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Living Authentically Episode Transcript

00:08 - Nachi (Host)

Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling! I'm Dominican podcast hosted by Nachi and Damaris.

00:15 - Damaris (Host)

Hey everybody, it's your girl, Damaris, appointed by my husband as a free radical, though not the cancer causing con, and I'm here with the one and only Nachi. And in this episode we're talking about authenticity and being true to oneself. When I think about living authentically, I think of people that move about unapologetically. So when Nachi and I consider this topic for the podcast, we felt that our current guest is a great example of authenticity personified. We are thrilled to have this conversation with a dear friend of mine, an artist extraordinaire, Victor John Villanueva.

00:55 - Nachi (Host)

Hi everybody. Oh my God, such a round of applause.

01:00 - Victor (Guest)

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Good, thank you for having me and I'm very flattered by your introduction.

01:10 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, Well, it's all true. I mean, we've known each other since high school and, like I mentioned with you know, when Nachi and I were talking about this topic, you came to both of our minds and that is because I just truly feel that you've always been yourself for as long as I've known you Now. Have you evolved? Absolutely? We all have right Like we've grown. We're grown-ups now, but at the same time, I hope so.

01:38

Right, we got to pay bills. But you know, like there's always been a common thread with you, and to me that thread has been I know you to be Victor, but I don't even think I did. I didn't even say your full name when I introduced you.

01:55 - Victor (Guest)

You did, you did. Yeah, victor John, you didn't say Madri you didn't say Madri, you didn't know.

02:02 - Nachi (Host)

It's cute, it's cute.

02:04 - Victor (Guest)

I'm Filipino, I have two last names, and then I'm Filipino, I have two first names. We get so confused.

02:09 - Nachi (Host)

Yes, now you've evolved to using all four names.

02:14 - Victor (Guest)

Right, right, I'm like never mind, never mind, it's my stuff. In front of a group of people, I say hello. My name is Victor Juan Madri.

02:23 - Damaris (Host)

I can't.

02:24 - Victor (Guest)

And the panties drop and the panties drop, the panties drop, okay, right.

02:28 - Nachi (Host)

It reminds me of Poppy when he would say his, his long, long ass name.

02:34 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, I wish I could remember it. It was like half the names that he used were made up, and then it was like oh, yeah. Five names were really names that were on his birth certificate. So many names, so many names that I had to control.

02:48 - Victor (Guest)

I can't so many, so many names to the years.

02:50 - Damaris (Host)

I know, I know, but I do want to give you an opportunity to kind of introduce yourself to our listeners. Let them know who you are, what you're about, because we know what you're about and who you are, but let's let them know.

03:05 - Victor (Guest)

Sure. So, like I said, my name is Victor John Madrid. I'm a designer. I am a graphic designer by day. I work in the beauty industry and I design assets, branding assets, packaging for a brand of L'Oreal called it's cosmetics. Work it cosmetics. Okay, all right, I'm also an artist, as Damaris mentioned. I work primarily in a bead medium and I've been doing that kind of work for a long time now. I may be well known for some faces that I've made of different fashion people, different art people, as well as album cover Album covers that I have replicated in the bead medium. What else about me? I'm a Scorpio.

04:13

Yes okay, november I'm a Scorpio November 13th and apparently we're heading into a really good phase in for the Scorpios coming up Like beginning yesterday. Yeah, it's supposed to last like 20 years. We'll see what happens.

04:27 - Nachi (Host)

Really Wait. I need to look into this, yeah.

04:31 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, I'm going to look into this. Susan Miller dropped it yesterday and I am a peacock, I suppose I do like to flourish my plumage in the form of fashion and style.

04:48 - Nachi (Host)

It's very important to me, you have a lot of it.

04:50 - Victor (Guest)

Yes, I have a lot of it I have been paring down, but it is very inspiring for me to play dress up every day. One of my coworkers told me that he described me recently as Halloween. You know, it's Halloween every day with Victor John.

05:09 - Nachi (Host)

Is that Shayne Right? I was about to say what's he trying to be funny or no it?

05:16 - Victor (Guest)

was totally complimentary knowing him it was totally complimentary, but it's, it's fun. I mean, it's, it's it. Is it like to have that sort of flexibility to put on, you know, a different persona per se, like every day, is really fun. I know that that's really confusing, considering we're talking about authenticity, but it's, it's the facets of Victor John.

05:41 - Damaris (Host)

Yes.

05:42 - Victor (Guest)

I mean we'll see.

05:43 - Damaris (Host)

Facet it right Like we're not boring people here, yeah, but actually that's nice kind of segue into the idea of authenticity and and kind of what does it mean to you to be authentic?

05:58 - Victor (Guest)

Hmm, what does it mean to be for me to be authentic? You know that's that's such a complex question and I've been thinking about it in preparation for our chat here, and I think it really comes down to really knowing yourself right and knowing who you are, what you stand for. Obviously you know your belief systems, your worldview. It's so much easier said than than knowing and doing all of that stuff. That takes time and experience. But it's interesting because for me to be authentic, I I guess I'm driven by what makes me happy and maybe that's that's the wellspring of it all. You know, recently I've been saying to a friend to buy, you come into the world alone and you leave alone, right, and that's really dark.

06:58

It can be dark but, you know, it's true.

07:02

And so I guess, like knowing about like that sort of walk that some people will walk solidarily, just I don't know, I think it does something about emphasizing or enhancing my convictions of who I am and what, what it is that, that that I, that I stand for, what I do, how I see the world. But it all comes from that. I suppose it all comes from like knowing myself. And another interesting part is, and something that I'm dealing with or realizing now at this point in my life, is really how I'm perceived in the world and how people view me and what they, what they expect from me, and kind of negotiating between how I perceive myself, how they perceive me, and what is the real me. What is, you know, what is, what is the real motivation there?

08:02 - Nachi (Host)

Has that been some? Has that been easy for you always? Because I think about, you know, growing up with immigrant parents. They have this expectation of their children and those expectations we try to live up to, which may not always align with who we truly are and what we really want to be and do, and so I know that has always been a challenge when I was younger. Of course, as I got older, those you know that, that that whole feeling of living for your parents, you know, start to change a little bit and you start to really live your authentic self. Has that always been easy for you, or did you have that same struggle when you were younger?

08:53 - Victor (Guest)

I'm thinking about it and my gut reaction is to say that it's always been easy for me.

08:59 - Nachi (Host)

And that's it. Look well, some people is easy and that's fine.

09:02 - Victor (Guest)

Yes, I don't know if that is really true, but now, at this point, as a 45 year old man, I'm inclined to say that I used to say that I was raised by wolves, no shade, and therefore, like my parents also. You know, I'm also a first generation Filipino American and my experience compared to a lot of other people in that same you know, bucket there being Filipino American, asian American, what have you? Immigrant, you know, parents comes with that baggage of what the expectation was. No, I told them straight up, off the bat. I told them straight up that I was going to he's like hello, we're not doing this at all.

09:56

At all.

09:57 - Nachi (Host)

No.

09:58 - Victor (Guest)

My father was like oh yeah, you can do this, you can go after this, you can go after this, you can go learn the computer.

10:02 - Nachi (Host)

I was like no, I'm going to do me, I'm going to do what I feel right is right for me.

10:09 - Victor (Guest)

I love it, and if not, I mean they would have had me. You know, I don't know what they would have had me doing.

10:15 - Nachi (Host)

to be honest, I think we're like being a doctor. It is not technical school.

10:22 - Victor (Guest)

No, they would have. Like I feel like they didn't have real grandiose plans for me. It's so interesting. The next time I talk to my dad, I'm going to, I'm going to ask him because this is now really inspiring me to ask my dad, what did you, what did you want me to do besides breed? Right, which I told him again, which I told him again straight up. I'm not interested in that. I'm gay and I'm not.

10:47 - Damaris (Host)

I'm going to have a breath.

10:48 - Victor (Guest)

Breathe. No, you mean the breath.

10:50 - Damaris (Host)

He's like I went grand.

10:54 - Nachi (Host)

B-E-E-E-B-R-E-E-D.

10:57 - Victor (Guest)

You said I'm not going to. That was the. That was the one very clear expectation that my parents had of me had had for me, at least on my dad's side was that I was going to procreate and like. I had no baggage of like, oh, I've got to be a lawyer, or I got to be a doctor, or I got to be a vet, whatever. But it was more like oh, you got to be a dad.

11:16 - Nachi (Host)

I was like oh no, I'm good, yeah, yeah, like I love my life too much.

11:22 - Damaris (Host)

I love my freedom too much. My freedom, my life my money.

11:25 - Nachi (Host)

I love it all too much, not just not, she speaks from experience. I have two of my own.

11:35 - Victor (Guest)

I love children. I mean, I was just with my nephew yesterday. We went to go see the Lion King on Broadway. It was amazing.

11:42 - Nachi (Host)

But you know, I don't feel that I try to be the.

11:47 - Victor (Guest)

I try to be the. Be the fun uncle, fun day uncle. Yeah, I try. But you know, I also know that Like part of being an uncle or an elder, or you know, seeing my, my nephew, is about like just teaching them as well. So sometimes that's not the best, that's not the funnest part, but I take that seriously. But no, I love that question because I do think that I've always had a kind of like rebellious spirit. In essence, I feel like I'm punk and so in essence I feel like my knee jerk reaction is to go against the grain and so I mean I do my best when people challenge me. If you're going to challenge me, then it's on right, and I don't think that that's unique to me. But, um, yeah, I think that, like I, I I've been carving out my own way from early on.

12:39 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, I think the fact that you have been able to be true to yourself, in this sense of not having that struggle of living up to your parents and whatever perceptions they have of you and expectations, that is something that I would say that my childhood I didn't have. Like Nachi, I felt that, okay, I can't really be a hundred percent myself because I also representing Franco Rafaela, you know it's like okay, yeah, it's a neighbor in mind.

13:12 - Nachi (Host)

That's all the time.

13:14 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, like you know, the neighbors Lovesino, and it's like all right, um, yes, I'll be proper, I'll be good, I'll get good grades, because you know the neighbors and family are going to talk and so that's, that was just part of my adolescence, and then I'd say, like in my twenties and thirties, that it's like society's expectations on me that I then started to.

13:38

So you know that I started to absorb and feel like, okay, yes, when I'm in the office, I need to be a certain way, because I'm now representing the entire race of black people, I'm representing women, you know. It's just like this, because if I, you know, I'm an officer at this company and I'm like the one of a handful of black women as an officer, I have to be a certain way in that, you know, because I'm representing my peoples, and that that was kind of the pressure that I felt and I'd say probably, and I think I mean, yes, I was a authentic in general, like I mean, you've known me for decades now, so I would hope that you would think that I've been authentic.

14:24 - Victor (Guest)

But oh you're. You're similarly one of the most authentic people I know. Thank you. That's why that's why we do this, I know. I know. That's why we're people no.

14:34 - Damaris (Host)

And I would say that probably in the last four years I now have just really gotten to the point where I just don't give a fuck what people think about me anymore. Whereas in the past I cared about people's opinions and their perceptions of me, now I don't care. And really the tipping point yeah, the tipping point for me was my father's passing, because at that point it's like but that kind of loss you can't.

15:00

you can't even place a chink in my armor. If you don't like me, I don't care, that's what you call me.

15:07 - Nachi (Host)

I shut up. I'm so done with you.

15:14 - Damaris (Host)

I'm not even going to repeat it, but I realize it's just not my business what other people think of me, period. It's their greatness and their privilege. So I think it's awesome that that is something that you didn't really have to struggle with, especially coming from a first generation family of immigrants. And then, on top of that, being gay, and you're just like no, this is me. You embraced it and you've always been that way. You were never the one that, as I said, oh, I wasn't sure. In high school, you were sure.

15:50 - Victor (Guest)

I was sure. I was sure. It's interesting that you bring that part up because earlier, when Nachi asked about my parents' expectations, specifically maybe around career or how I was going to support myself, that was very clear to me and I let them know straight up that my path is my path and whatever you choose for me is not. That's not, that's out.

16:13

Thank you for that, but I have to dig deep for myself Now in regards to being a gay man, I'm not going to say that people's opinions didn't affect me as a young person, because that's just the way it is. Your ego is at a certain point, at a certain age and you have to build up a certain thick skin so depending. But I remember the days when I used to flip out over little things regarding people, their reactions to my being gay or whatever, so that definitely took time to become emboldened in that respect and really stand on my own two feet for that. That said, yes, being a gold star gay was always something that I wanted to preserve. And do you know what that is? A gold star gay Someone?

17:13 - Damaris (Host)

who's proud to be gay.

17:16 - Victor (Guest)

No, it's somebody that's never been with a woman.

17:19 - Nachi (Host)

Oh Well, that's.

17:20 - Victor (Guest)

Gold star yeah, look at you, I'm learning something new. It is.

17:24 - Nachi (Host)

Learning something new.

17:25 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, yeah, they're called gold star gays and for me it was in the 90s, when we went to high school. There was this whole thing buy now gay later, right, Thought as it was, and it was like that was the whole thing. It was like aha, yeah, they're bi, or for now.

17:44 - Damaris (Host)

Right.

17:45 - Victor (Guest)

Right when I fit on the Kinsey scale and I feel like I'm very and I know that you and I have joked about this recently. Actually it's embarrassed, but like I'm pretty, I'm pretty exclusively, I'm exclusively homosexual, but like when I you know, I guess I never had that. There was never that Desire, desire, yeah, yeah. And so therefore, it was very clear for me. Now, if people were, if for my friends who were bi, and but people who are bi, it's like it's not as clear for them, sure, but for me it was very clear. And so when I when because I had that clarity, I was just very I stuck to it, right, right.

18:33 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, no, that's fair. How do you feel right now with you know this idea of authenticity and how does it play into your life and your career as an artist? It seems to be you kind of touched upon, a little bit like in your office. This guy says he loves that. You know the kind of, you know the, your aura. What you bring to the table there he enjoys because you bring, you know, halloween, whatever the fuck that means.

18:59 - Nachi (Host)

But no, no, no, no no, but you know.

19:04 - Damaris (Host)

can you elaborate a little bit more about how this all plays into your present day life and your career?

19:09 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, you know what it's been. It's been an advantage for me, to be honest. It's been an advantage to just speak my mind, present myself how I choose to present myself, voice my opinions and get the reception that I've gotten from my company which has been nothing but positive, is it's, it's almost pushed me further to be, you know, another, more authentic version of myself, like to really dig deep again and and say the things and do the things that I want to do, because I know that it's going to be not only respected but also sort of encouraged. I'm fortunate to work in an environment where we do talk a lot about authenticity and and being yourself at work, and that is definitely something that is encouraged. So I take it, I take it seriously when I, when I am at work, whether I'm working from home and I'm conducting you know I'm on a meeting and themes I'm I'm always kind of like, I'm almost maybe more there.

20:34

I like you know I will talk a lot, I will, I will show up a lot. You know there's there's this camera phobia and this always like, turn it on, say what I'm going to say. You know with, and, and part of the inspiration for that is that I feel like that that opens doors for others and that's really what I want to do, like if Victor John can get away with the shenanigans you can too right.

20:57

Yeah, and it's like I would.

20:59 - Nachi (Host)

I you know when you when not being authentic is hmm, that's hard to me when I yeah, I mean for for me to interact with people. Oh right.

21:10 - Victor (Guest)

Sorry.

21:12 - Nachi (Host)

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt stifled, where you couldn't be yourself with coworkers or a company you work with or a client?

21:24 - Victor (Guest)

We not at my current job Sorry.

21:27 - Damaris (Host)

I said, or family and friends.

21:29 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, Not at my current job, but I had. I had a situation when I was working like doing design supporting Macy's Merchant Dyson group and my manager at the time pulled me aside and let me know that it was not the Victor John show.

21:48 - Nachi (Host)

Oh no.

21:49 - Victor (Guest)

Those are his words. For a video, yeah, and then boom. On Sunday. I was in the style section so I don't know what you heard, but apparently it is the Victor.

21:59 - Damaris (Host)

John show.

22:00 - Victor (Guest)

Okay, you came in with the paper Because I got the paper and you're not. Yeah, it was really weird. It was really he couldn't handle it and then he apologized thereafter, but it was coming from this really weird place.

22:14

It was like a situation that I felt Sorry. I said it was already out there. He already put it out there, yeah, and I was just like what is that? Why are we? Why are we going there? So that was a situation where I felt like I couldn't be myself. Now that you asked me that question, I'm thinking about it. There were other places where I was working as a freelance designer and the reception wasn't as great, but it was because I work in beauty. I do have a lot of flexibility and I push those limits, so I feel fortunate about that. But my current company working for IT Cosmetics part of L'Oreal again has been very positive for me. I feel like people are very receptive and encouraging. So that's when I knew that that would be a place that I would stay longer than I had previously at my jobs.

23:13 - Damaris (Host)

Awesome. I was going to say that I find the more authentic I am, the more I'm attracted, or the more I'm attracting people and opportunities to me that fit in a line with them. And when I think about those times, especially when I was working in corporate, where I just felt like I was just so irritated towards the end of my, my life in corporate, it was just like not a good situation. Even though I was at an officer level, I just didn't feel supported by my senior management. I was like I felt like they wanted me to fail and it ended up like, yeah, you know, and so I just didn't really feel supported and part of that was like because again, I'm not fully authentic there in the office, I can't be.

24:03

And so now that I'm my own boss, it's just like I move the way I want to move and as I'm doing that, things come for me, things come up for me that fit what I want to do. This whole podcast is like was you know an idea? That kind of popped into my head last late last summer as I was talking to different people and they're like, yeah, you should consider doing that. And then I'm like I'm gonna ask Nachi if she wants to do this with me.

24:33

And so I think you're a perfect example of yes, because you've always been pretty authentic and just true to yourself and your nature that a lot of things have come to you quite naturally. When I think about the encounters you've had in the fashion world, you know the exposure you've had. These weren't things that you saw, it came to you, but that's because you also you're very magnetic and that's because you're just being yourself.

25:04 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, I think that that's such a good point. I think that, like, authenticity and inauthenticity are things that you could sniff out almost instantly and you can. You can, it's a vibe, right, you can feel that, you could feel it. You know when somebody's you know trying to pull one over you and trying to act a certain way and trying to behave a certain way, and you know when that's not. You can tell when that's not them, versus meaning somebody and and realizing that, oh no, this person is like coming at me authentically. It's, it's, it's like a sixth sense. And yes to your point, I think that when people see that and when people you know realize that you're being yourself, it is I think that's a perfect word it's magnetic, right, and people are like drawn to you and people they trust you they trust you, they want to hang out with you and all those things, and it's, it's, it's.

26:02

Yeah, that's a great point too. It's about trust. So those qualities in a professional setting, depending on the professional setting. Now, I know that you worked in finance and I work in beauty, so it was kind of like a different world. But again, like my, my world, it has such, I feel like it has flexibility and it's been very welcoming for me so people can can sniff that out and it's it.

26:28 - Nachi (Host)

It's a good skill set to have, I think, for me and my job, yeah yeah, that's a good point, because I'm in health care and and again, I think it just comes with experience and time where you feel more comfortable in being your true self. And so I remember early in my career it was, you know, always doing what's being asked of me and not really kind of putting myself out there because I didn't want to be perceived a certain way.

27:00 - Victor (Guest)

So again, as I got older and gain more experience, you have that, you have a different take on it, and so I totally agree about that yeah, I remember reading something way back when about, so I'm not I'm gonna butcher it, but this idea of once you get to a certain age in life, you know beyond where we are in our lives, you know with your 70s, 80s, 90s, whatever you just finally you know you can't give a fuck right and at that point, yeah, you know, and so I hold on to that and try to get to that point faster, because that's gonna grant you the most freedom, and I'm all about that.

27:41 - Damaris (Host)

I want to get into. I kind of feel like today, in today's world, there's this constant need to put people in a box, and I don't know if you feel that way, and if you do, I'm curious. I'm curious to hear from you. How do you navigate that in this climate of like you must be this, you need to be this label, you need to be in this box, you need to be in this group and still be true to yourself, like you know? How do you navigate that?

28:15 - Victor (Guest)

I know how I do, but I'm curious to hear about you you mean like a box, these boxes you're talking about, like oh, he's a first-generation Filipino, clear, anything.

28:25 - Damaris (Host)

I feel like this, just yeah, so many labels you can't even put them like. There's just too many to even name. But there's, there's a label for everything which I feel like it's very restrictive, and so how can you be authentic of your constantly, you know, feel like either you have to measure up to the this label that you applied on yourself, or you know the opposite of that.

28:47 - Victor (Guest)

I don't know yeah, I mean, hmm, if it fits, it fits, you know, whether or not. Like, whatever these labels are that are being projected onto ones or me or you, whoever it's it's, you got to try it on and see if it fits, and if it doesn't fit, again it's just kind of like, well, I might not be that kind of an artist, I might not be that kind of a gay, I might not be that kind of a designer, whatever the case. Is that kind of a New Yorker? I don't know. I feel like there's room for everybody, right, and you know, and you can be, you know. No, it's the story in the plot's more interesting when it's not cookie cutter. I think you know, I think something you know.

29:36

I'm talking to you about this now, and this is I don't want to make it sound like I haven't had to deal with any of this stuff in my life, but you know, now and just, I'm at a point where it's like I'm realizing that, hey, like I might not be that kind of a person or that kind of a whatever, that kind of a label, but I think it makes the, it makes the story more interesting really. So that's the way that I think about it. I mean, who wants something that's going to be so expected? You realize that too, when you you know that so much about like design and art too, is about maybe showing and presenting things that one hasn't seen before. So it's not. It's for me, it's part of like my thinking anyway. Like be new, be different, don't be afraid to be different. Right, that's the way that I think about it. Yeah.

30:26 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I think sometimes with labels, people, especially when someone is trying to find themselves, get a little confused as to how they should leave, you know, like, how should they identify themselves, right? So what box do I fit in? And, to your point, there isn't a box that you need to fit in. You just have to be you and live the way you want to live and do what you want to do, how you see fit in your life. And you have to put yourself in a box and I think you know sometimes I could be confusing as to oh, what should I, you know, label myself, but what box do I fit in?

31:06

Yeah just so that you could say whatever it is that you want to label yourself as. But I think you just have to live the way you feel fit and move through life, yeah, as you float through it.

31:21 - Damaris (Host)

Do what makes you happy like you?

31:23 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, let's do what makes you happy. It's about for me like, yeah, bring the joy making yourself happy, I'm gonna do me. Yeah like that's the way that, like I have, you know, that's the way that I approach. I guess, like in general and I don't mean for that, I hope that doesn't sound like you know, egotistic or like self-serving but again like I just feel like we come in alone and we leave alone. I know that that sounds so morose, but I know that like I'm here to provide and do me.

31:59 - Damaris (Host)

But those are facts.

32:00 - Victor (Guest)

How does that sound?

32:01 - Damaris (Host)

No, I love that those are facts, like this idea of, yeah, you're born alone, you die alone, that's just the way. Unless you, unless you came in here with a twin, and even then you both didn't come out the the canal at the same time, it was one at a time. So that's just life, and this idea that you I think in in the previous episode I mentioned how you, just I have to be at least for myself. I just have to do what I want to do, how I want to do it, and if that doesn't, if that doesn't work for you, whether your family or friend, that's just a you problem. That's not my problem, because I have boundaries and my joy is always going to come first, because if I'm not joyful and happy, then you're not going to be happy around me, right? And so this idea of like, yeah, you're going to do you, yeah, it's not your disco or selfish, it's, it's life, like your cup needs to be full before you give anyone else anything.

33:05 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, 100 percent. I'm a firm believer in that as well. You know, every time on the airline when they're like make sure to put your mask on first, like that's, it's totally applicable to many other things in life.

33:20 - Damaris (Host)

Right, yeah, you gotta fill your cup first Absolutely.

33:26

This is that I love. This conversation. This is, I think there's a lot for people to think about, especially as, just as individuals, we navigate this life and trying to think of, think of what it is to be authentic, and for me it is like you know, being genuine, being true to yourself and being unapologetically you, and so I'm really grateful, Victor, that you joined us this evening, and I do want to give you the space, you know, again, to let people know your website and your Instagram handle, if you could find you, because I think your videos are hilarious you're dancing, you're singing, you do a lot of stuff. I think people should enjoy that.

34:19 - Victor (Guest)

So please, no thanks for reminding me. I forgot to to mention that you know I'm a fallen star in TikTok, but you know as my star was rising, so I got on to TikTok, which is the, the app for authenticity. Apparently now it just seems like the app to bitch and moan, but whatever, when I got on, a friend of mine told me about it. You know, he's a he. I met him in Spain.

34:52

He's a Brit, his name is Paul and he was like you need to get on TikTok go, so I was like okay, I got on TikTok and then I so then I got on TikTok and I was just making like really funny videos and and again having fun and creating, like you know, moments of joy for myself that were contagious because people could sniff that out so um, they loved it.

35:16

My handle on TikTok is um and on. On Instagram, where I'm also active, is Victor John Art um. That is also the handle for my website with my beaded artwork. If you want to see some of that, it's Victor John Art John with an H J O H N.

35:38

I just did a storytelling event in Brooklyn recently where I talked about my I'm calling the piece RIP to my uncut dick. It was all about getting circumcised later on in life, so that was a very fun thing for me to do and, yeah, I'm just kind of like. You know, every day is an opportunity to be creative. I don't have a show right now. I'm not. I'm not going to speak anywhere, but I'm going to definitely like every day is an opportunity to present my like. I find every day an opportunity to present myself and to just inspire people, hopefully by being who I am, and so many people see that. You know like it's interesting. I was on the train the other day and like I got everything from like a woman brushing, brushing past me and whispering I like your clothes to another guy. Did you get that? I like your clothes to another guy. Like on the platform being like I fuck with your fit bro.

36:44 - Nachi (Host)

I was like work. That's so New York. I love this car. That's so New York it was so New York.

36:50 - Victor (Guest)

It was Dykeman on the one train. I fuck with your fit bro and I was like so you know I do it to make myself happy. I'm happy that I make other people happy and you know it's about. They can see that that they can. People love it when you are making yourself happy.

37:11

I hope you know for the most people and that's all about like coming back to just being who you are doing. You, you know, I love, I love that we're hatching this in this conversation. That, like you know, just because you're doing you are, just because you are like living to your utmost joyous self, doesn't mean that it's selfish. You're just like, it's just authentic and you know people can pull from that. So, to answer your question, I'm always out, I'm always doing something. You just got to look for me. We always know you're out. One of my friends called me Victor, victor pump. He would call me Victor because I'm always pumped in. Yeah, because I'm always pumped in somewhere.

37:58 - Nachi (Host)

He's like always out.

38:00 - Victor (Guest)

Look, I'm gonna call you Victor pump.

38:02 - Nachi (Host)

You're like? Thank you.

38:06 - Victor (Guest)

Oh my God. And then and then I also. I have to mention that I did tell the HR, the vice president of HR, my company, that I was going to be on your show has also.

38:20

Dominic and I was like oh, by the way, I'm gonna. I'm a featured speaker on my friends new podcast. It's called I'm not yet. Well, I teased her. I said that the acronym is I am like you know, they need to know what it means. And she was like what does it mean? I was like it means I'm not yelling. And then she's like oh, okay, and I was like you know, the sub title is she was like I'm the man. Oh, my God, we had we had like such a laugh.

38:48

She was like she was kicking.

38:50

We were kicking, and I think that that really shows that, like that's the kind of ways that I handle being authentic, because I wanted to share that I have a good relationship with this person. I wouldn't deal with somebody that I didn't have a good relationship with but like I think that that could be viewed as being like, oh, should I do that, should I not? And I was like I felt like that was going to bring her joy, was going to bring my joy, and it did. So I shared that information with her and with and with so many other people too, dominic and or not.

39:21 - Nachi (Host)

They all need to hear yes.

39:24 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, it's open to everyone. This is just our perspective and, while you know, for us it's just being Dominican, it's just part of our upbringing and it influences a lot of how we look at life and just how we approach these topics. So, yeah, but it's relatable, yeah yeah, no, it's, I'm not yelling.

39:50 - Victor (Guest)

Part of the title is so relatable to a lot of cultures. But I love, I love, I'm not yelling.

39:56 - Damaris (Host)

I'm Dominican, I'll tell you this. In high school, natasha called the house one time and she's like oh, you guys are having a party. I was like no, that's just my father talking to my uncle, yes. And then I have my husband, who got me the mug, that says I'm not yelling, I'm Dominican. Because he says I'm very loud when I'm on the phone with my family and friends. And I said I'm not loud, I'm just passionate and you just maybe speak quietly. This isn't a library.

40:28 - Victor (Guest)

I don't understand Anyway this is why I love to spend time with you, because we just like, we just like view each other's fire right? You know, I'm not loud. I'm just on your leo.

40:41 - Nachi (Host)

Oh, thank you again, Victor. We appreciate you.

40:46 - Victor (Guest)

Yeah, no, thank you for having me

40:49 - Nachi (Host)

. This is a great and needed conversation, so I'm glad you were on this sharing your story and, just so that we can close out this episode, I want to remind everyone there's no need to be perfect in this world.

41:03

We are as I like to say, and perfectly perfect. So stop being hard on yourself and remember you're not here to live for others. So be true to yourself and the rest will follow. So thank you for listening and please follow us on your favorite podcast platform and sign up for our emails on our website at I'm not yellingco to get the latest updates. Bye, Bye.