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Honoring Yourself: The Journey to Self-Love Episode Transcript

00:00 - Nachi (Host)

Today we're going to explore the topic of self-love and how we can start showing up for ourselves. Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling, I'm Dominican podcast hosted by Nachi and Damaris. Welcome back, everybody. This is your girl, achi, and I'm here with Damaris, your favorite sweet tart. Sweet tart, but that's really fitting for you. I think it describes you.

00:34

Sweet and tart yeah yeah, well, we are just really excited today because today we're going to explore the topic of self-love and how we can start showing up for ourselves, and our guest today is the one and only Viva Valdez. She's a spiritual eye-riser and medium and just an all-around beautiful soul who has no problem telling you like it is, and we love that about her. Yes, we just like really excited, viva, for you to be here and eager just to dive into this conversation about facing difficult truths than in loving ourselves, because I think that's just something that we all have difficulties doing and we just need to start looking at our truth and start living and loving ourselves better through understanding those truths. That's just bringing us down. So we're really happy that you're here, welcome.

01:36 - Vida (Host)

Hi everybody, how are you all doing today? Yes, we're great.

01:41 - Nachi (Host)

So Viva we have. We've known you for quite some time. You've done readings for us, We've done other services Mentorships yeah, Change. Yes we love your product, we stand by it. I mean just everything. And we want our audience to get to know you better and want you to share a little bit about yourself, what you do, what you offer. I know it's a long list, but share a little bit.

02:14 - Vida (Host)

Well, as they introduced me, I am Viva Valdez. On all social media platforms I'm recognized at readings by Viva and the name of my company is literally called no Dly, no Joke the Almighty Prime Devil, and that's a joke. That started a long time ago when I was doing clients readings and services. They always tell me what I don't believe in, what you do. I'm like I don't care what you believe in. It could be Jesus, God, Buddha, Allah, it could be the chocolate dragon or the Almighty pineapple, and people crack up and every time when someone saw a pineapple they thought of me. So it stuck, so that became the name of the business. But I have been a spiritual advisor and an ancestral ritualist practitioner for almost 35 years now. I started at the age of I'm about to say how old I am.

03:06

I started at the age of 14 with the guy.

03:12 - Damaris (Guest)

Five years ago right.

03:13 - Vida (Host)

A long time ago, one of the guidance and tutelage of my grandmother who did this work, who was an Epidipita or a medium in Cuba. I offer readings, consultations, mentoring sessions, I do packages, I do programs, I do in-person events. I am an ordained minister, I am a certified clinical hypnotherapist. I do hypnosis sessions, I do past life regressions, acostric readings, I mean. The list goes on, and it didn't start that way. It just started with just the channeling I would receive information ever since I was little, and then it spanned out to our online botanica, which we have services there that we can do like virtually for clients, as well as video consultations.

03:56

But my family and I create and carry our handmade and vegan products that come from our ancestors, recipes Like to help all of your spiritual, energetic needs. Anything that you're concerned about money, health, love, whatever, anything you can think of we have something for it and we have about 275 products at this time. Yeah, so we're also a distributor for Florida Water, the OG. We're also a distributor for Cuselas, the OG, colons. We get a lot of our stuff from different places, but it's all ethically sourced, like all of our sages and our wands are ethically sourced from the tribes here in the United States. We support the first people. It's so expensive.

04:42

Believe it or not, you can get it from China. So, you know that.

04:46

But we get our stuff from here. We get our crystals and stuff from our minor. We have a minor that actually goes out to different countries and it's ethically sourced as well. So we get our crystals from ethically sourced places. But I do a lot of things, but I'm also an elder in the Santeria and ifa or La Regra de Ocha traditions, which is part of African traditional religions, and I'm an elder in that tradition and I'm a wife and a mom and the community named me Mama Vida years ago and I take that title very seriously. So I basically I mother my community to the best of my ability. Sometimes being a mom is hard, so sometimes you got to get on your kids' butts.

05:27 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, giving that tough, love that part.

05:31 - Damaris (Guest)

Yeah.

05:32 - Vida (Host)

So people know, know me for the tough love They'll see me like barking or yelling something on a one minute video on social media. So I'm like it's like it's crazy. But when they start reading or seeing the whole video or reading the testimonials or seeing the content that I'm posting, that I oh she's saying it because of this and this and this and this.

05:51

So there's always a backstory as to why I'm getting to that point, because my job as a BIPOC traditional, you know, religious, spiritual person, all those titles right is about your honesty and transparency and that's something that everybody and I'm not going to say I'm not hating Everybody got, you know, got do your game, you know. But everybody now is into spirituality and energy, I'm like, but when I was doing it, when I started out, we were quiet.

06:22 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

06:23 - Vida (Host)

We never announced you know like, oh, I yo, I go and I do this and I keep, but yeah, we never. This was always my. My reputation is always been by word of mouth.

06:34 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, right.

06:35 - Vida (Host)

So and it continues to stay that way, and that's what I love. So community talks about me and other spaces. Some people like me, some people don't like me, but I'm not for everybody and I've always said that.

06:47 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, you can yes.

06:50 - Vida (Host)

And that's what we do. Let me say like come on, I have a particular flavor.

06:57 - Nachi (Host)

You may like it or not, it's something.

06:59 - Damaris (Guest)

Yeah, it's funny, you're absolutely right about the word of mouth in your community, because I found you through Nachi Nachi. She is like the IG queen and she finds like all of these great personalities and people and you're one of them, yeah. And so she was like, oh, my God, she's like, oh, that's great, you need to follow her, whatever. So I did and I would enjoy your part of the day or whenever you would just do like you know, I say your two people, your two cents about something.

07:29

And for me it wasn't about like, oh, my goodness, you know you're like, you know this person that's just like unapproachable. You were just kind of like I felt like, girl, I know you, you know you're from New York, you give me that flavor Like, yeah, and you're just telling it like it is, and I'm one that's very much about. I rather hear the ugly truth than to hear a pretty lie, right, so I don't need to be coddled. But again, that's not for everybody, and and that's fine too, right, you know, you always say follow your intuition, and so if your intuition says don't, don't listen to us, don't listen to us.

08:07 - Vida (Host)

I can sleep at night. See, yeah, yeah, run into practitioners and I've run into people who keep messing with people or keep saying like, and I'm not saying that some practitioners don't have the gift. I believe everybody has the gift of intuition every day, but not everyone is meant to be a spiritual advisor.

08:23 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

08:23 - Vida (Host)

Not everyone wants to be an elder. Just because you have these abilities doesn't mean you have to be on a spiritual tangent. Sometimes people forget that your abilities can enhance your personal life, in your career and your business. It can be marketing, it can be accounting, it can be criminal justice, it can be cosmetology, it can be everything Like. Think about it and I find so weird at times, because now there's new span, everyone's doing services. I'm like but what were you doing before and why didn't you continue that? Why don't you right Like, why don't you like? I have people all the time like oh, I want to be a spiritual advisor. I'm like why do you not know how heavy this work is?

08:55 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I'm always amazed. Yes, I'm always amazed because I'm like this is definitely heavy work. I couldn't even imagine carrying that load and being that support for such a large community. We thank you.

09:14 - Damaris (Guest)

And that's why you know we have the platform right, but we and this is how we support it with our platform and give you the space to share your insight and your wisdom. And part of that of the topic today about self-love is because you have this program of love thyself, and I remember when you came out with this, probably a little over a year ago maybe, or is it longer than.

09:35 - Vida (Host)

No 2020. I did.

09:37 - Damaris (Guest)

Already.

09:37 - Vida (Host)

Oh my god, yeah, no, this came out during the pandemic.

09:41 - Nachi (Host)

I know you did and I remember, because I was just like oh, nacho, you should do this. And I was like she's my candy girl in 10s.

09:47 - Damaris (Guest)

I'm like.

09:50 - Nachi (Host)

I'm awake on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you know it was a lot of stuff and I was just like I don't think I could deal with this heaviness of like dealing with my ish Right, no, no, no, On top of everything else.

10:04 - Vida (Host)

I get it, I completely get it, and I still have people now who ask me about the program. Like the program, it is what it is.

10:11 - Damaris (Guest)

You know it's 12 weeks.

10:13 - Vida (Host)

It's 12 weeks that we sit together.

10:16 - Damaris (Guest)

And it's commitment, but you gotta do the work.

10:18 - Vida (Host)

You know, like again, it's not even, but it's not even about facing yourself, it's about embracing yourself. And that's the point. People think like, oh, like you said, facing your ish and I'm not saying you're wrong, because you do and but also, why can't you embrace that side of you, like, why is it so? Why is it so demonized?

10:37 - Nachi (Host)

You know what I'm saying.

10:39 - Vida (Host)

This is the culture you know as being indigenous to. You know the island of Cuba and that's where my family is from. We are notorious and we were just talking about that that you know that most Caribbean people I'm not saying also don't come from my head, but most Caribbean people are narcissistic, social pass. We come from that space, we come, we come. What's that? Saying I can't get my little soldier? That's narcissism. That's that is you don't understand that. It's complete narcissism. And then you see it and we make fun of it and a lot of us Hispanic people can make memes out of it because it's funny, it's healthy, because we realize, like yo, we we some jacked up people Like you see a perfect example Like who's?

11:22

what's his name? Lewon James right, yes, yes, he's always. He's always putting out the narcissism.

11:30 - Nachi (Host)

And he's on point all the time.

11:32 - Damaris (Guest)

You're like. True, I remember that getting beat for this.

11:38 - Vida (Host)

Every time and like, and if they love them. But if somebody like me says it like oh, why are you saying that? Like? Because it's the truth and I'd rather you embrace that side of you. I can see a narcissist from a mile away because I was raised by them and I was one. Hello, I don't. I don't walk away from my look. I call myself my own. It's the same.

11:57 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah, and I and I like the fact that you said it's it's about embracing yourself, because I think that that was the missing piece for me. It was like, oh, I'm not ready for you know, to deal with this and not fully understanding the embracing part and I think that's where I'm at right now in my life is just like, okay, I am who I am and this is. You know, I just need to love her the way she is, not trying to change her to be something or someone else, but who you are right now.

12:30 - Vida (Host)

You got it, that's it, you got it, but that's difficult.

12:33 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, it is. That's not difficult for me. I wasn't even there, you don't even know how to navigate.

12:37 - Vida (Host)

Yeah, because, again, remember, you know we are surrounded in a space and a setting and a culture, not just Caribbean, but an American culture that thinking is good and feeling is bad. Yeah, yes, so to feel has been trained and integrated in you, that you have been taught, trained and conditioned to love other people before you love yourself. Yes, so you serve everybody else but you, yes. And then you wonder why you're always the cleanest.

13:08 - Damaris (Guest)

Yeah, and I think about too. I used to have a limited definition of what I thought self love was right In the past. It was like and this was before I met you and then you kind of flip that on its head for me because you made me think about things a certain way when we had our private reading and there was in the past, I would think of it more like oh, I have a high self esteem, of course, I love myself, I'm beautiful inside and out. That was my definition, with the addition of like. Also, self preservation of myself was to have boundaries, so I was always very clear with boundaries when it came to work, acquaintances, friends. But I realized, though, as I got older, that my boundaries were blurry with family and really close friends. So, and those are like the biggest perpetrators, right? Yeah, well then. But that was my definition of self love, and I'd say that then, when, after I have my with you, and then just like, the last five years have just been very transformative for myself, especially with the passing of my father, it's just like there's a lot of things that came to life for me, and one of those things was about how the biggest part of self love my self. Love journey is having grace and compassion for myself.

14:20

I did not have that. It was not existing and it was you that told me. You said you are extremely hard on yourself and I'd never thought about that. But I'm like, oh my God, I am. While you know, when it comes to my family and friends, if they ask me for a pep talk or some encouragement, I'm like a football coach. I'm like straight up, like get your head in the motherfucking game, do this. I'm not easy. Like don't come to me if you want like some sweet talk. No, it's never gonna be that. But for myself I know with Madeline and gave my niece and nephew. I'm like, what is this? Get over yourself, stop it. You could do this. But I'm like you're amazing, you can do this. And I'm like I'm a football coach.

15:00 - Nachi (Host)

She is so funny.

15:01 - Damaris (Guest)

But with myself. I'm a prison warden, it was. I'm worse, I'm like you are not what is wrong with you, because I know I could do better, but it's like what is this? I could do better, like it's just. I gave myself no grace, no wiggle room, no compassion.

15:19

And you brought that to my attention in a way that I had never really considered, and it was that perspective that really shifted for me. I was like okay, sometimes I have to give myself a hug, so before I even get into it, I have to talk myself like girl, you're the best, stop playing, cause you, you told me. You were like this society is never going to treat you great because you're a black woman. So why would you do this to yourself? Why would you add to this? And you told me that and I was like you're right, and I think people also. You know, sidebar, when, when you hear reading it's like, I think people are like oh my gosh, he told you the future. No, you, in particular, told me about myself. You were like girl, just, and it was just like. It wasn't just like oh, crystal ball, oh my God, it was no, it was just like this is how you're limiting yourself.

16:05 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

16:06 - Damaris (Guest)

This is how you you're not getting to your. You know your highest potential because you've conditioned yourself for XYZ reasons, so for me, that's how my view of self-love has expanded. I'd love to hear more about what your thoughts on that, especially in the context of, like your program right?

16:25 - Vida (Host)

So Love Myself is a 12 week program where I provide services for you, but in these services they are custom tailored for the individual, meaning that we see each other every week. There's no recordings. There's no like recorded modules that I send you. No, no, no. You're paying to see me every week and I am here to be your mirror and I'm going to mirror back everything that you don't like about, even the stuff that you think you can dress up and put some pretty lipstick on it and, like the buyout, like go the other way.

16:58

Like hey, like no, I'm like, I see you, I see that reflection right in that corner. Yeah, where's that at Like? Where are we going with that? So the whole purpose of this was is I was not happy with my life and I thought it had to do with my marriage. Then I thought it had to do with my children.

17:16

Then I thought that it had to do with my work. Then I even thought I had to do with my animals and everybody knows I'm a fanatic with my dogs and then I thought I had to do with my you know, like my social media, like that's it, I'm quitting. You know how many times I've told my husband I'm quitting, I'm not doing this anymore. He's like okay, I'll see you on social media tomorrow.

17:34 - Damaris (Guest)

Right.

17:35 - Vida (Host)

Right. But then I realized, like I have been taught to think that something else is gonna complete me when I'm the only one that can complete me. So this started in 2016. I was just we were just hitting our like our three year wedding anniversary for me and my husband and I'm like sorry, what is this? And so I started doing this work four years before I even launched it to the public, so something that took three months for most people, and some people come believe it or not. Some people come back and do it again. I've had people do it twice, three times, because remember we're late.

18:19 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah.

18:20 - Vida (Host)

No, no, no, I've had people. I matter of fact, I have one person in particular due to their past. We do it every year. Every year, we do it because again, those 12 weeks passed, layers are peeled and we see more of ourselves. Okay, I need to help with this now Because, remember, everything you've ever dealt with in your entire life has to do with a relationship, whether it's a relationship with a parent, a significant other, even your adversary is a relationship your children, your neighbors, your colleagues, your coworkers, past, present or even future.

18:53

So what? People keep forgetting that the most important relationship is the relationship of self, because you're stuck with yourself forever. I don't care how many times you distract yourself to take care of everybody else, you are still stuck with you. So if you want to be with everybody, like, oh, I gotta take care, so-and-so eat, I gotta call them and check out. And like, yo, that shit was used to kill me. I remember my grandmother to this. No lie, god rest her soul. My grandmother. Six months before she passed away, she would still call me like every day. Call me today. I'm like what do you mean, sierra?

19:28 - Nachi (Host)

Why are you worried about me?

19:30 - Vida (Host)

Yes, I'm like, yeah, it's your own child and your child called me out. I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't feed my son, like okay, but I mean, like Mindy, you the one that raised me. Now, you had a big part of my raising with, along with my mom, but again, it's that culture right? So when I started really figuring out that it was nobody else's responsibility to make me complete, oh that's when the real fun came out.

19:55

Let me tell you and I'm like yo, if I can do this, anybody can do this because I have a horrific past and I'm like and it's not to the point that it was based on my family, but my family, god loved them, but they only did what they knew. They were taught training conditions to love, love other people before they even loved themselves, especially the women in my family.

20:17

Yes, yeah, I would say that the women in my family bent over backwards, sacrificed their dreams, their goals, their aspirations for everybody else and then resented everyone, from their loving babies to their loving, doting husbands or parents, to the point of no return, because they were never satisfied, Because they had to sacrifice. And then the men in my family had to sacrifice, but it was always behind closed doors. And so they found vices, whether it was drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, working too long, other women, other things. I mean, they won't put that because they've all done it. You know, we all have a denim on B-seal. Look, my B-seal as a child was food. I was addicted to food because that's the only way I felt complete, because I couldn't talk to my grandparents. My mother was always working two to three jobs because she was a single parent.

21:10

She was a one-man eating control too, guess what you know how hard it is to fight an addiction to something that you have to have to survive.

21:17 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

21:19 - Vida (Host)

Believe me, I know. My highest rate was 260. I had diabetes, I had sleep apnea. I'm like what are?

21:28 - Nachi (Host)

we doing?

21:28 - Vida (Host)

What are we doing? Like I'm about to kill myself. Literally. The doctor told me like if you don't stop, you're going to die. I'm like because my numbers were like up there. So I'm like yo, I gotta take care of me and the only person responsible for me is me. I can blame my husband. I do the same thing my grandma did. Oh, yeah, you did this and this is why I did this. I'm like that's complete ass versus I'm like, damn, I'm gonna do this. Like shit. Like you know, you have to call yourself out. Like you have to. You have to call yourself out.

21:56

And this beautiful program. It is so unnerving but it's so beautiful when you accept that other side of yourself, all the things that you are afraid of. Why are you afraid of it? Because other people don't. You have to be afraid of it, like the fact that I am willingly open to talk about my mental health, and I've never been shy about that and I talk about it with my clients in these sessions, like I have and I'll say it right now in your podcast I have attempted suicide twice with my children in the house. That's a problem, and I'm not the only one, and I'm not the only Caribbean woman who doesn't want to wake up days and guess what? That's hello, come on. I don't care if you have kids, I don't care if you marry a single. That's just facts. Especially, you're black and brown.

22:45 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, and it just goes to your point with if you live in your life to, if you're setting that, that, that parameter or that that you know level, where you you say to yourself, okay, if I do this for my children or if I'm that for my husband or or my partner, that that's going to make me complete, and, to your point, that's never going to, you're never going to be satisfied. There's always going to be something else, and I was thinking about that the other day too. It's just like when is enough enough, like this should be enough, and be happy right now with what you have, like why is it always striving to?

23:30 - Damaris (Guest)

get more, more right.

23:32 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, if I have a bigger house, if I had a nicer car, if I had a better job. You know, it's always something else you, you tend to kind of bring forth, thinking that that's going to fix whatever issue you're having and it's never ending. When you think about it it's just like never ending, because it's always, even if you know you buy a bigger house, you got bigger problems that go along with a bigger house, right?

23:59 - Vida (Host)

Hello, no, I completely understand. I completely understand. And the crazy thing is is because we were trained that way. We were trained like you have to work hard. Yes, the bigger the house, the more money you got. The more money you got, the better you.

24:17

Look to people yes, the fattest my family. To this day, to this day, half of them, they still like that. I don't care if they agree with me or not. To this day, they still obsessed, like look, there's a lot of people. They see this, they see this.

24:37

I'm like first of all my business. That's what I'm saying and I am notorious. My cutoff game is so good, I have references and I don't care. Like I tell people at the time if I could cut off my own brother. I have a half brother and I can cut off my father who thinks I can't. I can't cut off the rest of my family because I've done it before and it's not even that I don't love my family and let me get. Let me get that out of the way.

24:58

I love every person that's connected to me biologically. I love all my relatives. I just don't like 99% of them. Viking and loving are two different things. Absolutely. I don't like 99% of those mother effers. You hear me?

25:13

I don't like your behavior. I don't like the way you talk to me. I don't like the way you talk about me. You got my number. My number hasn't changed for 15 years. You get the false. I can't let them in. Come tell me. Come tell me what you don't like about me and we can have an adult conversation. We can agree to disagree, but that's the problem. Everybody wants to talk around everybody, but nobody wants to deal with their own crap. Why do you have to? Why do you feel the need that you have to talk about somebody else? Because something is lacking in you? I was doing the same exact thing. That's when I knew I'm like oh, I'm using all these tactics. The same people I saw I didn't want to become. I was becoming man. Listen, that hit me dead in my tracks A long time ago. My son says something to me. I'm like who are you talking to? He's like well, dad does it next from my ex husband. I'm like oh, he mimicking.

26:04 - Damaris (Guest)

I'm like if.

26:05 - Vida (Host)

I don't change. He won't be just like this, yeah. And so I had to change my life and that was a whole other spiral right there and I did not like who I was. And that's when I that was one of my first attempts. And then, after I lost some loved ones, that was my second time, because they were my, they were my foundation. But then I realized I was waiting for people to be my foundation when I was my foundation all along.

26:30

But they don't teach us that. They just to believe. They teach us to take care of our family, but they don't teach us how to love ourselves. They don't teach us how to deal with our emotions. They don't teach us to make sure that we come first, because the problem is in our culture that we keep putting everybody else first. We lose ourselves in those relationships and then we're not authentic to ourselves and then we think, oh, if I help them, if I get this out of the way, then they'll be taking care of them. Well, guess what? You're still neglecting yourself and you're emptying your own cup when your cup was already empty. So now you're running on fields.

27:01 - Damaris (Guest)

No, you can't love yourself, then how are you capable of loving anyone else, how are you capable of being fully present with anyone else if you're not even fully present with yourself? I think for me, and and I've said this in other episodes growing up I've always had some level of introspection where I'm always asking myself why do I feel this way? And I keep asking the why, and I peel back and I'm like oh, it's really this that's bothering me. But in the last five, six years, I've done it even more so where it's like oh, that, okay, this is where I need to set this boundary, like I can't do this.

27:38

And I'll say I've been good about putting myself first in general, because I just look, I like rest at what I've. I've gone through a, especially when I was working corporate, this whole idea of like, constantly running and doing, and I was against something else. You called out, you called me out on you're like, you're always doing, and so I always had a level of like I want to say like, like energy around me, of like you know, because I always felt like I wasn't doing enough, even though I was constantly doing.

28:12 - Nachi (Host)

Again the culture.

28:14 - Damaris (Guest)

Yes, yes, you do it. If I got you know, if like, if you like, if you're not up before, like, like, why are you lazy?

28:34 - Nachi (Host)

I'm like what?

28:35 - Damaris (Guest)

Why can't we have any guests coming today? It's just crazy, you know it, but it's putting yourself first, and that to your point. We don't put ourselves first, especially in this culture.

28:52 - Nachi (Host)

Yep.

28:53 - Damaris (Guest)

And it's like your selfish if you do, but it's like, no, I'm so full and that's why I'm at right now, I'm like in my company, for I can't give you.

29:02 - Vida (Host)

I can only give you a flow's over that part that part and I understand why we, why in our culture we were like that. But I keep telling people you have to dig deeper, think about why your family, your parents, your grandparents, your, your, your ancestors did this. Because back in the day, we were a communal environment. Yeah, we had to make sure that the whole community survived the next season. That was what we're supposed to do. But then, when, when, when we started walking and more individualistic places and become and we started becoming democratic or communist spaces right, depending which country we come from our power got taken away. Our power got taken away by the people in power who say they for the people, by the way, and then the people who took our power away, we felt helpless. Our mothers and our fathers, well, see, you know, I think we're for sake. I know why I have for that. In my case, that's where that started, because our families lost their power from the people in power, the people that were supposed to represent the well-being of our communities, our culture, our tradition, our lineage. So our power got taken away. So now we dominate the ones we can the wife, the mother because even children do this shit to their mothers the mother, the children, the grandparents, when they get old and feeble and they can't really fight for themselves. And guess what that is, narcissistic, sociopathic tendencies.

30:38

But the thing is, the whole point about this program was never to be like oh, I'm going to call you out. It's like how can we take this energy that you don't like about yourself and transform it into something you can accept about yourself? Why does it have to be bad? Why is your dark side, why is your shadow so bad? It's not bad, it's just misunderstood. Why can't you have negative feelings? Why can't you have negative thoughts? Who told you this lie? Let me tell you something I have, as many years I've been praying because I be praying and meditating every day as many years have I been praying? I have never heard the Creator, never heard a guardian angel, an archangel, a guacqueco, whoever I connect to, I have never heard them say to me never in my life. You got to be positive. Why are you so negative? Never, never. Let me tell you something Positivity and negativity is a human construct.

31:30

It's never been about positive or negative. It's about what did you learn? And that is literally. That is literally the lesson in the evolution of life. And if you didn't get it, guess what happens. You get to do it again, but then people don't like that and then guess but check this out. I'm going to break this down real quick. But we've been failing our entire lives and people are so scared of failure. But we've been failing our entire lives and people don't understand. Failure is the prerequisite for success. Let me ask you a question Did y'all learn how to walk the first time?

32:00 - Damaris (Guest)

Absolutely. I came out of the room. I know other people can't do that.

32:12 - Vida (Host)

Let's take you out of the equation. You're one of a kind. I'm going to get you on a better one. Did you learn how to do your hair on your own the first time? Did you learn how to do your makeup by yourself the first time? No, did you learn how to put a bra on by yourself the first time? Oh, I know we all have like hair, right.

32:31 - Damaris (Guest)

No, we're both, we're both struggling.

32:34 - Vida (Host)

So basically, you were failing and you kept failing until you became a success at it. So why is it so hard for people to be successful? It's not that hard, right? The problem is we don't like the failure, because that means we have to keep learning until we become a success. Yeah, what's that saying? It's not that hard, but it's said a lot. So I'm going to say practice makes perfect.

32:55 - Nachi (Host)

Right yeah.

32:56 - Vida (Host)

We've been failing. We've been failing from the time we learned how to walk, but we didn't know, you wouldn't even know, how to say the words right.

33:04

Right Like oh, leche no, mi hijo, leche, leche, no. We get corrected and we get taught until we learn Right. So but we don't say look, I say this all the time, my client's laughing at me. I say this during love. They saw, you don't learn how to walk the first time. You did not learn, you didn't take oh, I'm walking, no, you fell down and you fell on your ass and nobody in the room was like oh my God, that baby is such a goddamn failure.

33:30 - Nachi (Host)

No, one says that shit.

33:33 - Vida (Host)

What do they say? Oh, the baby is learning. So why is it that children and babies can get the benefit of learning what we as adults can? Because people think that once we stop going to school, that we stop learning. No, we do not. No, we do not. We continue to evolve, we continue to learn, we continue to grow. Right, so that's the part of love that's up. With love that's up, you are learning about yourself with no filter. You actually get to see what you like and what you don't like. Like you know what. I really didn't want to do this shit for my kids and my husband. Okay, then why are you doing it all? Because who, if I don't do it, who they will, they'll figure it out, they'll figure it out.

34:04

It's called Google. Right, they like this. Anyway, I think my mother has three iPads and two phones. What is that about Like? No, this is the old part of my way. I'm gonna be strong like, and I love her for it because you know what. But again, if you can go, you can google office, right, they'll figure it out. Because if you keep serving from an empty cup, you will end up sick, and I'm talking about physical Hookness. You will drive yourself to the point of some type of illness, sickness or disease, whether it's mental, emotional or physical. And let me, I'm, and I put the icing on the cake, and it can actually be Financial, oh, and I know many people are cold kid.

34:48

See a bagando for this by you round off one little. You round off. I mean, why, what? Could you sign it up and do something? Why, what? What you have to, why you have to take care of everybody.

34:59 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yeah, you need to learn.

35:01 - Vida (Host)

Yeah, the whole program of love myself. It's not about Taking you apart. It's about building up and learning who you really are, what you like and what you don't like, not what you were taught, not what you were trained now, what you conditioned to do. And when people find out who they are and that usually happens between the fifth and sixth week On the program that I, oh my god, and some people see changes within a week just by some tips that I get them are like yo do this and do this, and they're like, oh, and they get it, and then now they don't want to settle for less right, they shouldn't.

35:33 - Damaris (Guest)

They should expect the best.

35:35 - Vida (Host)

They should be because I agree for remember. Yeah, we're still connected to a family, your community. I still thinks this way and a society. Girl don't even start. I know patriarchal call nice aside. Okay, let me start.

35:49

I hate colonization like a man. Listen, right, you can appreciate they don't got appropriate. But oh, again, that's neither here nor there. But even when it comes to love this patriarchal call nice society. As black and brown Latina Women we get paid the less we get treated like crap. Yeah, we get put down all all over the internet. We are never good enough and even off, men Attacking our own kind drag us through the most. Yes, and then we wonder why we don't have a stable community, right, and then we have to find outsiders who are allies, who can lift us up, because sometimes the allies are giving us more support than our own bloodline right.

36:34

I've had the biggest supporters would love that self. They were not even my own.

36:40 - Damaris (Guest)

Not all skin folk. I can folk.

36:43 - Vida (Host)

Yo all day, every day. My mother has been the only one who supports me 1000%, even though she doesn't like it, and the beautiful thing is that my mother as between 70 and 79, like I said before we started, she's finally learning about herself and I'm so proud of her because it was so hard for her to understand that we're not saying things to you because we don't like you. We're saying it because you love you and we know deserve better. She deserves peace and peace is love, but love is loving yourself, flaws and all and that part. You gotta look, like I said, the way we look.

37:23 - Nachi (Host)

How do I care?

37:24 - Damaris (Guest)

about what people think about you and you as you, we say it's not your business what other people think about you.

37:32 - Vida (Host)

They don't pay me. No, they're not paying me, they're opinions. It's not paying my bills, they're the pinions not paying your bills.

37:37

No, they're gonna be. Not what I've learned in this life People gonna talk about you when you're doing good, so you might as well do whatever you want, because they go talk about you no matter what, especially those who don't want to deal with themselves. They willing to talk all this crap about everybody else, including you, but they won't face themselves. That's that's a problem. That is a problem. And love thyself is not about putting people down, but it's about your realization and embracing your shadow, embracing your darkness and Integrating it, because you cannot get to the light without the dark. Think about it. We were created in the womb, in darkness, to get to the light, and people are so afraid like noise. I work at stuffy feces shadow work. I'm like. The shadow work gets you to the light, though, right.

38:20 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

38:21 - Vida (Host)

Like again. That's your realization, that is your.

38:24 - Damaris (Guest)

You get catapulted, and sometimes we don't like getting catapulted no, because you have to be accountable, because what ends up happening is that you're then you. You're forced to realize that it's been you that's been holding you back, that it's you that's stopping you from being your best. And that is a hard truth and and it's one that, like it's not easy to accept that I, I'm exhausted and not she knows. It's like when we have, like, certain friends and they just keep doing the same thing over. I've already told them like I'm tapping out now she does not, she has.

39:02

She is much more easier, she's much more diplomatic with certain folks about how to deliver certain messages, and I'm just like I don't understand Shit, don't make sense. You looking stupid now, but that's not always going to be received. Well, right, and I get that, and I'm like so I have to tap out because that's my boundary, and I'm like y'all going to drive me crazy and I'm not here for it and so, but a lot of it's repeated because it's like that's you doing, you're choosing. So you don't understand it, right.

39:36 - Vida (Host)

So you and I, you can say that like I love you, but I don't like your behavior. You keep doing the same thing. Oh, and I do, and that's why.

39:42 - Damaris (Guest)

I just be like, I'm like you know.

39:44 - Nachi (Host)

No, even now. We were talking about a friend of ours and she was just like I cannot. When I speak to her, I'm going to tell her about herself and I said to my wife I don't know if she's going to receive what you're saying and the way you're saying it- I know it Not to get, but she was just like well, you know what? I'm not going to even speak to her, I'm just I'm going to step back.

40:08 - Vida (Host)

That part, yeah, yeah.

40:09 - Nachi (Host)

I'm going to step back and let the let it fall where fall.

40:14 - Damaris (Guest)

I was like, if the creator inspires her to reach out to me, then that means that I'm going to just be me and I'm going to share what I want to share. But if she doesn't reach out to me, that's OK. I'm not going to tell her what I think, because I'm also not that type, but I'm just going to not filter what I think. If you ask, me. No, of course not, and so I'm like why? Something about you ain't clicking, so let me help click that for you.

40:39 - Vida (Host)

Honey, it's called toxic, but it's called no, I can't say it Narcissism, like that's what it is. Like, come on, that's what it is. When you don't think anything's wrong, you think everybody else is wrong but you, but you, yeah, narcissism, no, no, no, no, no. I get it, but you know what you don't got to answer. The beautiful thing is why are you entertaining it?

40:57 - Damaris (Guest)

No, and you're right, but I don't Look, let's call.

40:59 - Vida (Host)

Rita, do not disturb, it's called the trick, but, matter of fact, I'm going to make it better. It's called black and real life, right.

41:07 - Nachi (Host)

No, no, but Rita, you're right.

41:09 - Vida (Host)

Come up like oh, I haven't spoken to the Marys, and then Nachi says well, I don't know, is there something that happened? You could play the game at all you want and be like you know what. Maybe you need to reach out to my sister. I've tried, but you tried. Try harder, right? Because let me tell you something no, you have to put that boundary up too. You have to try harder, Because if you keep giving that same person constant attention, love, encouragement and the sacrifice of your time and energy, come on, no, no, no. Now, come on, we grow in here, we grow. Come on, we grow, we grow in here. We're not 10. We're not 10. We're not 10. We're not 10. We're not even 15. Like we grow, we grow in ass.

41:51

Adults, and you still doing the same shit and expecting no one to call you out. Then, miha, you got a problem. And if you're that delusional, then stay in that world Doesn't mean you've got to be a part of it. You don't got to spend that time, and that's something that I teach as well during love and myself. Again, we talk about relationships, we talk about forgiveness, we talk about your emotions, we talk about fear, we talk about imposter syndrome. Oh, that's a big stuff. We love that stuff. We break oh, we break down money issues, we break down the way you think about yourself, we break down everything. And those 12 weeks, those are tailored to you. That's why it's a one-to-one program. It's not a they can never be a group program for love and myself, because love and myself is literally one-to-one and it's an investment. And people are like, oh, I can't afford it. I said but you can afford the new iPhone, you can afford the new iPhone.

42:35 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, if you really want it, you'll find a way. Because you find a way to get anything else that vacation, that new car, that whatever. You make, you find a way to do it, and I say this and I say this every time.

42:49 - Vida (Host)

I said oh, let me ask you a question. I said if your child or your partner, you knew that they would benefit from this program, would you not make it happen for them? But of course I said well, why won't you make it happen for yourself? You have to be the most important person in your life, because if you cannot love yourself at 1,000%, how do you expect anybody else to love you at that same capacity? It starts with you. You are the example, you are the energy that you want to carry in this world. If you don't vibrate at that specific energy, nothing else is going to match that energy. Now, you could be up here or you could be down here, it don't matter. But if you want people to connect with you on an energetic and true, compassionate, understanding and cohesive because that's the word cohesive environment, then they have to meet you at that same level. But if you're not giving yourself that love, how do you expect anybody to see you in that love? If you're not, if you can't think that you're smart enough, how do you expect anybody else to believe that you're smart enough? That's the conversation I have with my kids all the time, like oh, but so and so thinks that Let them think what they want, as long as you know the truth about yourself, and guess what your energy, your light, your vibration, your frequency is going to emit in places where they cannot Right, and that's love thyself. Love thyself is literally embracing that shadow aspect, that darkness of you, and alchemizing it, turning into something great. What is an alchemist? An alchemist is a person who turns base metal into gold or silver I don't care what flavor you like, but we can get that negative energy and we can transform it into something beautiful. But you have to be willing to do the work and show up for yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you Nobody, that's true. That's the hardest part for some of my people, and I have had people.

44:35

I have a broadcast channel on Instagram it's called the Pineapple Gang of People and I literally put up a poll up. It's funny how you bring this up. I put up a poll yesterday who's done love thyself? And either? The poll was I've done it and I'm doing great. I know about it, but I'm scared. I don't know what love thyself is. Right, I had so many people say I know about it, but I'm scared. Why are you scared about yourself? Why are you scared about yourself? Because, honey, you know everything you did, whether you want to admit it or not, right, right. And you're still here and you're still living and you're still breathing and you're still doing for other people. What is it going to take for people to understand that, when you accept yourself flaws and all that's, when the universe starts calibrating in a different vibration, people think that they have to be so good for the universe to open the doors. And I always tell people you do your best and let the universe take care of the rest.

45:30 - Damaris (Guest)

And it's actually quite liberating when you actually just accept and you ask yourself the questions of the why. Why do I feel this way and realize what it is that you're doing. It's liberating because then you know how to address it, right? You know, it's just like oh OK, it's just me shifting my mindset on this and not to trivialize it, but it's that simple though you know what I mean. It's like it really doesn't have to be complicated.

45:59

It's only complicated because you're told that it should be more complex Like this is how your life should be, according to who, why, I'm not happy this way. I'm like yeah.

46:15 - Vida (Host)

Humans always push their ethics, their morals, their religion, their politics, even their opinions on how you should be living, but I've never heard spirit or an ancestor, my creator or any other element that I work with tell me that I'm not doing good enough. They always tell me to keep going. It doesn't matter that's positive or negative, guess what. Positivity and negativity are human constructs.

46:33 - Damaris (Guest)

Right.

46:35 - Vida (Host)

Time is a human construct. Ok, ok, I tell people all the time, like once. The last time I say this is the most loving way, they're just looking at me like I'm crazy. Once last time you heard God say you ain't shit. Like once last time you heard that you never had Not never.

46:51 - Damaris (Guest)

You never had. You never had.

46:53 - Vida (Host)

You say that to yourself. You say it all the time. Humans do it all the time. So now you think, because we're humans, that when it comes to loving yourself, that you got to be a specific way. I am messy. I am so messy when it comes to love myself, oh my gosh. And there's still days I slip into, like, mommyhood Like, and then I'm like oh, what are they? These are grown-ass kids. Guess what? I don't cook in this house, not like I used to, not every day morning to Friday. Oh, no, no, no. There's five people in this house. I'm one of the five. All y'all is grown, all y'all can fix it. Mira ati la ni atala Dama ki chigi ita ati Mira, everybody in this. Guess what? Wanna? Why? Because when I do things for y'all every day, I get burnt out. So we all share the responsibility. It's more balanced on an even playing field and we all can get what we need. Last night perfect example I had Aaron's to run. My youngest says put it in our family chat I'm cooking tonight, okay, perfect.

47:56 - Damaris (Guest)

I love it.

47:57 - Vida (Host)

Thank you Lord. Thank you, jesus. That's what I like for you here. The other day my son did it, the day before that, my stepson. The other day, my husband and I cooked, maybe like five days ago, because I had everybody at my house, but at Daria everybody ate. Like you know what I'm saying, right, still Like, why can't you share the responsibility? Why can't the cohesiveness of you being yourself actually voice? Like you know what? I don't have it in me to cook tonight.

48:22 - Damaris (Guest)

You're broken generational curse right there. No, where it's like the expectation that the woman of the house is doing all of this, you're feeding everybody you're doing X, y, z.

48:31 - Vida (Host)

Get me started about that, don't get me out.

48:33 - Nachi (Host)

I passed the stop too, cause it was like it's four of us here and I'm the only one who tip of the chucks and I'm like I can't do I can't cook every single night. I was like, okay, I'll cook three times a week, that's my limit. I'm like three times a week, y'all figure out what you're going to eat, you know, cause I have a 13 and a 15 year old.

48:54 - Vida (Host)

They know how to fix their meal.

48:59 - Nachi (Host)

I only have to worry about mommy, and she's good with anything I get for, so yeah, it's just like it's about not following that same same pattern. You know, you know, mommy growing up. I swear to you, I'm going to tell you right now. Mommy used to cook every single day. She worked full time. Come home had made a meal. There was no. Oh, let me read no, that's over Nothing.

49:28 - Damaris (Guest)

And no like frozen dinners. No frozen dinner.

49:31 - Nachi (Host)

It's just like a whole ass meal Every day, and then she used to do all of our laundry till we were adults.

49:38 - Damaris (Guest)

Wait a minute. And you forgot she also packed Papi's lunch cause he worked two jobs so she would pack his lunch so he would take it to work the next day.

49:45 - Nachi (Host)

God bless her, god bless her, god bless her, she will be the one cleaning the house and get on us because we didn't get up early in the morning.

49:52 - Damaris (Guest)

But that's why she would resent us when we would wake up late on a Saturday morning, like I'll feast you on this. Like, yeah, chill lady. Like the dust ain't going nowhere, we're going to vacuum, it's still going to be there. Nobody's coming over today, right?

50:04 - Vida (Host)

But she better does. You know what loving yourself is? It's saying no. Loving yourself is saying no, saying no to them and yes to you. You know what? Let me tell you something All of our children we have a blended family All of the children learn how to do their laundry at 11 years old. No, no, no, no, no, no. You want to know why? Because if I have to smell those hormones, no tanking, because you know, you know, pre-seeing hormones is a thing. Oh yeah, oh yeah. 11 years old, all of my children learn how to do their laundry by 15,. All of them knew how to clean the bathrooms.

50:38

Ok, I'm not cleaning now Hallelujah I eat that, so and guess what, and in this house. So back in the day when we first started, me and my husband, one day, one day, he did it one time and never did it again. One day he came home and said y la comida.

51:01 - Nachi (Host)

La comida.

51:03 - Vida (Host)

I said y dónde, carajo, tú piensa que estoy haciendo todo el día? Right, I'm like what do you think of me doing? I work too. Just because I work from home doesn't mean I'm not working, Right, Right. So one day we had a long conversation. I said you want me to be pretty prim and proper and ready to get together with you and share our love. And the doler said did you ever think that you have me doing all these things, or you're expecting me to do all these things and I have no energy for you? I said maybe if you picked up a broom and mop, you might get some.

51:36 - Nachi (Host)

OK.

51:37 - Vida (Host)

And guess what? To this day, this man mocks and cleans every place we've ever lived in and vacuums. He went away because he understands now that the burden that I've carried isn't the burden that we should be traditionally showing our children Right, we don't want our daughters to do it, we don't want our daughters doing them Right, right and we don't want our sons expecting that either. So everybody has a job in this house, everybody, from the little one to the old one. They all have a job. And keeping my husband, if we work together, if we work together, then it's less stress for everybody.

52:12

But if you expect just one person to do everything, then the foundation is already crumbling. Because even in a foundation, when you have a foundation of a house, you have the studs, you have the studs and you have your wood. But guess what, if all this pressure is on one stud, the rest of the house starts getting off-center Right. And then you wonder why the women in our family are always bitter, because I'm going to say that, yeah, they're always angry. And think about it. They're always angry about something. Yes, it doesn't have to be the same thing, but it's always something. Oh, how are you, mommy? How are you feeling I'm so yank. I was like in the next five minutes I was like you know what, but I don't know what. I see I'm like. I'm like you can just say you're OK.

53:00 - Damaris (Guest)

And our mother and the Thia's in our family. They would have a resting bitch face. And I'm like yeah, it's just like but they're happy, they get happy.

53:10 - Vida (Host)

I'm like, ok, I guess I like to hear oh, I'm happy if you's happy. What I used to think? That too, I'm happy if they're happy. But all my family was happy, but I wasn't. So I started resenting them and that's when I knew there was a problem. When you start resenting your family, hate is coming behind that. Hate is coming behind that Because they're living the life, because you gave it to them, because you allowed it.

53:39

But I keep telling people eto sigue, this keeps happening because you keep allowing the behavior. And that's why I always tell people my job is to teach people. Not that I do it, no, no, I'm just a reflection of what you can do for yourself. I'm the mirror. My job is to teach people how to turn your generational curses into generational blessing. Why can't we pass that down? Praise God. Why can't we pass that down Like hello? By the time you're 10, you're smart enough to run a smartphone, you can run some dishes, some laundry, learn how to clean a window, learn how to sweep mop and enjoy your 있獠. That moment, I repeat, this one tells me that I'm stressful. My best is that my big auntie and it was at school, going to the school In when I went out to school. There are some things that they taught me that are beautiful. Don't get it twisted.

54:51 - Damaris (Guest)

Yes, yes.

54:52 - Vida (Host)

They taught me. They taught me so much love. They taught me so much love of family. They taught me so much love of communication. They taught me because, even though we didn't communicate correctly, but we did communicate. They taught me so much love of our culture, of our music, of our food, of our traditions. They did teach you that. They taught me how to be responsible. They taught me how to be dependable. They taught me how to be proud.

55:15

You know, they taught me so many things, but there were so many, there were so many things hidden behind that that they were ashamed of that's what I didn't like. So when I got to a point in my life that I was ashamed, that I had thoughts of not waking up or like you know what, let me just try to take myself out, because my kids can't see that Right, I thought I was doing the benefit. Mind you, I would have ended up hurting them way more if I would have given up back then, absolutely. And that's love. That's love. That's loving yourself, is falling in love with yourself, flaws and all because your flaws are not flaws, they're just lessons.

55:55

You just never realized yet, right?

55:57 - Damaris (Guest)

How do you foster that? How do you foster that? How to love yourself?

56:03 - Vida (Host)

You start by saying no to everybody else, like I said no to everybody else and yes to you like. Say yes to you like si algo te te, you know something te pica, like, oh, like you know what I want to try Pilates. And then you tell something oh, I said Pilates que, pilates que has a mieda, like right. First of all, why do you tell? That's the point thing. In our culture, we talk too much. Shut your mouth, that is. That is you're calling. You see, te pico, pilates, pilates, patina yama.

56:36 - Damaris (Guest)

Right.

56:37 - Vida (Host)

So you go tell so and so and because they don't know how to stretch a goddamn leg, they're gonna hate on your ass. Because you want to stretch your damn legs and Pilates, they're like that's crazy. I don't know why you doing Pilates, pilates, it's sons of Pilates for white people. First of all, all that stretching started from us. Let's get it correct, because I just came from Ghana and saw all the things Right right right.

56:56

Well, motherland originated, all Okay, so that's a discussion for another day, that's what you're telling people things that have been dropped in your spirit and because they don't understand it, they make you think and doubt your calling. But if it was a calling for everybody, it'd be called a conference call. This is a conference call.

57:19 - Damaris (Guest)

So keep your lungs shut. It's not a conference call.

57:22 - Vida (Host)

Yes, we got Ibaa, pika and Tripolates. And guess what, if you tried Pilates and you didn't like it, you checked it out. And that's the thing that I don't understand about our culture. We get these amazing ideas, we get these impressions, we get these innovations and we tell somebody and because we got dumbass number one and dumbass number two and nine times up to 10, it's our own blood yeah Telling us they don't like it or they don't understand it. I don't understand yeah.

57:48

They make us doubt our intuition where this information came from. It came from the crown, from the source. Whether you believe in science, whether you believe in spirituality, it came from some source, some innovation that could make you complete or make you feel content with your life or help you deal with situations in your life. You tell so-and-so and because they don't like it, you're not going to do it. Right, we've all done it, we've all been involved about that.

58:13 - Nachi (Host)

Absolutely.

58:14 - Vida (Host)

So now I keep my mouth shut and I just do it. And my husband's like when do you do that? And I was told to do it, yeah. And he just he don't question me no more, like oh, I got this. He's like OK, like he understands, like, and I tell him to listen to your intuition. I had to teach my husband to listen to his intuition because, again, he was trained, taught in condition to provide for his family and not speak about it.

58:35 - Nachi (Host)

So I'm like we can't do that.

58:37 - Vida (Host)

I need communication here. Yeah, yeah, Well, like again, that's a cultural thing For the men in our culture. You don't talk about your emotions to me.

58:45 - Damaris (Guest)

No, you talk. Yeah, no, it's interesting because when we started the podcast in season one, you know, I shared with you that we had topics about boundaries, dealing with grief and being a caregiver, all types of things and one of my cousins male cousin he reached out to me and he's like I'm so grateful that you guys are talking about these topics because I never even realized, like how I'm just not in touch with my like, not in touch with my feelings and being vulnerable and I appreciate you guys creating a space to be able to do that. And I'm like, oh my goodness, like yeah, you know, I want and that's even the calling to do this podcast. It just came to me and literally it was like two people. They just happened to say in different occasions, like you should have your own podcast. I was like, oh my God, I think I should. Apparently, all I need is two people to tell me to do something and I'm doing it. But I was like that's the creative teller.

59:43

And then, and honestly, the only person that I could think of doing this with was my sister. She knows me in a way that on a soul level, like I call her, she's my soul sister and she's my sister, sister on this plane. But I know like she knew me since I was in the womb, the womb that she and I had been in. So for me I was like, okay, I could do this journey with her. And I remember one time you told me you're like, yeah, you're gonna be into, you're gonna get into some spiritual work. I was like, what? Like making candles, that's what I was thinking in my head.

01:00:13

But this is a way of I'm like, this is a different way. I'm providing, you know what we are providing a platform to allow people to really think about these things that we don't talk about within our communities. Right, and being really transparent about it. And then it's like, well, how do you get there? How do you foster that? And it's like, yeah, you know, even if you're not ready to do the love thyself package with you, you still share a lot of tidbits and tips that like for you, for people to think about and consider. And you know I think about for myself when it comes to how do I foster love for myself and hold space for myself. It's really being mindful about how I speak to myself.

01:00:54 - Vida (Host)

What do?

01:00:54 - Damaris (Guest)

I say to myself, Because I'm talking to myself the most, I'm listening to myself the most right, and it's like doing that and that's how I hold space for myself, and I think you know what you're doing. Ultimately, you're telling people like you know, listen to yourself right and be kind too. And it's an accepting of the fact that we're not meant to be perfect, because, to your point, we're here to learn lessons, life lessons.

01:01:21 - Vida (Host)

Yeah, that part, and again, it's really difficult. You know, it's really difficult to break that stigma, especially in the Korean culture and just in black and brown culture indigenous culture you know, it's just because, again, we've been demonized for so many different reasons. I've even been demonized because I'm too light.

01:01:40 - Damaris (Guest)

Like.

01:01:40 - Vida (Host)

I'm an ally. First of all, we all know I had nothing. I had nothing Like. My son is black. But I know my skin color can get a lot more in this country.

01:01:52 - Damaris (Guest)

There's a privilege that comes with it.

01:01:54 - Vida (Host)

But again, I will stand in front of my son all day, every day. That's right, you know, because I love him, but I had to love myself more to be able to sacrifice my life for his. You see what I'm saying. And so, when it comes to loving yourself, you have to say yes to you and know that everybody else and that's hard because again, you think you're letting people down no, when people come back and clap back or try to give you that guilt trip, it's because they're the ones benefiting, that you don't have a boundary up with them in the first place. Come on now. Like you say no to them because you're tired, because you're mentally tired, or like you don't have it in you to have this conversation, or like, yo, I'm going through something I already told one of my godchildren. Today they text me like, oh, mother, and it texts me and like, and I wrote back, honestly, I don't have the space for this. Yeah, so it reminded them. Like to check in, like, hi, mother, I need some guidance. Do you have space? Like, come on, common courtesy, because guess what, even though you're not paying me, it's still an exchange of energy. Yep, a conversation with your partner, a conversation with your children, a conversation with your parent, a conversation with your colleague, your co-worker, your friend, your ex-colleagues, whatever they were, whatever they are, it's still an exchange of energy. What are you getting out of that? And if it's not serving you, like we were talking about before, if it's not serving you, you cut it off. Yeah, and it's that simple, and let the chips fall where they may. And it doesn't mean you have to have a fight with somebody to stop dealing with them. No, you have to start loving yourself enough, like I don't need to entertain myself with that vibration. Let them raise up to my level and we'll see. If we're in alignment, then Right, they may still be here and you may be here, or you may be here and they may be here. It don't matter. But if you're in alignment, guess what? The time and place will come, or you two can come together and have that conversation. But that also requires loving yourself. And I'm saying loving yourself basically loving yourself is just embracing who you are, good and bad.

01:03:46

And I tell people, the more honest you are with yourself, even in your crap, even in your crap, like you know what, I'm still mad at someone's soul, but I know one day I'll let it go. Guess what? Una puerta se abro. Oh, you know what? I'm still mad at my dad.

01:04:01

Let's say, for example, I had my father pass away. We did not end on good terms. That was the one person, one parent in my life that I still have conflict with. You know what? I'm still mad at you, dad. I know you're gone, but I know you're around me. I'm still mad at you, but one day I'm going to get it right and we're going to work through this. Guess what? I get blessed, even in my mess, because I was authentic. It's never been about oh, I'm positive, like love. No, it's about shadow and pain, because the human existence is about your evolution. And I'm going to say this, I always say this all the time you are a spiritual or an energetic being, however you label that having a human experience, but people forget it is the human experience that raises your energy or your spirituality. That's right. You can't have one without the other.

01:04:48 - Damaris (Guest)

Absolutely.

01:04:49 - Vida (Host)

People are like oh, I want to be so spiritual.

01:04:51 - Damaris (Guest)

You are, you're already there.

01:04:53 - Vida (Host)

Oh, humanity, oh, what's my purpose? I get that question every day. To be human, like what?

01:05:01 - Damaris (Guest)

Like, yeah, you are here on this one yeah because, again, you think an external factor outside of you is what defines you, and it absolutely does not.

01:05:12 - Vida (Host)

They don't care if you're a barista at Starbucks and they don't care if you're the mechanic at JOS and they don't care if you're the server at Red Lobster. They don't care. No, you do whatever you want. They don't care what you do with your life. They care about what are you learning with your life? And I say they as the universe or spirit or creator, whatever you align with. It's all about what are you learning, and if you're not learning it, you've got to do it again. It's just like a test, like test in school. You don't pass the test, you've got to take the lesson again.

01:05:40 - Nachi (Host)

Right, I don't want to take this lesson again. Listen, I'm like I'm trying to learn all the lessons. I'm learning all the lessons. I'm trying to evolve right here, right now.

01:05:51 - Damaris (Guest)

No, no, and it's true. Part of that is being OK with not caring about what other people think about me. At this point I just don't care, and it's worked daily for me to do that, because I have to go against the conditioning of look, you're representing the family. When you go outside, you represent, and that's something that was ingrained.

01:06:13

I'm a black woman I'm. Also, if I'm in a corporate setting, I'm representing all black people, so I got to act this way. Now it's just like I don't care Like either you like me, either you don't. Not my business. I'm going to do what's right for me and this is why I'm so grateful to have had you on this episode, because I feel like we've talked about so many facets of it and they're all, but also not that many. It's just like, ultimately is not that difficult.

01:06:40 - Vida (Host)

Right, it's like putting yourself first. It's not a complex subject.

01:06:43 - Damaris (Guest)

No, no, and that's why it's like there's so many layers to it, but at the same time, it's like but the layer, all it all goes back to the same theme of it's putting yourself first, loving yourself. Things will click into place once that happens, and so I want to take this opportunity to please remind folks where they can find you online, because there's so much that you have to often share, and there's no way we can do all of that in this. In what episode? Because you're bigger than that, honestly. So please let our listeners know where they could find you online.

01:07:16 - Vida (Host)

I appreciate that. I appreciate that compliment. I receive it because I used to be one that you know. We don't take compliments for anything, so thank you for the compliment. I do appreciate that I received that. You can find me on all social media platforms at Readings by Vita. You can find me on Twitter, on Twitch, on TikTok, on Instagram. Look at you on Twitch, OK, yeah. Yeah, my husband put me on to Twitch and I watch his shows because he was DJ. So you know we support the family.

01:07:44 - Damaris (Guest)

So, yeah.

01:07:45 - Vida (Host)

I'm going on Twitch. On YouTube I have the channel is the Almighty Pineapple LLC and my website is the AlmightyPineapplecom or ReadingsByVitacom. You can find me that way too, and I'm here to serve. That's my job, and I do lots of things, I have lots of services, I have lots of products, but the most important job that I have is reminding my community that we need to love ourselves first, and I found I've always been able to do readings but love myself. It has been, has been a baby for me, and she's growing and she's thriving and I am becoming the only reason I keep continuing to do this, because love that stuff is an easy for me either because again.

01:08:33

I have to be that mirror, and sometimes I don't like being that mirror. Yeah, and I am becoming the person that I needed as a child. So not only am I loving the person while they're going through the program, but I'm also honoring and loving my inner child while doing this work with them. So even when someone is doing the work themselves, I'm doing it with you. Another layer of my inner child is getting encouraged.

01:08:56

So, when people take the program, you're not just helping yourself, you're also helping my inner child, because I'm standing up becoming the individual that I never had as a child, and not that I didn't have stability, but what she needed, what little V needed, was it wasn't available, not that people weren't there, but it was just wasn't emotionally available. And that is okay. As an adult, I understand that, fettles, when someone takes this course, I give it my all, I give it everything, and so I stand up and become the mother to myself and the mother to my community and the mother to my children, and expanding so many different facets that I never received at a thousand percent. I had it on specific levels and they did the best that they could and I love them for it.

01:09:41

But I know I needed more, but no one else is responsible for more for me.

01:09:46 - Damaris (Guest)

Yeah, yeah, awesome. Well, my heart is so full from this enlightening conversation with this beautiful human being, vita.

01:09:57 - Vida (Host)

Love you.

01:09:58 - Damaris (Guest)

Thank you.

01:09:58

Love you too, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for being a part of our experience. We are really grateful that we're just in our second season and we continue to get love and support and the fact that you're here willingly to just join a part of this conversation Not you and I truly appreciate it, and so, for those of you out there, I truly hope that all of you can get some nugget of wisdom, insight that'll impact you in the best way. You know, we always say this. There's a lot of noise out there, but our message is consistent Stop getting distracted by the smoke and mirrors, tune out the noise and focus on your purpose in life, what brings you joy in life. We're meant to be joyful, so live that truth and vibrate higher, and always. Thank you for listening. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter, at I'mnotyelling and Discord.