Prioritizing Self-care Episode Transcript
00:09 - Nachi (Host)
Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelling! I'm Dominican podcast, hosted by Nachi and Damaris. All right people? Today we're going to talk about self care. Have you ever said to yourself you just don't have time for self care? When you think about self care, do you think about spa day or getting your hair nailed on where? We're going to dive into this topic and talk about what it means. When we say self care, what does it look like and how we can begin to incorporate that into our busy lives. So let's just start off with what is self care, Sister? What do you say about that? What does self care mean to you?
00:55 - Damaris (Host)
Hey everyone, it's Damaris, your favorite delicate flower. So, yeah, I can't wait to get into this. What is self care? So I know I used to think.
01:08
When I used to think of self care, it was very much of what you kind of just mentioned, this idea that, oh, I'm going to pamper myself, I'm going to treat myself, treat yourself as like they say, and I'm going to the spa, get my hair done or get my nails and get the full body massage stones, heat it, all that good stuff. Yeah, all of that, all of that. But also, but because of that, it erected barriers, right. So it made me think that, well, self care takes time and I have to schedule that, and it also takes money. I have to take some time off for work to do it.
01:53
If you know, and and I had to learn over the last few years in particular that self care really goes beyond just that materialistic or not even I only want to say materialistic but just that idea that it's only some luxury experience, that, in order to experience what self care truly is, and so self care really is like going beyond that, it's taking care of yourself on a mental level, on a physical level, spiritual level, emotional level and then doing those things that really are there to part of your personal preservation and that requires care in all those areas. And I think a lot of people probably think about how I used to think about self care. So that's how I kind of view of what self care is really caring for the health of those of those four areas that I kind of just shared. What about?
03:00 - Nachi (Host)
you? Yeah, I agree with all that. I also thought about, you know, when we would talk about self care, or I would think about self care it's like, okay, you know, let me go get my nails done, or I'm going to go get my hair done or something to that effect, but it was always something that I had to go and get done. Right, but not everybody has the funds or even the time to go sit down at a nail salon to, you know, get the nails done. That's going to last, you know, depending on what they're getting, a week or two.
03:44
And you know, I also have to kind of sit back and think about, like, okay, what's self care? And my understanding is that and I had to look it up too, because again, it was like, well, how would I define self care? And self care is, you know, part of maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself? So, yes, your point, you know it has to go beyond that. You know that that, oh, I'm getting something done for me, but rather, looking at it from that perspective of having a relationship with yourself, you know, like this is like you would with anybody else, and the definition that I that I looked up in my story that was on this.
04:48
This one website called Active Minds it. They defined it as doing things to take care of our minds, bodies and souls by engaging in activities that promote well-being and reduce stress. That captured it all and it's similar to what you just said. It's just like it goes beyond. You know, just having something done, but more so. How can I engage with you know what? What am I doing that's promoting my well-being.
05:23 - Damaris (Host)
Right.
05:24 - Nachi (Host)
Because there's a lot of stuff that's going on in the world and people's personal lives. That Yep was just the shit out of you Pretty much. I mean. You know self care is turning off that TV and start watching the news. That was my self care.
05:41 - Damaris (Host)
well, I'm telling you, that's a good point right, and I think it's to go back to it. The idea of self care can be daunting if you think it's only by doing these, having these luxury experiences where you feel like you need to luxuriate. But if you understand that it goes beyond that, then doing things as simple as like what's going to keep you from losing your mind? If it means you don't watch, you know the morning talk shows or the evening news, then stop yeah definitely. Remove yourself off of social media.
06:18 - Nachi (Host)
Yes, Take a break. Yes, take a break, and I do that often. I even now have set a limitation on my Instagram.
06:29 - Damaris (Host)
I do too, but I go over. I'll be like, oh, ignore limits, as I'm like now this week. I said I'm not going to be on it for a full week. I have to get my, get my life together.
06:40 - Nachi (Host)
Yes, yes, you do have to detox every so often. Just like I'm not going to get all this information too much. Yes, the information overload. And I remember, you know I used to faithfully get up in the morning and, as I'm getting ready, I'm watching the TV, the morning news, Right before I go to bed. I will watch the morning news and I started to realize how I felt whenever I watched, especially when it was just like, and this was really around the time when the when Trump was in office and they were just always constantly talking about oh gosh, yes, and I was just like I'm tired of hearing about him.
07:35
Like y'all Right, I don't want to start my morning and end my damn night hearing about Trump.
07:43 - Damaris (Host)
This dude yes.
07:44 - Nachi (Host)
Y'all who voted in like, like, stop it right, but. I had to add to, and that's when I realized like okay, my day cannot start off in this way, you know, and that in and of itself is self-care.
08:05 - Damaris (Host)
Yes, I recognize your health right.
08:08 - Nachi (Host)
I recognize how it was affecting me. It puts you off your day, yes, yes, and people don't want to believe it but Something I remember this one co-worker of mine. She had said you know because I think I don't know how the conversation came up, but it was around, you know, watching news and taking a break from the news. Yes, and she was the total opposite. She was I Cannot. She was like my day doesn't go right if I don't watch the news, but it reminded me of your father.
08:40 - Damaris (Host)
Yeah, yeah, my oh, your father used to be like if you don't watch the news how do you know what's going on in the world? Yes yes, wrong with you. I'm like uh, I don't know. I don't need to know what's going on in the world. Actually, I need to focus on my life, Right? He's like you know what happened in Russia?
08:54 - Nachi (Host)
I'm like yeah, yeah, no, he loved to make you feel stupid.
09:00 - Damaris (Host)
Yeah, that was a demo.
09:02 - Nachi (Host)
Ha ha ha. How, you don't know about that. He's like mommy.
09:05 - Damaris (Host)
You need to know these things really do. I need to know these things and I say no.
09:10 - Nachi (Host)
Am I writing policies and making deals?
09:15 - Damaris (Host)
No, the, the the best, one of the funniest experiences that I had was and I didn't realize. Like you, I used to wake up to news, but it was to Radio news, because watching tv would distract me. So I just knew that I would have the radio playing Right now. For those of you guys that live in new york city or grew up here, you know about 10, 10 wins. It is a great am station. They tell you they're, they're like their commercial. Is you get the news in?
09:51 - Nachi (Host)
30 would have 10 minutes or less you get sports, weather, traffic, world news, local news.
09:58 - Damaris (Host)
You get that all within 10 minutes and they're not lying. But here's the thing again. This is new york city news. So there's a lot happening. I don't think nothing of it. That my radio, I would wake up to the radio, so that was my alarm. I didn't wake up with an alarm blaring, but I woke up to Right and it's like breaking news.
10:24 - Nachi (Host)
You know or?
10:27 - Damaris (Host)
Until I started dating my husband my now husband he was like what are we waking up to? I was like what are you talking about? He's like we wake up and they're like 10 people shot in brooklyn, uh, you know. Or fire blaze in the Bronx 10 people died there for two families. And I was just like that's not true. We wake up to like sports, you know, or to the weather, is not always about some tragic news, Literally. I said that the next morning we wake up it's like three people run over by a new york city bus.
11:09 - Nachi (Host)
I Look, I know, just respect to those people that were that were run over by that bus.
11:14 - Damaris (Host)
But I broke out laughing because I was just like damn and he looked at me. I turned around like he got me.
11:22 - Nachi (Host)
Yes, he was like.
11:23 - Damaris (Host)
I told you.
11:25 - Nachi (Host)
I was like, okay, you're right.
11:27 - Damaris (Host)
We probably shouldn't wake up to news about someone being gunned down or run over by A mass transit bus. Yeah, you, you win, you win, you win, right, right. So then I stopped, we just stopped. And you know he's been great about actually getting us really great alarms that either, um, they have like a like a chime, a med, a meditation chime, or just very easy going alarm clocks to ease into our day without some craziness. And that's a former self-care that I didn't realize I needed because it was just like it did, even though I didn't feel it at that moment. It's this oh my god, I live in a world and an environment where it's like people are constantly getting hurt and it's just, and that's just one aspect of it.
12:21 - Nachi (Host)
Right and and they're always putting that in the in the news because for them, hey, that's how we get ratings, that's people count on us to, to give them. You know, share the. You know all these tragedies because that's what the news is full of. We don't ever hear, or rarely hear, of any good news being reported. No it's just unheard of.
12:44 - Damaris (Host)
It's unheard of yeah, and I think that's. So going back to recognizing that there are simple, direct, free ways to address your self-care, it's, I think it could be a reason why it, or at least it can encourage people to prioritize self-care if they recognize that it is not something that requires money or a significant amount of time. Because, honestly, some you know, and reading some articles about this, the importance of self-care being prioritized Is that it does. It reduces your anxiety, it can reduce your depression if you suffer from that.
13:28
Yeah, absolutely also the stress right, improving your resiliency overall.
13:35 - Nachi (Host)
Yes.
13:36 - Damaris (Host)
Increasing energy. Like, again, it all depends on, like, the areas of focus that you want to do self-care on. But like if you think about your health, if you prioritize in that and self-care with you know if you want to tackle the different topics, but like health, you know how I am. For me it's about I have high discernment on anything I put In my body and on my body, so I don't even use lotions. I create my own body oil Because I'm like I don't know what y'all put in them, what chemicals you be trying to put. It's like there's so many chemicals I have to keep track of that can cause cancer.
14:14 - Nachi (Host)
I don't have time.
14:15 - Damaris (Host)
You know what? Guess what? Maybe I'll just do my own thing and I do. I made a little body oil for Molly too. She was like thank you Right because she she was like your skin is so soft. I'm like I know, girl, I'll take care of it.
14:28 - Nachi (Host)
But, and that's how it should be but that but that is a former self-care, right then you know, right there and it's, it's being aware of yourself, right, and I feel like you know, especially women, particularly black and in latinas, we're conditioned to ensure that everyone is being taken care of.
14:52 - Damaris (Host)
Yes, we don't even.
14:53 - Nachi (Host)
Another reason why it's not prior. It does right, right, you know, whether it's our partner, spouse, sibling, children, extended family. I mean, we're just taught that you need to make sure everyone around you is taking care of everyone, and so we end up taking on that burden and exclude ourselves, and so a lot of us aren't in tune with our bodies and our needs or what even brings joy to us to even get to a place of. Oh, I need to prioritize myself, and this is how I'm going to do it. Yes, I mean, I remember asking mommy, I don't know what I was doing. I was doing something, cause I'm always on some tantra challenge.
15:46 - Damaris (Host)
Okay, yes, you are.
15:48 - Nachi (Host)
And you know, one of the, I think one of the things that came up, I was doing something, working through something. In one of the questions it had, it prompted me to ask mommy like what does she want to be when she was younger? Like what was you know? What does she want to do if she didn't have us? You know what was her passion? And she didn't have any Love in her family. Like when I asked her similar questions.
16:21 - Damaris (Host)
she's like you know, having a family, yeah. And part of it is because I don't think she's ever taken the time to really reflect on that, and a second part is I really do think that you know and again not taking it away from anyone that feels that way that no, I'm like. So people are like that's what I want to be, it's just a mom and right, and that's okay.
16:48 - Nachi (Host)
But I think people like the gen, like mommy's generation. They've been conditioned to be that way. So there was no opportunity really to explore other things.
17:02 - Damaris (Host)
Absolutely it's been this is what's expected of you.
17:06 - Nachi (Host)
Right, you come of age and you should be looking for a husband and settle down and your priority should be your family and that's it. And so we take on that burden, and then that manifests into dis-ease. Do you remember how you were like?
17:28 - Damaris (Host)
I was like why did they say dis-ease? And then I was like holy snap, you're no longer at ease. Disease is really that, you know. Yeah, it was like mind blown. You were just like. I was like what Two months old, you know, like today you're old finding out.
17:48 - Nachi (Host)
I was like okay, oh, this is what y'all mean by that. Oh, this is yeah I was.
17:56 - Damaris (Host)
yeah, I was real, I'm real mad.
18:00 - Nachi (Host)
Oh my gosh. But it comes in a form of depleted mental health, physical health, you know, lack of sustainability. So it's just like sometimes you have to kind of sit back and start to think, you know, because, like I say, your outer world is a representation of your inner world.
18:21 - Damaris (Host)
Absolutely.
18:23 - Nachi (Host)
Absolutely, and I think you know one have to. You know, change or switch the dynamics from everyone else is a priority to. Okay, I'm a priority Everyone else comes afterwards.
18:42 - Damaris (Host)
I mean, you're absolutely right when I think about the women of mommy's generation and then even how you've been, and I think about my friends that have had kids, and again I can only speak to our culture and Caribbean upbringing and also just you know, just in general, of like this idea that family is first and if your mother, your children, are first and I used to think that way because that's how your mom was with us, like I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, we were a priority over your father and I used to think that, yeah, that's the way it should be. But now as an adult, and also I remember watching some Oprah episode. I mean, obviously wouldn't. I was probably like in my late teens and probably still in college, and there was this woman that calls this whole controversy because she talked about how she prioritizes her relationship with her husband over her children.
19:54
And her argument was that or not her argument, but she defended it by saying, like, if I have a strong relationship with my husband, then we can be a better unit, if you will, for our overall family and our children and I was just like that woman's wild. Meanwhile I'm like, I'm a teenager, I don't have kids. But I know right Like I have an experience I've never had other than my high school boyfriend.
20:20
But, now as an adult, someone who's married, while I don't have children. But I've been witness to you and to close friends and to other family members and our own mother, of what can happen to a mother who prioritizes her children first. And I'm not saying to prioritize your husband first, I'm just saying the idea of like this, always putting someone above you instead of saying I'm first, then I'm here for everyone else, and seeing how, like I remember a friend where it's just like she was a single mom too, you know, like you, and her priority was her kid, and to the point where I felt like it was more of a priority for the child than for her and she was exhausted a lot.
21:14 - Nachi (Host)
Definitely it's funny. Yeah, I agree. So you're right. When I was married, I was so consumed with taking care of my husband and children and every decision I made were around them, despite whether I wanted it or not. Right, and not to say that you shouldn't be making decisions based on your you know family's needs, but a lot of the times the decisions are made around them like their ones. Oh, my husband? He's not gonna want that, or my children's not gonna want that, they're not gonna be comfortable with that, or it's never, you know. Instead of, especially when I started thinking, you know, changing the way I thought about my decisions and started thinking about myself.
22:12
Now it wasn't like an overnight thing Like this is definitely something that I still continue to work on and, you know, realize when I feel like I'm going in a different path. But every time that I've kind of put myself first in my decision, it's always worked out for me in the long run. And so, and it wasn't, you know, until I started thinking or putting myself first that I started to see a change. Because when I was, you know, when I was in that place, there was like miscareer opportunities, business opportunities, because I was always thinking about them, like oh, you know, I'm not going to be there enough.
23:09
Or you know, he won't be able to take time off from work. And it wasn't even like a situation where, oh, I sat down and had a conversation and mapped out a plan. I already thought in my head, oh, this is, this is what's right for my family. When there was no discussion, they didn't say, oh, this is what I need. It was just like this, this automatic, you know, way of thinking of all. My decision has to be, you know, whether it's going to benefit them versus how it's going to benefit me, and then, as a whole, benefit my family, right, and so, yeah, we, just we can get into that place. I mean, you know, even now I've had to rethink the way I deal with certain issues with my children. Yeah, yeah, you know, like, instead of being consumed because, yes, literally when, when I separated from my husband, it was just me and the kids, oh, my goodness, talk about exhaustion. I'm tired now, but in those first, few years oh, I can't even explain the exhaustion.
24:27
Yeah Around that. And in hindsight I feel if I made different decisions, right, that things definitely would have been different.
24:41 - Damaris (Host)
But yeah, it's yeah, I think about what I heard one time Iyana Van Sant say about being selfful and how that's different from being selfish. Yes, she's like you can't. She's like your cup needs to be full first before you can give. And when, especially when you want to get all spiritual and get all on Bible, she's like when your cup runneth over, it's what's runneth over that you give.
25:13 - Nachi (Host)
Right, right.
25:14 - Damaris (Host)
Not from a depleted cup. So if you go, if you come from a place of everyone is first I give, give, give and I don't focus on refilling my cup, then how can you really be there for anyone, right? And then it's not even the best you, and if you are there, obviously, but it's not the best version of you, because you're either depleted, you're low, you lack energy, you are anxious, you're depressed, you're burnt out.
25:46 - Nachi (Host)
And you're just not your best version of yourself.
25:49 - Damaris (Host)
No, there's no way. You're the best version.
25:53 - Nachi (Host)
It's just, it's not a win, but we're conditioned and we were raised to be like that selfish.
25:57 - Damaris (Host)
If you don't put others first, if you don't put your family first, if you don't put your kids first or put your husband first. I was like no, I come first. Look, I just told Natasha the other day I was like you know, when it came to something that she wanted to prioritize. I'm like you do. I know you have two boys, but no.
26:19 - Nachi (Host)
Yeah, yeah. Like put yourself first, and I know it's hard. It's easier said than done, Like I completely get it, you know, but you really have to kind of sit down and think about it you know like okay how is it affecting me mentally?
26:41
You know, and is this in in my mind? Is my mental state impacting my children or my spouse or you know, whoever it's like? You really have to be able to get in tune with yourself and identify those things, because that's really what's key and what's going to help identify those self-care activities. That's going to help you through all of that, because it's hard out here. Okay.
27:23 - Damaris (Host)
Listen. No, and that's all important and that's kind of. You know, when you think about what does self-care look like? What I do is like identifying what that plan could look like for you as an individual. And you know, when I think about physical self-care, for example, for me it comes in the food that I consume.
27:52 - Nachi (Host)
Right, right.
27:54 - Damaris (Host)
And I am hyper mindful of, okay, ensuring that I have fruits that I eat in the morning, that I drink my celery juice to get my system right, that I focus on boosting my immune system in this crazy day and age. But how about? I was on it before the pandemic, right.
28:14
Right, like I always cared about what I ate eating the best meats that I could afford, like there's again. And if you can't afford organic fruits, just buy fruits. Right, right, like, read the labels. If you see ingredients that you can't even pronounce, it's probably not good, right, it's processed. Processed food just isn't good. Like this is not. Look, this is. This is not an attack, but yeah, it's kind of an attack, like, come on, but they sell you on that right.
28:43 - Nachi (Host)
Yeah, they sell you on. It's quick and easy, no, no.
28:48 - Damaris (Host)
Like you just need to put in a little bit more time. And you know I don't want to eat, not you, you're a single mom, you do it.
28:56 - Nachi (Host)
Yeah.
28:57 - Damaris (Host)
You've been working on it.
28:58 - Nachi (Host)
That's great I have been, because I was on that bandwagon of look, I need something quick and easy. What's this frozen dinner? What's this? What's this chicken nuggets I can throw up in there. But when you know, I started realizing that I need to start looking and reading these labels and really like understanding and and and absorbing all of that and realizing that a lot of the shit that we eat, that we we think is food, is really not food. Right, and and I kick myself because I'm like I got my kids hooked up on this shit- and you can't.
29:41 - Damaris (Host)
You got to give yourself compassion, another form of self care. That's right, you know, like you got to give yourself grace. It's just about what you do now.
29:50 - Nachi (Host)
And I do, and so I. So now I look at, read the labels and I'm very particular about what I purchase. I try to buy more whole foods than you know, than frozen, In fact. I don't.
30:05 - Damaris (Host)
Right, and we're not talking about whole foods, the supermarket, it's the idea that if you're eating an apple, that is a whole food. You know you're not eating an apple pop tart. That is not a whole food that is processed. Exactly, that's processed chemical ingredients.
30:23 - Nachi (Host)
Right, right, you know, instead of buying the shredded cheese that has, like you know, additives in there, so that it doesn't get kicked up by the block of cheese and shred it yourself, right, you know, you know, it's things like that. Yeah, like that.
30:42 - Damaris (Host)
And that's exactly like when people need to start thinking about the types of self care and physical being one of the like. That's it Right. Or for some people, it could be putting trying to incorporate more exercise into their you know regimen. Whatever that looks like, yes, just simple hygiene, yeah.
31:01 - Nachi (Host)
And then like brushing your teeth twice a day, you know, hello. Then to floss, right, right, like, oh, I love, I want to have a pretty smile.
31:10
I want my teeth to look good. Yeah, brush your teeth twice a day, floss, right, right. But one of the things that I do and I definitely see a difference when I don't do it is spending time in the morning before the kids get up, you know, and I have to get ready and rolling for my, you know, for my day, okay it's. You know, when I take that time in the morning and it really doesn't have to be like it really could just be 15 minutes, right, whatever time you take for yourself, that quiet moment where you just want to make yourself some coffee or just sit there, read a book, you know, because that's something I love to read, but I haven't really, you know, had the time to just enjoy some leisure reading.
32:16 - Damaris (Host)
Right, right.
32:17 - Nachi (Host)
Right, and that's something that I've always missed. But even if it's like, like I said a few minutes before you start your day, that that helps me a lot, like it helps me put my mind right in a peaceful state, because that's great, I'm gonna tell you, but you force it in there, right?
32:39 - Damaris (Host)
It's like five minutes or whatever. I have to get up early. I have to get up early. Prioritized it, yes.
32:43 - Nachi (Host)
Prioritized it and I noticed a difference when I don't do it, when I say, oh, I'm gonna sleep in a little, you know I'm gonna sleep in. I'm just gonna sleep until I just have to get up, right?
32:54 - Damaris (Host)
You pay the price.
32:55 - Nachi (Host)
Yes, I do. It's a huge difference, because I'm frazzled, I'm rushing the kids, I'm like, let's go, come on, and and it's nothing that the kids are doing differently, when I take my 15 or so you know minutes in the morning, it's me, because of course, they feed off of my energy.
33:15 - Damaris (Host)
Right.
33:17 - Nachi (Host)
And and, and my reaction is a little bit different when I'm tired and I'm not fully awake and I'm trying to rush through, you know, trying to get out the door, and so you know, my whole energy is off. Yeah, but when I take those few minutes and again it does not have to be 30 or an hour I mean that would be great if you could throw in an hour before and, you know, do what you need to do, whether it's exercise.
33:43
But let it be realistic for yourself Right, and that's that's what I had to do. You know, I I had to put a time frame that was going to be realistic. Sometimes, yes, I can give myself an hour Like I've gotten up where, okay, I have an hour to myself Very good. I'm just going to do this and but other times I'm like I'm tired, but let me just make sure.
34:14 - Damaris (Host)
I get at least 15 minutes Right.
34:17 - Nachi (Host)
Because now I'm not rushing.
34:18 - Damaris (Host)
Yeah.
34:19 - Nachi (Host)
I could take my time get myself together.
34:23 - Damaris (Host)
That's totally mental self care. That is, you taking the time to get yourself right mentally for the day.
34:35 - Nachi (Host)
And it's those quiet moments that you start to especially like if you're journaling, if you the type of person who likes to journal and you know, put that to use consistently, you'll start to think about things, will start to come to you Like you'll start to think about hobbies that you're like oh, I think I want to take a painting.
34:56 - Damaris (Host)
you know, but that's like your intuition. You actually are like, are becoming aligned with your intuition, which is to me the way I feel. You know God speaks to me.
35:07 - Nachi (Host)
So it's.
35:08 - Damaris (Host)
Mm, hmm. And that goes to spiritual self care, right, because I'm a firm believer and I know you are too that we're spiritual beings having a human experience, and it's it for me that my spiritual self care is huge and forcing myself every morning to start my day with a prayer that begins with gratitude, and gratitude of, like the most basic function, like thank you for this breath.
35:42
I remember I told a friend that he was like saying girl, that sounds depressing, like you just think. I said that's the most basic thing. Like I'm here, like, oh, thank you for I'm getting to the luxury, because thank you for my luxuries lifestyle. But first thank you for letting me wake up with this brand.
35:59 - Nachi (Host)
That's what I said. Thank you for waking me up. That's what.
36:02 - Damaris (Host)
I'm saying Thank you for this breath that I'm inhaling. Exhale my quick prayer yes, Come on now. So, and and I do notice the difference when I also don't start with that prayer of gratitude, that prayer, that that connection, because it's like oh OK, you think you're doing this on your own, you think you fresh like that? Yeah, no, Mm, hmm. And I'm grateful for that.
36:28
No, but again it's whatever works for you, but for me it's getting having that deeper meaning, overstanding, as you know, the spirit of people like to say Connection with the creator right and so that's so that's to me one of the practices I do, that that I find fulfilling, because I can't just do a regular meditation. That doesn't quite work for me, but you know. But for me it's just like OK, at least let me be present when I am praying and being grateful Right Right, because it works for you.
37:04 - Nachi (Host)
That's what you mean, and it's feeding you in in a way, and I I think another form of self care is time with friends.
37:17 - Damaris (Host)
Yes.
37:17 - Nachi (Host)
The social aspect of yes yes that's absolutely right, yep, where it's just like oh, because I know every time that I I get a chance to spend time with a friend.
37:29 - Damaris (Host)
It's like you get re-energized right.
37:31 - Nachi (Host)
Yes, and it's funny because what depends? On the people to yeah, yes, yes, absolutely. I'm an introvert and I can be around a lot of people for too long. Like my energy Is depleted, like right drained, and this is with it. Like it could be with family, like whenever we are, like when we have our family, I love it and I'm happy. But when I tell you I get a massive headache and it's just because of everyone's energy and I'm like huh you absorb that.
38:06
Yeah, I was like I need to go to a room and just lock myself and leave me alone Because I'm, but it just is because of all the energy and the excitement.
38:21 - Damaris (Host)
It's a combination.
38:23 - Nachi (Host)
Right and so. But I enjoy when I am with family. You know, like when family is visiting or I'm spending time with a friend.
38:33 - Damaris (Host)
You know that is always.
38:35 - Nachi (Host)
I love my one and one times with friends.
38:38 - Damaris (Host)
Yeah, they say that that is for, like that social self care aspect, that putting the time and energy into developing those relationships and keeping them going, because it's so easy with day to day life to lose touch with people. And then it's like you start to grow apart and stuff and I definitely feel like the older I've gotten, the busier everyone's lives have gotten. So with certain friends, because of you know our lifestyles, there are some certain friends that I have like monthly calls with.
39:11
We just put it on a calendar, so before we get off the phone or before we, you know, we depart from whatever we were doing. We're like when's the next time we're meeting? And for those friends that work and then they're friends, like you know, like for me, the bestie Natasha is just like OK, I speak to at least once a week and we're good, and then occasionally we're like, ok, we'll meet up whatever, but that is, you know, that's, that's that's important to cultivate, and sometimes you have to make an effort beyond liking stuff on social media.
39:45
To me that's just like not a real thing.
39:47 - Nachi (Host)
Right.
39:48 - Damaris (Host)
I don't know if that's generational and I like, I'm just like, just because I like your stuff does mean we're friends, like that, like I don't know, like I don't know that.
39:57 - Nachi (Host)
Like oh, it's my bestie. Like no, no, it's not a thing.
40:00 - Damaris (Host)
It's not a thing. So, but if there's effort in we, we connect, we talk, we reach out the texts here or there. That's different.
40:10
Right, yeah, yeah, you know and I mean I think we covered some really good stuff here about what a self care plan could look like, because I ultimately get the end of the day is look, prioritizing self care for yourself, putting yourself first. I'm just going to break it, like, yeah, you have to, and then you know, and then and then developing what that plan looks like. And it doesn't have to be something that that requires money or an excessive amount of time. It just requires whatever it is you need at that moment, but taking the time out for yourself to do those things, because everything else will fall into place.
40:49
Absolutely, Absolutely. I mean just kind of going off of what you said, those other, those changes that you talked about, those simple changes that you made. You started to see the benefit of that right.
41:02 - Nachi (Host)
Yeah.
41:02 - Damaris (Host)
I think we talked about that early in the in this conversation, about like you're happier, you're more relaxed with the kids in the morning. There isn't that same kind of energy of like that frenetic energy which means that you also start to develop stronger relationships with your kids, because they probably like, ok, mommy's not being your mom, you know Right.
41:23 - Nachi (Host)
Right Crazy song yelling for no reason. What you yelling?
41:26 - Damaris (Host)
for to get your ass up and going.
41:28 - Nachi (Host)
Let's go Right, right, right, right.
41:32 - Damaris (Host)
So I thought it's like get up, buddy, you can do this Come on, or or you could break your kids up like your father. Your father was like the original 1010.
41:43 - Nachi (Host)
The original 1010 wings. Oh my God, clapping, singing and clapping, that is so doing it.
41:48 - Damaris (Host)
Yeah, I don't know who grew up like that. But yeah, my father thought it was appropriate to walk into our room and just clap with his big ass hands and loud clapping.
41:57
I mean, he was in the army, but we did not go to the army and I just didn't think that was necessary. But yeah, all right people, all right Pete. But I think this is a great conversation we had today and I hope our listeners got something out of it. So, as we close this episode, remember self care takes many forms Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. A self care plan is not a one size fits all.
42:30
Self care requires one to be introspective. It's about you identifying the areas you need the most nurturing. Prioritize yourself first and don't feel guilty about that. We're put on this earth to fulfill our purpose, and the best way to do that is to take care of yourself in the way that suits you best. A happier you is a better you, and a better you is your best contribution to the world. As always, the goal is to keep your vibrations high, and that starts with focusing on self care. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at I'mnotyellingunderscore. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for listening, and we look forward to talking next time.