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Rebuking Imposter Syndrome Episode Transcript

00:00 - Nachi (Host)

In this episode, we'll embark on a journey together to understand imposter syndrome and its various manifestations. We'll explore the causes and triggers that contribute to this self-doubt, including societal pressures, childhood experiences and the influence of social media. Welcome to another episode of I'm Not Yelle, I'm Dominican podcast hosted by Nachi and Damaris. Hey everyone, it's your girl, Nachi, and I'm here with Damaris, your favorite critical thinking enthusiast.

00:40

Of course, of course. Well, I'm really excited about this conversation we're about to have, because I feel we have all been in a situation where we have felt like a fraud and have talked ourselves out of doing something just because we don't believe we have the chops to do it. And this is just a conversation we need to have, because it's important for people to know that you are capable, you are able. Nothing should stop you. You should always move forward, and I'm glad we're going to get into this topic because it's really needed.

01:25 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, imposter syndrome and, to your point, I know I felt it in my life and almost everyone that I ever speak to at some point has mentioned that they felt somewhat of an imposter.

01:40

Even when I think about some of the guests that we've had that I feel are subject matter experts, they have their own feelings of anxiety and inadequacy of am I the right person to be talking about this?

01:58

And it just, I think, to your point. This is so perfect for us to be talking about this because it is something that many of us experience and I can honestly, at least for myself, speak to it from a woman's point of view, although I do know that men do go through some level of imposter syndrome. But I know for women sometimes they feel like it could be a little bit more acute in what we go through and how we deal with that. So I feel like we should start with a definition of what imposter syndrome is so that we can kind of level the playing field of what it is we're talking about and start from the same space. So a definition I found on betterupcom's website was imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high performing in external and objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony and doubting their abilities, and I felt that was like a perfect definition of really, you know, broadly defining what I view imposter syndrome to be.

03:13 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, it's doubting your own skills, your talent, any accomplishments that you've done, and just internalizing that fear. Like you mentioned, it's that all of that is what we've experienced as imposter syndrome and I can probably count a number of times that that's crept up in my life and journey, particularly in career and business, and just you know a whole lot, even with this podcast.

03:51 - Damaris (Host)

Girl, you already know that this is on my list of how and when I felt like an imposter.

03:57

Let's talk through some of the signs of what and the types of imposter syndrome and I know, for me, the idea of feeling inadequate, feeling like you're not qualified for what it is. That, especially when it comes to work and career and jobs is not feeling you're 100% qualified for this role. And one of the things that was interesting for me was a consultant for a company that was looking to diversify their candidate pool for their hiring practices. Right, because what they realized and kudos to them was that they were only hiring a certain type of person and that is because that person usually reflected what they look like, because that's who they knew and that was who was in their network. So they're like oh, if we're really looking to succeed in business, we probably need to diversify our workplace Right, and that includes diversification of background, experience, race, all of that.

04:56

But that is to contribute to a qualified candidate, right. So it was. You know, before you get the DEI opponents, this wasn't about oh, let's just hire someone for the sake of their color. It was how do we broaden our hiring pool? Right?

05:13

And the fact that they recognized that they were not doing a good job was in itself, you know, a good thing. But what I learned in consulting for them on how to broaden their candidate pool to new candidates was that, especially when it came to women, they were less likely than men, and by far less likely than men, to apply for a job if they didn't feel they had 100% or didn't meet 100% of the qualifications. And I felt that 100% when I read that I was just like facts, because that's how I went about when I would apply to jobs. If I couldn't say that I can do all these things, I wouldn't apply. So women who are very much qualified for a lot of these roles won't even apply because they don't think they will qualify. They're adequately qualified to go for these roles and that was a perfect sign of imposter syndrome and I didn't even realize that about myself and as I was going through this research, it resonated and I agreed wholeheartedly with. I didn't doubt that stat, I didn't doubt that data point.

06:25 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, when I was looking up the different types or the signs of imposter syndrome, being an expert was a type that came up and similar to you it was. If I didn't fit all of the qualifications for a particular job post, I wouldn't go for it. And again, I think mostly women deal with that where they feel like they have to qualify, like they have to hit those checkmarks to make sure that they meet the requirement. It's not even requirement, they just put out these are the qualifications that we're looking for.

07:05

So if it's not listed as a requirement, right that means you can go for it, but we're still conditioned to believing that we have to meet every single one of those qualifications. And I can't tell you how many times I've looked at something and I would say to myself yeah, you know, I don't, well, I don't do this one thing, but I fit any other checkbox.

07:31 - Damaris (Host)

Mind you, and women apply to 20% fewer jobs than men because of that, so it's so.

07:37 - Nachi (Host)

That's just something that we have to be aware of and and think through as we see certain situations or opportunities where we feel like, oh, I need, I don't have that certification or that degree. Or, through my job, a lot of people go for certain certifications and you know, I have my master's degree and that was it. Like I feel that should be enough. Right, I don't need to get anything else. I don't see the need unless, unless I see a true need for it, I'm not going for it. And so a lot, of, a lot of my colleagues have gone for certain certifications because it's something that people in our industry have gone for and it's like yeah, it makes you quote more qualified, right, and I'm like really.

08:31 - Damaris (Host)

How about my experience?

08:33 - Nachi (Host)

Right.

08:34 - Damaris (Host)

I play this game.

08:36 - Nachi (Host)

Right, I say I've been in this game for far too long. I don't think I need that, I'm okay.

08:41 - Damaris (Host)

Unless you tell me that you may need it.

08:44 - Nachi (Host)

Right, unless you tell me me, getting this certification is going to increase my pay significantly, then we may talk. I don't know. But again, you don't need to feel like you have to check all those boxes to be considered an expert. That's just you know. That's that's my opinion and I know it's hard for some people to to let that go, but really that that attributes to a lot of of a lot of women believing that they're just not qualified for something.

09:19 - Damaris (Host)

And I definitely would say that for me, when I worked in corporate, I was more of the perfectionist, and so, while it allowed me to thrive in a lot of my roles, it did hinder me because I would, I was, I was so focused on the details and get buried in those things and and needing everything to be perfect in order for something to be delivered and and if it wasn't, then I felt like I wasn't doing my job at its best.

09:53 - Nachi (Host)

And yeah, I'm not the perfectionist.

09:54 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, what's that?

09:57 - Nachi (Host)

I said I'm not the perfectionist.

09:59 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, well, you know I am, but I also realized is because it comes from also place of the need to be in control, because what I delivered at work, if I didn't have control over it, I didn't want someone else to control over my narrative too.

10:14 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

10:14 - Damaris (Host)

So it's like, okay, well, I'll do it and I know I'm going to do it, great, but you can't also do that part of evolving and going into more leadership positions. It requires you to let go of some of that stuff, to let go of some of that control. You have to. You can't be successful in moving up if that's not how you are. But and I did get better with that over time, but that was definitely something with me about that and and that's a type of imposter syndrome apparently. So I learned.

10:49 - Nachi (Host)

It is, it is. I don't think I've I think I may borderline perfectives, but I'm not a true perfect and I would get to a point where I would say I think this is good enough. You know that's good. But at the same time I also like to do everything myself, because I could only do it right, so that you are a perfectionist.

11:11 - Damaris (Host)

She doesn't know that that is a requirement. You need to be in control.

11:16 - Nachi (Host)

Okay, riddle me that sister I'm listening, I'm listening. It's not. It's not that I don't believe someone else can do the job. I'm more of a. I'm a soloist Right, so that's like another type of of of imposter syndrome. I'm the type that I would do the work. I don't want to ask if I have to ask you to ask help to do something.

11:46 - Damaris (Host)

Okay.

11:47 - Nachi (Host)

Then I feel like I'm not. You know I'm not able to do it. I need to be. I need to be able to complete this task or this project or whatever the situation or thing that I'm doing, without having to ask for help, and that is a problem. Yes, that's a problem because you can't. You can't go far doing things by yourself, right. And so I don't think I'm a perfectionist, because I do feel I can get to a certain point where it's like, okay, this is good enough. I don't have to dot every I and cross it for it to be good enough. I'm okay. You know, I could get to good enough, right. But asking for help to get something done, gotcha. I don't do that because I feel like me, asking for help means I'm not qualified to do the task or the project Right. So that's that's where I'm coming from.

12:47 - Damaris (Host)

That's fair.

12:49 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah.

12:50 - Damaris (Host)

That's fair, I think. For me it always just stemmed from feeling inadequate, right Like so. It's interesting. As we were preparing to do this episode, I didn't realize there were so many different types of imposter syndrome.

13:05

right, I thought it was just uh you just don't feel like you're yeah, you're just don't feel adequate, right, right, but there were different types of inadequacies, apparently, and so that was that was really interesting to come across, and you mentioned earlier already about this podcast, and I absolutely felt that way when even thinking about doing this, proposing this to you, and as we were doing it, just like, okay, who's going to listen to us? Why us, why do, why would anyone care what we have to say? But something in me just kept going like, why not? Right, you're not going to know unless you try it.

13:46 - Nachi (Host)

Exactly.

13:47 - Damaris (Host)

And you have to do it. And so this is me breaking away from that feeling of being an imposter, of feeling like who am I to think that I'm qualified to have my own show, to discuss these topics? But when we talked about doing this show, I felt confident, simply because we're talking about things that we actually have gone through, so no one can tell me how I should feel or what I went through, so I don't really give a fuck about you know what you if you think I'm qualified or not to have my own show. And then also over the last few years, I started to not care about what people think about me, and that's one of the things that I feel definitely fed into my imposter syndrome in my career, because I felt like I had to be concerned about how others viewed me, how they viewed my work, the everything that I presented when I went into the office, you know is is all under a microscope, and so to me I just felt like I'm always having to deliver, to keep letting them know I am qualified.

14:58

I'm actually overqualified for this, and I could do this in my sleep and I run circles around all of you guys, so you know. So it's one of those things where it was that, that feeling, that, um, of being an imposter, being in that of caring about what others thought about me, and that is what kind of fed into that. But since I've moved away from that over the last like five, six years, and that started from leaving the corporate world and doing my own consultancy and then ultimately just focusing on my own thing without worrying about what other people thought. That's that was a journey in itself and it's still a journey. And today I have to, you know, to remind myself like who cares what they think.

15:49

I got to do with what feels right to me, and so so starting the podcast is one of one of those specific examples.

15:58 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, Well, I think the whole idea of not feeling you're qualified, you know you're not the expert right, so that's the one, that's the one type that you've overcome. But I also feel that you struggle sometimes with the perfectionist piece of it too.

16:22 - Damaris (Host)

And it comes out. Go ahead, sister, Tell me about myself. No no. I just want to, I just want to point out, I want to point out and actually I think I've gotten better with that, because there were a lot of things. I was okay with it not being perfect.

16:37 - Nachi (Host)

And there are, I know, I know.

16:40 - Damaris (Host)

I know you're comfortable, you're facing love, go ahead. I'm not saying hold up the mirror, hold up the mirror.

16:46 - Nachi (Host)

Nachi, you see, you always like to come in.

16:49 - Damaris (Host)

No, I'm saying hold up the mirror for me so I can see myself.

16:51 - Nachi (Host)

Not to you, oh, not for me, not for me to see myself. No, no, no, it's like hold up the mirror, tell me about myself, go ahead, okay, no, I'm just I want to support she's like.

16:56 - Damaris (Host)

No problem, it's about you. Great, Let me keep telling you about you?

17:06 - Nachi (Host)

No, but I just want to. I want for people to understand the different types and how it plays right, right, you've, you've overcome this. I'm not the you know I am. I am good enough, I'm qualified, rather enough, to to do a podcast, right. And so then the other pieces make you sure that everything is right and and we do it a certain way, and I know, and I feel like we balance each other out, right, cause I'm, I'm in the same boat, but I feel like we both balance each other out, because when one is feeling some kind of way, the other one is the cheerleader. And I feel like this has been a great, we're, a great compliment to having this podcast, because, you know, there's been times where you would, you know, you would come to me and say I don't know what do you think about this? You know, you know I don't like the way and I'm like girl, this looks good to me Cause I'm. Perfectionism is not, it's not one that.

18:10 - Damaris (Host)

I'm good enough to be.

18:11 - Nachi (Host)

One that I I struggle with. This looks good enough.

18:16 - Damaris (Host)

You're like girl bye. You've told me that several times. I'm like, but we didn't do this and it was like that whole crossing T's dining out.

18:25 - Nachi (Host)

You're like no, we don't. We don't need to do that. We don't need to do that, we are here right now, and we're good where we are. We'll get.

18:35 - Damaris (Host)

So basically she's telling y'all don't at me, Cause we're going to ignore it.

18:45 - Nachi (Host)

But coming up with the podcast is a great example of overcoming these fears right and overcoming these different types of of imposter syndrome, because it's going to hit you in all, all directions. You just have to be able to be aware of it and know how to pivot, and do some self talking and and put things in place for yourself so that you don't succumb to the the negative self talk and talk yourself out of something that could be great.

19:20 - Damaris (Host)

Yeah, absolutely Right. When have you come across that in your life where you feel like, okay, I definitely suffered from this at this point?

19:32 - Nachi (Host)

Oh well, you know I always like to get into a whole lot of different things.

19:38 - Damaris (Host)

Oh yeah, it's to Geminite you. You love a new project.

19:41 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I do, I do, but that's just me. I love to get into, I haven't interested in a lot of different things, so I'm just not. You know, I'm just it's. I'm not one path, I'm multiple path.

19:59

So I remember when I started getting into herbalism and you know, for me I felt like I have to have this certification and I need to go to school and have, you know, just to have that, that found, I felt like that foundation so that I could have the credibility to share with people.

20:29

Yes, I know about this, right, I know about how to work with herbs and all of that. And I remember I went to this place to get go through a Reiki session and you know it's talking to the young woman that was doing the Reiki energy healing and she she was asking me, I was telling her about my dream of becoming an herbalist, herbalist and what I wanted to do. And you know she's like, okay, well, what have you done? And I'm telling her yeah, I've worked with herbs before. I've done. You know, I've had my own soap business and I made oils and lotions and I loved using herbs to infuse a lot of the products that were made. And she was like she told me. She said you know, a lot of us feel like we need some certification to tell us we're, we're, we're an herbalist.

21:28 - Damaris (Host)

Right.

21:29 - Nachi (Host)

She's like I'm an herbalist. I didn't go to any school, but I work with herbs and I use it for healing purposes. I'm an herbalist and that's it. I don't need to go to some special school or certification program and not to say that you don't, you're not, you shouldn't be learning these things. I'm not saying that.

21:54

And her point was don't feel like you have to do all of this stuff to start feeling in that place of being knowing that you are an herbalist. That's right, and I was like you are absolutely right. But you know, I still have my. Well, I need to take some courses. I need to. But her message rungs strong, like I hear it all the time. She's always in my head, you know, when I'm feeling that I haven't done enough and I don't need to compare myself, like I have my own path, my own journey and I could do my own thing and I don't have to. You know, be a clinical herbalist. You know what I'm saying. It's just like I don't have to be the one to know three 400 different types of herbs.

22:45 - Damaris (Host)

Right right, there's Google for that. I mean, you know real talk like you don't. And because part of growing up and being indoctrinated in the school system and this idea that you are going to be in school so you can get ready to be another worker in the workforce right and there's. But you need that validation in order to get into this workforce and earn X amount of dollars and do all this stuff. So we're always seeking some third party validation.

23:18

And that's what that certification was. It was validation for for what it is that you're an expert in. So now you have a piece of paper saying yes, you are an expert in this For me to. I'll say the other thing in addition to the podcast, but something that always kind of gets me every once in a while is anytime I have to speak in public or some or do some sort of presentation. I hate it, yes, I hate it. So this podcast has really forced me outside of my comfort zone. While I'm not presenting to a group of people, live, I am talking and I know I'm being listened to different platforms, and so that is something I've had to get used to and be okay with. And the funniest thing is that is because, although I know I'm intelligent, I think I sound dumb.

24:18

It is cognitive dissonance, like I know I'm not, but I'm like. I don't sound like I don't know, like I don't know what I'm talking about.

24:27 - Nachi (Host)

I don't sound.

24:28 - Damaris (Host)

I don't sound like I know what I'm talking about and that's crazy.

24:31 - Nachi (Host)

That is crazy. But then yeah, and critiquing every little thing, you are your hardest critic.

24:37 - Damaris (Host)

I have a lot of editing to do for this episode already. I can tell you know I'm just oh, I'm gonna be taking that out.

24:44 - Nachi (Host)

But you know me, I have a hundred edits for you. Yeah, no, I know I'm talking about edits.

24:49 - Damaris (Host)

No, I know. So. It's really funny how you get into your own head and to your own psyche and you psych yourself out for things you don't even give yourself the chance to do it, or even, and even if you don't succeed, that chance of failing is what you need in order to learn and level up, and that's one of the things that I've learned over the years is that I've been told that I have a fear of failing, and that is what's also limiting me, because I I'm scared to fail, and by being scared to feel, I'll never really be able to level up until I do these things and.

25:31

A thousand percent.

25:32 - Nachi (Host)

It's the truth, yeah, yeah, and it's funny you talk about public speaking because, um, you, recently I've had someone come to me, a friend of mine who is Doing an event, and she had invited me to be part of her panel. And I told you I was just like I don't know if I want to do this panel, you know, cuz, you know, speaking, public speaking is just not my thing. I don't like it. Not that I haven't done it before, I've done it before. I just I Hate it. Yeah, right. And so, going back to, we are each other's cheerleader and you were like you can do this, qualified, and you, you know, you basically was basically told me that, hey, do it what it's not, it doesn't hurt you by by doing it. So, you know, take that step. And it's true, it's just that fear, feeling their feet free of, of Sounding like you don't know what you, what you're talking about Cuz I'm gonna fuck up a word.

26:52 - Damaris (Host)

You know I'm gonna stutter, I'm gonna make mistakes, and so then that means, if I'm not perfect, oh my god, I must be dumb. You know, it's crazy shit. I say my head is stupid, yeah, but then I catch myself and so then I'm just like really in a back, like girl, by. You are amazing, you are so smart, you run circles around these Okay. Even if I have to say that to myself in the mirror and nobody else is around, that's okay.

27:24 - Nachi (Host)

But sometimes you have to do that, you know, to psych yourself up because you will.

27:30 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, you will talk yourself out of an opportunity, and how are?

27:34 - Nachi (Host)

you gonna grow right, just like you said. It's like if, if you want to succeed and you want to grow, you have to be open to fail, because failing leads to learning and Becoming better and we just have to get. We have to be okay with failing and I know that's hard, trust me, I know it's, it's hard. I don't like, I don't like the idea of failing.

28:00 - Damaris (Host)

No, and that's something that's been rooted into us at a young age and when I think about the societal and cultural factors that contribute to imposter syndrome, part of that is okay from a society perspective. It's Kind of been what we've seen the where, for women in particular, we're raised to believe that we're just not Always gonna, we can't get into certain industries because we're not experts in certain subject matters and you know we're just not gonna be good at math or or science, and so that's just something that's kind of been ingrained from a society perspective, which has been Definitely changed a lot since when we were in grammar school the all these programs, these STEM programs and Really, the push to try to get more women in a lot of sectors that are dominated by men. So I love seeing that this imposter syndrome also comes from, you know, society to some extent and, and I think culturally for us, where I Think we're, we're limits are placed on us from the day we were born right Right and we're.

29:15

For us it's go to school so you could get a good job. You get a good job, so you know, so you can have your family, be a good daughter always be a good wife, a good mother and you know and be that, you know that good person, society and go to church, and so Where's the room to explore?

29:39 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right yeah.

29:41 - Damaris (Host)

Oh, how do you satiate your curiosity? Curiosity when there's not a lot of room for that? Then you kind of feel you don't have the right to explore. So when Opportunities present themselves, you don't think you're qualified, you don't think you should do it, because you're like, who am I to want to do that?

30:01

Right right and and I had to think about that one today like, yeah, I think you and I lucked out to a degree because we had a father that was pretty audacious and how he moved about in this world and he didn't let anybody else's limitation stopped him and Sometimes he would have to remind me of that about myself. He's like oh yeah, mommy, you could do this. And this is like Because it's very easy to be like why don't? Who am I to think I could do that?

30:36

Yeah, yeah, I'm busy trying to be a good daughter, a good Catholic, good this and that.

30:43 - Nachi (Host)

Well, it's funny because I I, as an older child I feel there's a lot more pressure for the older sibling because there's always this expectation right of of Doing things and it's almost like parents Forget that the older child is also a child. It's like, you know, I think about you know, we would be playing and Some happens and I'm the one who gets in trouble, like watching us. I'm not ten years older than you.

31:36 - Damaris (Host)

You should have been watching us.

31:37 - Nachi (Host)

I'm a child too. I want to play.

31:41 - Damaris (Host)

No, they're wrong for that right.

31:43 - Nachi (Host)

So it starts from that point, right, like when you're a child and then you're put in these positions of you, older, you should know better. What, right, how? Please tell me how. And and I'm not gonna lie, I I have done that sometimes and I'm just like oh, I'm sorry, mommy, but you should know better. Right, right, but no, but seriously, it's like You're putting a lot of pressure on a child. You know like it. If it's, you know, if you have a number of siblings and cousins, and y'all and the oldest one is always going to get it, even if they want to be part of it they have to also have this mentality of, well, is this the right thing to do? Or now, let's not do that, because we're gonna get in trouble and you know it's it. I think it starts from that point too. Just speaking from an older sibling, younger sibling they run amok.

32:57

Well, I love that journey for you and I think you know you just have to reckon. I like it for me. I recognize that.

33:06 - Damaris (Host)

I recognize that that's where some of that comes out, some of my challenges surround or surrounded and Be okay with failing.

33:19

That's huge, yeah, and and that yes, and that contributes a lot to imposter syndrome, this idea of if you fail, then you're not Qualified, you're not good enough for it. And I think for me, when you talked about those childhood Experiences, for me it was. I realized why I'm a perfectionist now and that's what. And it comes from needing to be as perfect as possible, growing up, to Be the best order, to be the best, you know. Like when I'm saying be the best daughter, I'm just saying being a good child to my parents, because I know how much they sacrifice for us and how much they do for us and they're paying to send us to private school. So I should be doing my best, giving them the best grades and excelling academically, which I did, because I just did. I did my part in that household, I contributed.

34:20

Right right with that what I asked, right? And but with that came what I struggled with in adulthood is this perfectionism. I'm interested to hear what you think about social media and comparison culture and I'd say for me, just to, I Never felt like that. I compare myself to others, like I was never, and I've never been the type to be like, oh, I wish I had what this person has, or Let me try to get like what they have, or do this.

34:57

But the former comparison that apparently I was doing and I didn't know this until I met with Be that, and it was one of our sessions and she said to me she said you compare yourself. I was like, no, I don't, I compare myself to no one. And she's like, no, what you do is you May like how someone is doing something, and then you think to yourself, oh, maybe I should do it that way and you're not meant to do it that way, you're meant to do it your own way. And so that's like having a lack of trust in the way, the approach I would normally take. But because I've seen that this person has already done it successfully, I'm like, well, maybe that's what I should apply, because, again, who doesn't want to fail me, me, me.

35:44

So it was a combination of things. She told me she's like you need to fail, stop being afraid of failing, and you need to stop comparing. And that was a slap in the face. I'm like this bitch don't compare herself to nobody. She said that I was like oh, okay, I guess. So I was like I guess so and so from that since then, I've recognized that okay, I have to do things my way and and that is okay and I meant to do it my way and People can work with me or not, but the right people are going to align with me If I do it the way I'm supposed to do it, the way I'm intuitively meant to do it. And so I always look at myself. I don't even say, oh, I'm staying in my lane, because I don't even see myself in the same pool. I'm in my own pool, I'm swimming diagonally. Yeah, I'm swimming horizontally.

36:38 - Nachi (Host)

I'm diving in everywhere.

36:40 - Damaris (Host)

I'm doing what I'm doing whatever the fuck I want. So there's no longer. If I Even remove myself out of the the pool of where I'm in a lane, no, we're not in the same, I'm not in. I'm not in the same pool as you, and that's okay. I'm not saying my pools better, I'm just saying it's my pool, right, and I I'm going to rock out how yeah, right and so.

37:04

So I think, in this world of social media, it is very easy for a lot of people to get caught up in the facade of a lot of people's lives, and some of it's real, some of it's not, but it's again. It's not meant for you to feel like this is what you should aspire to, you should it be aspiring to whatever the creators calling you to do.

37:23 - Nachi (Host)

Right, right, and you know, and I think it's okay to look at others for inspiration, right?

37:30 - Damaris (Host)

Yes, but you need to understand that online.

37:33 - Nachi (Host)

Right, exactly it. When you start thinking, oh, I'll never get to that point. Or, you know, this person is around the same age as I am and they seem so more advanced than I. Oh, that person is younger than I am and, to your point, you're not even in their swimming pool like you right, and what works for them is not gonna work for you.

37:58

Right and you don't even know what they've done to get to where they are right now. So that part for you to compare yourself to someone that you see on social media. You have no knowledge, no background as to how they got to where they are. At that moment You're like, oh, they have everything that I want, and Then that stops you from moving forward, because you feel like you don't have enough time or you feel like you know, it seems daunting, overwhelming.

38:30

Yes, and but it's not. And it's just like I see things. If God put it in your heart, in your head, that means it's not for you to do right, you just have to figure it out, how you're going to do that, and I and I figure it out too much is more.

38:47 - Damaris (Host)

So like, just show the intention in the first step and Shit will come into place.

38:52 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, yes, I always say you, you know I'm, I'm always on the Hoping, hoping for the best, you know, praying God would open opportunities, mm-hmm. But also taking that one step you don't have to figure it all out Right, taking that one step you want to open a good quote in the top of the how.

39:13 - Damaris (Host)

I'm like how guys, how yeah. It's true, and then when?

39:18 - Nachi (Host)

right. But when you couple that with Looking at someone on Instagram that is where you would like to be right then you start becoming anxious and have increased negative self-talk that you stop yourself From doing something so great because you may not even be doing it the way they're actually doing it. You might have a whole different path, but you're not even taking the step to do that, to even see where it's gonna take you, because you're so afraid of where you are now and Whether you have the you know enough time or if it's too late for you you get paralyzed in your state.

40:01 - Damaris (Host)

So then, how do we I want to get into how do we overcome imposter syndrome?

40:08 - Nachi (Host)

So, speaking from a place of you know, wanting to be an expert on something, I think it's important to collect and identify all the accomplishments that you've done right, list out all the things that you do. You'll start to amaze yourself because you'll realize bad bitch, hello, hello. It's keeping a journal of your accomplishments Right, writing down all the things that you are doing, all the small and large projects, because at the end of the year when you're sitting with your supervisor, you can kind of list all the shit that you've done and you can ask for that high, you know that raise or you can go find another job that you know that you are qualified for. So I think, seeing it, seeing when you write it down, you can see it.

41:21 - Damaris (Host)

You can see the magnitude of it, the impact of what you've done, Exactly exactly.

41:27 - Nachi (Host)

You'll see what you've done.

41:28 - Damaris (Host)

I think that's great.

41:29 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, I think that's you know. That's just one thing that you can do.

41:34 - Damaris (Host)

I mean I'm going to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off that way, no, no, go ahead. No, I'm going to say that it starts with what I learned growing up from GI Joe knowing is half the battle.

41:45

acknowledge it, acknowledge it, knowing is half the battle, because sometimes you don't even know like there are instances in my career when I look back and I think to myself oh wow, that was because I didn't think I was able to do it or that I was qualified to do that. And so I think, once you've acknowledged it, then it's pausing and reevaluating and kind of getting introspective, giving yourself space to unravel well, why do you feel inadequate in that space and that particular situation, scenario, whatever that is, and so I feel like that's a way to identify that and get ahead of it. And then, obviously, in the space of boosting your self-confidence, yes, is reminding yourself that it's not your business to know what others think of you.

42:44 - Nachi (Host)

It is not your business.

42:47 - Damaris (Host)

Once you release that, then it doesn't matter what people think about you any longer. So release it. People Remind yourself that it is not your business what other people think of you.

42:57 - Nachi (Host)

And no one's perfect Like really the people, whatever they think of you know, whatever they think about you, it really doesn't matter, because who the fuck are they?

43:08 - Damaris (Host)

Exactly, exactly. And let me tell you, when you talked about performance review and I'm going to say that I am so grateful that I don't have to do performance reviews anymore, because those things always wanted me. I always wanted to blow my brains out- but, at the end of the day, though, what performance reviews have taught me was to be less humble. Y'all need to be less humble. Toute your achievements, toute your rallying cry Like hype yourself up.

43:39 - Nachi (Host)

Because no one else will. No one I know. I've been, I've had a performance appraisals where I'm, you know, I'm telling them, yeah, that I did this, and I'm like oh yeah, I forgot you did that Right, like I know I'm a bad bitch. Yeah, I know, yes you remember I did that, I did that. That was the main, that was the main Right. You like King Kong?

44:04 - Damaris (Host)

You got nothing on me. Don't play with me, no, no, but this is good. I think this is a really good starting point for people to get into this habit of being introspective. I identify when it is that you're feeling that you are some sort of fraud or some sort of imposter and then be proactive in trying to address that because it's a hindrance.

44:37 - Nachi (Host)

Yeah, and talk to yourself. You know, when you have those negative thoughts that come, that creep up, whenever you want to take a step forward.

44:47 - Damaris (Host)

Yep.

44:48 - Nachi (Host)

Replace that with a positive one and say that out loud. Say it out loud so that you can hear. Not only are you thinking it, but you're saying it and you're feeling those words run through you, right, because you want to just negate all of those negative thoughts, because you don't want to get stuck in one place. You want to move forward, you want to keep going, and if you want and if you're trying to reach a certain goal we've said this before you don't have to have everything figured out in the beginning, just taking that step.

45:34 - Damaris (Host)

Come up with a list of tasks that you need to do and celebrate those small successes, Every little task you've completed.

45:43 - Nachi (Host)

That is a success and you should celebrate it.

45:46 - Damaris (Host)

We have our little project plan. When I hit complete and that little drop down for our spreadsheet, I am like, yes, we completed that stuff Today. I went through our project plan and I was just like, oh my goodness, I want to thank me for believing in me for doing this. I want to thank my sister for completing that task. But seriously, guys, we hope that this conversation has really helped open your eyes or at least drop some gem or anything that could resonate with you and make you see things differently and approach this feeling of not being good enough. Because you are, because, in the stat that I found, you had a 1 in 400 trillion of a chance to have been born A 1 in 400 trillion of a chance to have been born, so you need to take that stat and feel good about the fact that you're on this earth.

46:54

Never feel like you're not enough, because you are and do what it is that you're meant out here to do. There's a lot of noise out there, but our message is consistent Stop getting distracted by the smoke and mirrors, tune out the noise and focus on your purpose and life. That's what brings you joy in life. So focus on that and vibrate higher, and always thank you for listening. So, that said, don't forget to subscribe to our channel and follow us on Instagram, tiktok and Twitter at I'mnotyellingunderscore, and we look forward to talking next time. Bye.