who always, always uplifted me. It didn't matter what, when or why he was always my name is yes, you can do it. He was always so proud of everything I did. He would lift me up and I remember at times when I wasn't getting that at home but your dad or your mom were around, I knew that at least someone would always, always lift me up and I mean I can, I could not thank him enough.

19:44

I think, I, but I. One thing that I'm very proud of is that I've always said it to him when he was around. I've always told him how much I appreciate what he did for me as an individual, but also, like I said, the light he brought into the family, because, you know, Franco Del Santo was one of the kind.

20:04 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, he was definitely a light even with us. I mean Demarus, and I always talk about, like he would praise, every little thing that we did like we're not doing anything, but okay, that's so important. It really is? Yeah, it is.

20:20 - Emilio (Host)

That support is. It's no matter how many accolades I accomplish now, older in my life, it would always take me back to when you know and I will say, and like I always say, my father was the most amazing man, but he at one point wouldn't even let me have a sewing machine in the house, because that's not what I mean, it's exhausting. You know that's what I mean, and I remember, you know, our auntie Cucuna.

20:53 - Damaris (Host)

Georgina Boyd Holler. I love her government name.

20:56 - Nachi (Host)

You better stop putting that on blast.

21:00 - Emilio (Host)

She was the seamstress all her life, aside from making the first thing I ever designed a blouse for my mom she made. I remember I got a sewing machine from her one year like an industrial machine, which they're like big on a table 100 pounds. I dragged that from her house down to me.

21:24

I can see you. I can see you. I got a little car you know she lives a block and a half and the little car. I dragged that mother fucker up. You said I'm going to use this shit and put it in the room that I shared with my brothers. My dad came home that night and made such a fuss that the next fucking morning my ass had to take that mother fucker back to Cucuna's house. He says no, no. So I mean, in a way it's just like not that he's an ignorant man, but ignorance of you don't a piece of machinery does not define who you are. Right, right, she didn't have nothing to do with me, but for him sewing was not a man's thing, man's don't Fashion is in it.

22:22

Yeah, yeah, I always think about that Relations to your dad, how complimentary he was to everyone and always uplifting, and my dad did so much for me.

22:34 - Damaris (Host)

Dad doesn't take away from what he's done.

22:37 - Emilio (Host)

But that doesn't take away what he did as a man, because I never, ever had to worry about having a roof over my head.

22:44

Having clothes on my back I was going to eat. He always had a car so my mom was in like drag and shit to the laundromat. We always had a washer and dryer, those things. He was like top notch. But when it came to the little stuff, the stuff that really makes you who you are as a person, it was a little bit more of a struggle for him and I think he understands it now in his older age.

23:10

He understands a little bit of it, because now the irony is that, since Nick is up in New Rochelle and Felipe is down in Florida with Anil, I am the You're the main caregiver.

23:22 - Damaris (Host)

Did you listen to that episode from season one? You're the primary caregiver.

23:29 - Emilio (Host)

There's something like Lord Jesus, help me not to litigate my childhood at this moment yes, yes, yes, I'm like just let it go and feel what it's like for me right now you got a gentle parent of your own parents.

23:50 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, gentle, conscious caregiving, like, yes, all the things, oh my God, you know.

23:56 - Emilio (Host)

But Like my mom does some things like crazy. We were watching about you know some kid in Mexico. She was 12 and she was like oh my God, 12 is so young Look at her.

24:10 - Nachi (Host)

You had me doing that 12. She was like I'm in a minute baby.

24:12 - Emilio (Host)

She was like she was 12. And your answers were going to be like. I can tell you, I can't say for ourselves, but we would take care of us. It's like it's such a disconnect.

24:27 - Nachi (Host)

I think about this being a latchkey kid at nine years old and mommy's always fussing about the kids. I'm like they're 13 and 13. What are you talking about? They're old. I was going home.

24:41 - Emilio (Host)

And they just don't. I don't know, maybe you know, I don't know if they don't get it, but it's just different.

24:48 - Damaris (Host)

Well, you know, I will say that, bobby, to the end, even when you know when you would invite us to events for your fashion and your shows. He was always so proud taking pictures with everyone, like I still found pictures, one with him and Spike Lee.

25:05 - Nachi (Host)

And he's like yeah, that's fine.

25:07 - Damaris (Host)

He adored you, he was so proud with how successful you are.

25:12 - Nachi (Host)

Everyone that came to the house.

25:14 - Damaris (Host)

Are not even work. He was yes, so I'm grateful that you brought him up because, yes, he's a light that's still is still around.

25:22 - Emilio (Host)

So Right in the family. Still, his tentacles are still Absolutely.

25:29 - Damaris (Host)

Absolutely.

25:30

It's good to have the support and you know you bring up a good point of, sometimes even in your own home, where it should be your safe space. It's not necessarily a safe space for you, so it's. How do you? You know you found ways to navigate and find those safe spaces, the fact that you were even able to find a program to add on to your high school experience to get to where you want to go, like that, you just followed your intuition. It sounds like you know. On top of that, I think the right people aligned themselves and were put on your path to do that. You know how do you find that? Because you pursued your passion. How does that feed into other parts of your life?

26:13 - Emilio (Host)

It wrecked my private life.

26:16 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, that's true, honestly working.

26:21 - Emilio (Host)

You know what, for a long time I have no idea of balance. No, because when I went hard, I went hard and I would tell anyone that I was involved with us, at least in my career, comes first, and I don't think that's a very inviting way to start.

26:39 - Damaris (Host)

You're never going to be number one. Do you want to date me?

26:44 - Emilio (Host)

You're not the one for a while. But now that I'm at this age I'm like oh, maybe you know, I realize that. And then someone said something to me recently. They said when you're single, you go far, far, yeah, but there's nothing holding you back. But if you're partnered you rise slowly, but you maintain Interesting. Yeah, it's about balance. So right now I'm looking for a puppy that can tell you.

27:14 - Damaris (Host)

Wait, a puppy on top of taking care of your parents in the Bronx. I don't know if this is what you should really be doing, but go ahead by all means. Yeah, you sound like you have so much extra time for a puppy.

27:26 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah, I love me when I come.

27:30 - Nachi (Host)

Oh my goodness, You're going to be real angry come day two.

27:35 - Damaris (Host)

Right, so you take refunds. Can I give the dog back?

27:40 - Emilio (Host)

I don't know, but yeah, but yeah. I think that was like the greatest sacrifice, but that was a choice, because I have a lot of friends who are partnered or married and have kids and have very successful, happy careers. I just made it. I just made that choice that I wanted to be able to just run a drop of a dime and fly out they needed me somewhere and not worry. And then it becomes a habit, then you get used to, you create that kind of lifestyle. I'm always overbooked. I always got three jobs four jobs happy.

28:17 - Nachi (Host)

That's always good, I mean, and that's a beautiful thing to hear.

28:21 - Damaris (Host)

That's a great problem?

28:23 - Emilio (Host)

No, especially after COVID, I went from making X amount to zero, yeah To zero. I was in a business for two years. Luckily I had made enough and I had a good accounting firm that they helped me float those two years with PPP loans. All that Before, like, talking about the government, I was able to tap in because being an artist, you also have to give business person.

28:49 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, not just about drawing pretty pictures and sometimes that's incongruent, right, I know creative people that really like what business I did just like does not.

29:00 - Emilio (Host)

No.

29:00 - Nachi (Host)

I love it.

29:01 - Emilio (Host)

I love. I love seeing that my bank account.

29:06 - Nachi (Host)

I like the change that I see in there.

29:10 - Emilio (Host)

I like it? No, but it's a business. Like I'm a corporation. You know the otherwise know how I would have survived.

29:21 - Damaris (Host)

Not so much advice right there. I don't think people realize that you are corporate.

29:27 - Emilio (Host)

You are a brand you are. I treat myself with the same respect that I would treat clients that would hire me. You know, because I think as artists when we get hired we will go 120% for the client but then neglect ourselves in our own house, because for me in my early part was like self-esteem issues, like you know, it's also like impostercies. Yes, I don't deserve it. Why am I here, especially in the theater community, when a lot of times, even today, I may be one or two of the only brown people in a room of?

30:04 - Nachi (Host)

faith.

30:07 - Emilio (Host)

You know, and as chair of the American Theatre Wing, I'm in really important meetings and I'm still maybe one or two of the person of color. But that needs us because their business model cannot sustain itself anymore. The clients, the audience is getting older, they don't want to come to the theater. So you have to try to program and produce things that are going to bring a diverse audience. But what we're having is they've never had to reach out to the audience. So they're like where do we start?

30:43 - Damaris (Host)

Why do we do this?

30:44 - Emilio (Host)

Right, when do we start Using a same old? You know, data bank is not going to bring in a lot of You're going to have to evolve.

30:54

You're going to have to evolve and that's the hardest thing. That's why I'm so excited on the projects that I'm doing for 2024, because they're I call them immersive experiences. So it's putting the theatrical experience to where the people are. No one has three hours to sit in a theater and just be told a story. Then you are part of the interaction. You know, you get to drink, you get to party and you get an experience, and I think that's where the younger people are coming to. So I'm excited that, as that whole world evolves, that I'm getting in on it.

31:35

I mean I've been around it for a long time, but now I think more people are really tapping into it as far as, instead of you know, doing a Broadway show, people are now trying to do experiences where you know you're upcharge, you sell them the ticket, then you sell them the drink, then you sell them the merchandise.

31:55 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, do it all, that's what it is, do it all, so that's exciting for me.

31:59 - Nachi (Host)

We look forward to our invite.

32:00 - Damaris (Host)

Thank you.

32:01 - Emilio (Host)

Totally, I'm doing. Yeah, totally. One is going to open in the spring of 2024 and then the other one in the summer.

32:10 - Damaris (Host)

Okay, Well, you have to let us know, because then we'll also be publicizing that.

32:12 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah.

32:13 - Damaris (Host)

But um, yeah, no, that's exciting. I you know, I love to hear that Like you're part of, not only are you doing, you're working in the space that you enjoy, but you're also now driving, you know where it can go and being a part of that movement, Right, so it's not like you're not even, you're not just a cog, You're actually a big part of it and and it's nice to have that kind of representation at that level. You'd love to see more, but you know, like we're, we're getting there or you know, we create our own table. I'm big with that too.

32:44 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah, I mean, when you guys created the podcast, I was like genius, genius, there's something that you both can do. Right, you could do it and your point of view is very unique, is very New York. It's very versatile, not you. You can tackle the parenting side because you're a mom of two. Almost teenage kids have all their parents, the marriage. You can tackle the balance of hype or career versus your artistic expression, and that's what people need.

33:19

People just want to be that it can be done, yes, and if they see us, which is what I have to like, really, really like not be so guarded with myself as far as all. Look, look what I've accomplished. Let me just keep it to myself, open it up and show people. Not that I'm showing off, but that is possibilities, the possibilities that you know what we're.

33:46 - Damaris (Host)

What drives us to do this show is to give people a different perspective right, and to give people the space to. I want, ultimately, people to be happy about their lives and to want to vibrate higher, to increase their frequency. I say that because this world is constantly it's chaotic, or at least what is always presented to us is chaos, and that is distracting. That's distracting from us pursuing what it is we should be doing as individual human beings, and so it suppresses our natural or, you know, like to me all of that, and that is what. So when you talk about my father's life, we're here talking about this because this is what we saw and what we grew up with.

34:29

So I understand the power of you. Should live your life through your intuition and not be distracted by everything else that's going on outside of you, and this is why we enjoy having guests, and sometimes we just talk amongst ourselves about like things that that impact us. Anything we talk about is like what's happened in some capacity in our lives and it's like this is what we did. You don't have to do this, but know that there's other ways to approach a particular problem and that's not the solution. To do better, to to thrive. We're in a space of thriving and joy.

35:03

I'm not here to be, you know we're not here to be like oh, let me talk about pop culture, or you know what's happening in the world today? I can't. You could do that on your own.

35:11 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah.

35:11 - Nachi (Host)

So much of that out there. Yeah, yes, and these are conversations that the Marist and I always have, and we just thought, like you know what I think other people might want to listen into these conversations.

35:23 - Emilio (Host)

It's about representation. You're absolutely right and I think, like I said, I was so proud and so happy when I saw that you guys have this podcast going like yes.

35:32 - Damaris (Host)

Thank you, I love you so much yeah.

35:36 - Nachi (Host)

Likewise.

35:38 - Damaris (Host)

And I wonder do you ever think about, if you didn't pursue your passions, what your life would look like right now?

35:46 - Nachi (Host)

A baseball coach.

35:50 - Emilio (Host)

Right, real angry and bitter and shit.

35:55 - Damaris (Host)

I can't.

35:56 - Nachi (Host)

Oh my God, not a baseball coach. I don't know.

36:03 - Emilio (Host)

I don't know how to do anything else. Yeah, there was never a plan to be. Because I never had a plan, because I'd never been nothing but an artist. Like I said, you know, I think I'm talented enough that I can thrive in any environment you put me in, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy, right? Yeah, so I pursue being happy over thriving in someone else. I always say to myself also I said you know life is.

36:29

There's two things in life you can work on your own dream or you can work on someone else. Yes, yes, and there's valence, validity, and not everyone is meant to like be the one and be in. Some people just thrive at being the help to help others Dream, but that's a thing. You can't go into someone's dream wanting it and not. You know what I mean. Yeah, you can't be coming to my shit or angry and jealous Right, because you're mad, because you're mad at yourself and you're not pursuing your own.

37:08

Go pursue your stuff and you will find those people who will support you. So that's what I'm trying to do. So that's a choice, I think people, which is a hard choice Because unfortunately, you know, a lot of young people have kids early, so you know once you have a kid life's choices you make, but that doesn't stop you from pursuing your dream.

37:29

I always thought that you know, either you work on your dream or you work on someone else's. When you're working on someone else's, you got to give them 100% of yourself, Because that's what you're doing. Yeah, and I've done that. Brilliant people who have become my friend because they've seen that I had my own passion and then pursued my own shit and was successful. But you know, I work with multi-millionaire people who have created shit and I was there at the very beginning, Left on the floor for them. I worked 35 extra hours for them because I was learning.

38:05 - Nachi (Host)

Right, you saw something in there, and you got to learn.

38:09 - Emilio (Host)

You know that from being in the baseball bench.

38:13 - Damaris (Host)

Those listening skills come in Facebook is not going to die in this family, good lord I. So, you don't have baseball somehow infiltrated in your life. Oh, jesus Christ, we didn't play baseball. Mommy was obsessed every like all the Yankees came every game.

38:44 - Emilio (Host)

My grandmother Rosa she.

38:46 - Nachi (Host)

Is wrestling, wrestling, oh, wrestling.

38:52 - Emilio (Host)

Remember a thing, roller Derby, the Diablos and Patina. She used to love to pull the shirt.

38:58 - Nachi (Host)

Oh my God, I love her so much.

39:01 - Emilio (Host)

I love her. I love that about her. She's so sweet Love. What it's funny, though no like I'm sorry, no, no, no, I'm just saying she's. I will always remember that about her.

39:13 - Damaris (Host)

She loves sports and yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, and that's why all her girls and her boys, they love watching sport or not engaging.

39:23 - Emilio (Host)

Oh, who is watch sports, you know, but sports it's like I said. I mean I had personal, you know issues with it, right In that sense, but it taught me so many lessons about working together, team sports, shutting up. When you had to shut up, like I said, put on form and shut the fuck up.

39:43 - Damaris (Host)

I don't think people understand that sometimes, yeah it on teams is just like you don't always got to be in the know with everything. Sometimes just play your motherfucking position. Do you play your part?

39:57 - Nachi (Host)

And if you don't want to get the fuck out.

39:59 - Damaris (Host)

like that's my like. It is simple Do not do it. If you, if you feel you got to be CEO level, no, get the fuck out.

40:08 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, we can't all become your, that's it.

40:11 - Damaris (Host)

He's right Exactly. I just want me to understand in some people these days that that feels that entitled. I'm like, I don't get it, we don't vibe. I know I'm here to learn and then if once I feel like I'm done learning, I move on.

40:25 - Emilio (Host)

You move on, you grow, you grow, you know, but it's all, it's a family, you know, it's all the family nucleus, what you put, the environment you put in, because kids are kids, are born and we create that Mm. Hmm, you know, I don't have, I've never had, you know, the blessing of being a parent, so I can only speak as an uncle. Watching my brother raise kids and my cousins and their kids is like kids come. They're almost like clay. Yes, parents are the, the sculptors. They absorb. Whatever you have around you, they absorb. That's why it's so important Positive affirmation. That doesn't mean yes, yes, yes to everything and no discipline, right, but it means that when they do well, you tell them you love them, give them a hug. Yeah, yeah.

41:21

You know that's so important. You have to hug your kids yeah, we definitely. Wait boys you know boys don't cry. Yeah, don't be a city.

41:34 - Damaris (Host)

No, you're telling them not to be a human being.

41:38 - Nachi (Host)

You're telling them to bottle.

41:39 - Damaris (Host)

Shut up any emotion going to explode in other ways, okay.

41:44 - Emilio (Host)

You know, I'm your daughter, I'm your granddaughter, I'm your yes, yep. That's what it is. You're setting up your girls. Yeah, the way you raise your face, you're just setting up your girls for heartbreak and torture. Come on Because you're gonna come around somehow. The manifestation, you know, like we got another. I never say that I got lucky, but having just brothers is very different from having a sister. Yeah, oh, because we're raised differently. Yes, so the shit that we didn't go through as brothers, you know, my, my brothers who have daughters, oh, I'm sure.

42:24 - Damaris (Host)

Oh, I'm like, I'm like anything you dealing with. What did you do in your life? Because that is payback. Karma comes through your daughters. I promise you. I promise you.

42:35 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah, a daughter, a father, yes, nothing else in the world. Because, though, the way you treat the women outside of your life is what they're looking at how men treat women and the boys, the way boys treat, the way fathers treat their mothers and their together, or whatever, is how treat their partner. It's true, so it's, we're all. Basically, is what I'm trying to say we're all and we're all right each other.

43:03 - Damaris (Host)

No, I love it. This has been. I love this conversation. In this, we we took it all over the place, but in a very, in a good way because, honestly, if you're pursuing your passion, if you're doing what it is that makes you happy, all of these things play a factor into that. Right, like there's absolutely.

43:25 - Emilio (Host)

I can give you a quick. You know my story has been written up, yeah, Forever. There's a million out there If everyone wants to read how I started, where I went and what I did. But I think what the most important thing that I would always look back on my career is that I yes, I started low self esteem, but I always gave myself a chance. You know it wasn't, you know, I never, ever doubted that I could do it.

43:53

You never gave up, I always do it and I would do whatever I had to do to do what I loved to do. And there's no regret, there's no shame in working, like I said, at McDonald's during the day if you're Patterns at night for your own collection. Yeah, that's not a shame, that is drive.

44:16 - Nachi (Host)

Oh yeah, that's called.

44:18 - Emilio (Host)

You know, because you know it's not your end. Mcdonald's is just a pit stop to get you to your end and I was always able to do that. You know. I know I get my father hard time looking back but also, like I said, he provided a safe space as far as I didn't have to worry about having shelter, food, housing. I take for granted that I've no many young people who you hear stories of we would get a victim every week or my mom through now at 15. I was in the street. You know I thank God never went through that. So that is huge. You know my mom somehow always found the way to that. I never, ever, lacked art supplies the same way other kids did.

45:04

Right, you know, someone else if I needed a fucking of Some big old notepad or something. That woman made it possible that I had it.

45:16

My brothers were supportive, in a sense, where they never, ever said, no, you can't do something. No, they might not have understood who I was at the beginning, because a lot of times, because I was always able to shake off the outside world, because I knew what I had was me and I didn't worry about it. It's harder on your siblings to witness bullying, because then they take it on themselves, and I think it was a little harder from for my brother at least my brother Nick to shake off the neighborhood being so aggressive on me. It's like that always had us all together at all time. So, but you know, he came through it and we have an amazing relationship. My brother Felipe. He was always like my, my shadow, he looked up to you. I put him through so much, oh my God. He tells me stories like oh, I read some love letter, oh my God.

46:18 - Nachi (Host)

Go over there. He's awesome, all up in my business. He was like Carlos from 73. That is a younger sibling for you.

46:34 - Emilio (Host)

No little. We would go downtown to follow me. He even got to know my high school friends because we'd go to Central Park every weekend and hang out. And then my brother, danilo, my dad's oldest son. We kind of grew up separately but we have a connection to that.

46:53

He was always my father's concern because he was there with us and there was always a little bit of sadness in my dad that he didn't have his four kids together and that manifested in ways that he wasn't as open with us Probably couldn't have wanted to be. But it's been an amazing ride. I get to design Broadway. I work with the top, top people. But I'm humbled because my parents are still in the soft Bronx so whenever I go home I still walk by the same elementary school. I push it on the floor. I remember one time oh my god, I don't know why she pushed me in a puddle.

47:37 - Damaris (Host)

OK, she's like I want you to get wet and turn that. I hate you.

47:42 - Emilio (Host)

But I will walk by the small to say that I'm still walking by the same elementary school, same junior high school. So, essence, I will never, ever not be that person, because I walk by it every day. It's not like I'm living on Park Avenue and never go to the Bronx ever again. I am still on that damn street that I have dragged. Ok box, great, hopped on.

48:05 - Damaris (Host)

Look, I feel the same way. I feel the same way. The BX will always be in my heart. I may not live there right now, but it's always in my heart, like that's just where we grew up, that's where our memories are.

48:17 - Nachi (Host)

And it's home.

48:19 - Emilio (Host)

Part of who we are. But you got to know who you are so you can figure out where you want to be.

48:24 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, that's absolutely.

48:26 - Emilio (Host)

Because you will always have those memories, you will never leave you. You just have to figure out how to use them, how to propel you. All that teasing and bullshit just made me want to be even bigger, because I would say you, you're going to want to know, you're going to be telling people to knew me when?

48:43 - Nachi (Host)

Oh, you're going to hate it which actually happened.

48:46 - Emilio (Host)

I'll tell you first. I'll let you guys. I had this one dude in the neighborhood who would always like back it years later, and right, I ran into that. Oh oh, or in a game Shut up.

49:04 - Nachi (Host)

You like this you always the one.

49:07 - Emilio (Host)

But wait, it's always the one and you believe that he tried to like talk to me.

49:13 - Nachi (Host)

Like hold on, Do you?

49:15 - Emilio (Host)

remember, I'm not even they should Walk the way. And I said, right to all of that bullshit, just rejecting.

49:25 - Nachi (Host)

That's what usually it is.

49:27 - Damaris (Host)

The loudest ones are the ones that just in the closet.

49:31 - Nachi (Host)

Period yes.

49:35 - Emilio (Host)

I was like I was like I could never tell. So I was like you got to be freaking, kidding me, dude.

49:41 - Damaris (Host)

The irony yeah, you knew me when. Ok, and I'm living my best.

49:45 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

49:47 - Emilio (Host)

So yeah, I use all of my challenges to propel my career Because I wanted, because I was using my career as a shield to hide my true self. The career became the shiny object that people focus on that and then don't focus on me and my own. But now, as I've gotten older, they kind of like melt it. I can't hide and eventually you know. You got to show who you are, Because that's what people connect with.

50:17 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, You're most authentic.

50:21 - Emilio (Host)

So Most authentic and I can say it was in the last five years. It's when I really maybe because I've gotten so older, I just don't care.

50:29 - Nachi (Host)

At some point you're like who am I doing this for? That could be it too. I'm like who am I hiding?

50:35 - Emilio (Host)

for all of it. That's right.

50:36 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

50:37 - Emilio (Host)

OK, who am I trying to protect? Yeah, yeah, my family, my brother, who can Right, that's it. If I'm a black man of a certain age, I'm not married, I don't have kids, disposable income, you're like what do you think?

50:51 - Nachi (Host)

that means OK, hello.

50:56 - Damaris (Host)

Hello, sound the alarm. Dummies, come on. The math is mathy, the math is actually mathy.

51:04 - Emilio (Host)

Oh, Put it all together.

51:09 - Damaris (Host)

Do I? I'm like, you're like. I don't get to spell this out to you. You guys know what, what I?

51:15 - Emilio (Host)

love it.

51:16 - Damaris (Host)

No, no, this is, oh my goodness, I love it. Oh, emilio, you don't know how happy we are to have you on the show. Yeah, and actually you should not be offended that you weren't asked to be on season one. I think, honestly, since we were.

51:29 - Nachi (Host)

No, I don't no.

51:32 - Damaris (Host)

But honestly, it's like we were like let's build up, and I'm like you're a big deal. You know what I mean? You're a big deal.

51:39 - Emilio (Host)

Right, I'm your cousin, not your first name.

51:44 - Nachi (Host)

Look, you're getting my eighth grade dress, my 316.

51:47 - Damaris (Host)

I'm never going to forget how she got to go to MC light video shoots and watch you style MC light, all that stuff that I didn't get to do. I remember Are you a junior? I?

51:57 - Nachi (Host)

don't know, but I still enjoy it Wow.

52:00 - Damaris (Host)

Now she shut up?

52:02 - Nachi (Host)

Hmm, Always try. Look you talking about Felipe being under your shadow. This is under my shadow. I'm like, okay, I'm that younger sibling Okay, no, it it, no, it, it but he did take me to Broadway shows, so I'm not even going to. You take me to show.

52:20 - Damaris (Host)

So I just want to close out with again just thanking you for being on the show and for sharing your story. I think there's so much Everything you said is relatable, regardless of where you are in your life. There you dropped a ton of nuggets, gems that to me, you know, reminds me of also myself. Like stay on the path, because I'll tell you this right now Sometimes I'm like I don't know where this podcast is going, but the things that I'm working on the podcast is the most fun for me. I enjoy it, so I'm like I'm just going to keep on tracking.

52:56

You know what with what you shared with us today just reminds me of like, yes, just relax and just flow, stop thinking about you know, like where's the end point with this? And so I thank you for that and I will put you know how people can follow you on in the show notes. But I can't wait to share with us the new shows that are coming up for 2024. So excited for you. And you're also also multi nominated Tony nominated. Like I don't think people understand who we're talking to.

53:27

Like I'm going to tell you right now I was pissed that you didn't get the award for the costume design. When you were nominated twice, the ads were in your favor. But whatever, we'll move forward.

53:38 - Emilio (Host)

Now they weren't. That's the. That's the. When you've nominated twice in the same category, you're cannibalizing your audiences. Cause the show is so different. You know, one was Ain't no, mo Lee Daniel produced black gay brown the culture. The other was good night Oscar. Sean white established, but you have the audiences never melding. So if it would have been two different categories, musical and play, but I'm just on.

54:19 - Damaris (Host)

I've been nominated. You know I was honored that you were nominated but pissed and they fucking irritated me. They're wack.

54:26 - Nachi (Host)

I don't care, I'm going to say that.

54:30 - Damaris (Host)

I know you're still fabulous with him without it, so whatever.

54:34 - Emilio (Host)

Yeah, I'm there. My little speech at the beginning.

54:37 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

54:38 - Emilio (Host)

But, but you know what I used to? I used to thrive. That used to be my goal. Okay, I gotta get, I gotta get a totally. I gotta get a totally. Got my first nomination and then it took me 10, my first show. Then it took me 10 years to get another Broadway show. So that's how this works. You know, my first show was 2002, with most death and Jeffrey Wright. Yeah, I remember I didn't get a Broadway show for 10 years, 2012. Oh my goodness, alder McDonald, in those 10 years me, because I just had a myriad of. I just rose to the top. I I took any job that would hire me. I did a lot of regional. So I worked in California, seattle, texas, chicago, anywhere just walking.

55:25

Get the experience and get to meet and learn these directors, cause Broadway is a community. It's about people. No, it's about everyone wants the hot young person at the beginning, but if they, they have to. Like you as a person and I had to learn. You know, I've always said I've always had a big chip on my shoulder and the only difference now is that my shoulders have gotten bigger. Okay, but now I have the shoulder. You know, there's nothing wrong with believing in yourself and being lucky, but you also have to have the rest of it. Yes, because you will get hired once. The trick is will they hire you again? Yeah, cause that's how you make your money in theater is you find a director that you? They create their team and as the director's career ascends, they bring their team along because you want people around you that you like, that you believe in, that you trust. And that's what I do. I build teams and most of my people are repeat customers. You know and as their career.

56:41

You know, and earlier in my career I also wanted just to do new work, because new work is well, you get paid the least one thing, but if it's new and it's successful, you have something in your contract that's called first writer refusal, which means every time they do it and it's the same production they have to offer to you first. I love that Right. Oh, you know, another reason why people love doing Broadway so much as a design is that you oh my goodness.

57:18 - Damaris (Host)

Yes.

57:21 - Emilio (Host)

So every time the show plays, every week you get a that's awesome. So those are the business aspects of the theater that I enjoy. You got to be strategic. Yes, you got to figure out those things. That's why so very few people do it. That's why they keep it so close to their, their friends and buddy yeah, because you make a show runs for five years. Imagine you're getting back yeah, every time you know, and you could be working on multiple shows at the same time, and that's I love it.

57:56 - Damaris (Host)

Oh, my goodness, you are so amazing. Let me get some business advice from you. Okay, we need to talk.

58:06 - Nachi (Host)

Let's have drinks and dinner.

58:08 - Damaris (Host)

So we need to have drinks and dinner. So, no, but I do want to do that anyway, because we don't say each other often.

58:16 - Emilio (Host)

Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to share my story and I know we went, we rambled on, but, like you said, your passion comes. Yes, do it.

58:25

Yes, part of who you are. It's a part of who you are. It's not. I always say custom design is not my job, is my existence, is who I am. It's part of my life, the colors, the people I meet, the relationships I have, the ups and downs, the you know, the valleys, the peaks, the laughter, the crying and all of what I do. Oh, I love You're the best.

58:54 - Damaris (Host)

Thank you so much for that.

58:57

We so appreciate you, I want to close out the way we always do. You know there's a lot of noise out there, but our message is consistent Stop getting distracted by the smoke and mirrors, tune out the noise and focus on your purpose in life, what brings you joy in life. We're meant to be joyful, so live that truth and vibrate higher and always. Thank you for listening. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter, at I'm not yelling underscore. Thank you so much for listening and we look forward to talking next time. Bye.